Who taught you how to love?

Most men have never really been asked.

In Episode 4, Brett and Marland trace the surprising teachers of their generation: Boyz II Men, Disney, Titanic, Jerry Maguire, AOL chatrooms, purity rings, and the dial up era’s first contact with porn.

Then they ask a harder question:

Which lessons helped us love better, and which ones quietly broke us? Because your spouse should not be the only person who really knows you. Men need more than a partner. We need brothers, friends, and people who see the couch version of us, not just the work version.

This conversation lands on what it means for men to show up better in the relationships that matter most: communicating without listening to argue, handling rejection without retaliation, repairing what we break, and becoming a place of emotional safety.

Plus J. Cole as scripture, why women gave up on the fairy tale first, the five second pause that can save an argument, and the test every long term partner already knows about: the moment two dresses end up on the bed.

Good men are trying.

Hosts: Brett Moore and Marland May

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The conversation delves into the concept of silent scorekeeping and its impact on relationships, exploring examples from personal experiences with friends, family, and work. It also touches on the theme of gift-giving and the dynamics of giving and receiving in relationships. The conversation delves into the dynamics of resentment, unspoken expectations, and the importance of communication in relationships. It explores the concept of exchange orientation and the impact of unmet expectations on feelings of resentment. The discussion also touches on the significance of physical intimacy in relationships and the need for open communication to navigate challenges and maintain connection.

Takeaways

• Silent scorekeeping can lead to frustration and imbalance in relationships.
• Resentment often stems from unspoken expectations and can lead to frustration and disconnection.
• Physical intimacy is important in relationships and can serve as a means of connection and validation of feelings.
• Open and honest communication is essential in navigating relationship challenges and maintaining connection.

Chapters

• 00:00 The Impact of Silent Scorekeeping
• 21:38 Exchange Orientation and Resentment
• 29:00 Unmet Expectations and Communication
• 39:18 Navigating Relationship Challenges
• 49:34 Friendship Dynamics and Connection

The conversation delves into the definition of intimacy, the shock of discovering secrets about admired individuals, the relationship between the five love languages and intimacy, and the importance of facing the unknown and being vulnerable in the context of intimacy. The conversation delves into the layers of intimacy, exploring the challenges and rewards of vulnerability and transparency. It also highlights the importance of fostering intimacy with children and the power of future intimacy. The discussion emphasizes the intentional action and discovery involved in building and maintaining intimate connections.

Takeaways

• Intimacy is about being known without having to perform
• Intimacy requires facing the unknown and being vulnerable Vulnerability and intimacy require intentional action and the absence of judgment.
• Intimacy involves discovery and the ability to learn something new together.

Chapters

• 00:00 Defining Intimacy
• 15:41 The Five Love Languages and Intimacy
• 27:19 The Layers of Intimacy
• 32:48 Intimacy with Children
• 40:46 The Power of Intimacy
• 46:40 Challenges of Intimacy

In the inaugural episode of Good Men Trying, hosts Brett Moore and Marland May explore why so many male friendships slowly fade in adulthood not through conflict, but through drift, distance, and the loss of the structures that once kept people connected.

What started as a Sunday basketball run at Lifetime Fitness in North Dallas eventually became something deeper: a real community built through consistency, shared space, and vulnerability over time. From there, the conversation expands into the broader loneliness affecting modern men and the challenge of staying connected as life changes.

Through personal stories, Brett and Marland reflect on friendship, emotional maintenance, masculinity, and the quiet reality that many adult friendships are built by proximity but rarely maintained intentionally. The episode explores how meaningful connection requires effort, honesty, and someone willing to go first.

At its core, the episode asks a simple but uncomfortable question:

What relationships in our lives are we assuming will survive without care?

Read more on the growing conversation around male loneliness and social connection from Pew Research Center:

We’d also love to hear from you. Visit www.goodmentrying.com to complete our own friendship survey and other reflection topics.