Gossip With Celebitchy

Introduction: Minutes 0 to 6:00
Chandra’s youngest cat was sick with a respiratory virus, would could have been coronavirus but there’s no way to tell. He’s improving and Chandra’s older cat didn’t get sick, but she thinks he brought it home with him. I’ve been baking, which I’ve never tried before. I’ve made banana bread a couple of times and that turned out well and I mentioned that I was about to make challah bread. It turned out great! Here’s a link to a photo of that.

What should we keep from our lockdown lifestyle?: Minutes 6:00 to 23:30
Chandra wrote a story last week asking what we should keep and what we should ditch from our lockdown. We have fun talking about the things we should keep or leave behind, including:
- Shaking hands
- Hugs from people we don’t know well
- Kissing as a greeting, with hot Spanish and French guys excepted
- Washing hands frequently
- Wearing masks
- Social distancing and personal space
- Takeout and takeout cocktails
- Buffets
- Working from home
- Cruises
- Cheap gas
- Gyms and group classes vs. outdoor exercise
- Going to the movies
- Bars and clubs
- Hard pants! For the record, I’m still wearing jeans at home
- Hair salons and nail salons
- Concerts
- Shopping extra for things you use

Royals: Minutes 23:30 to 28:15
The Sussexes sent a letter to the Sun, Daily Mail, Mirror and Express that they would have “zero engagement” with them and would only talk to them through lawyers. Now we know that the sources they use are either made up or come from Kensington Palace. So many royal households have participated in the tabloid smears against them. The tabloids had the courtier’s reactions to that, who claimed they were stunned and likened it to censorship.

The Sussexes videoconferenced Queen Elizabeth for her 94th birthday and let friendly outlets know about it. Becky English at the Daily Mail ran a petty response to that, criticizing the Sussexes for confirming the new.

All of this happened in the days leading up to the big hearing on Friday between the Sussexes and The Mail on Sunday. The Sussexes lawyer released the text messages that Harry and Meghan sent to her father, Thomas Markle, who told TMZ that he had a heart attack preventing him from attending Meghan and Harry’s wedding. The messages showed that Thomas lied to the press and that Meghan and Harry repeatedly tried to contact him. They asked him if he was OK and they offered to send him security and to visit him in the hospital.

Maya Hawke: Minutes 28:15 to 32:30
Maya Hawke, 21, is covering Nylon Magazine, where she talked smack about Generation X. She didn’t just make a throwaway comment, she went on about it. Chandra thinks that Maya was being a brat, but also that she was really funny and somewhat self aware. Maya said her parents’ generation was just driving around in gas-guzzling cars and getting high without a care and that “they really f’ed us.” That story blew up. Of course we don’t blame Generation X because we’re Gen-X and Xennial. She’s not completely wrong, the 90s were a lot of fun, but we did have the AIDS crisis and the Challenger disaster.

User Feedback: Minutes 32:30 to 33:45
Hollah thanked us for putting the podcast out on Sundays now and Molly reminded me about small breast privilege.

Comments of the Week: Minutes 33:45 to 38:30
My comment of the week is from Flamingo on the post about Suri Cruise and Katie Holmes covering US Magazine. Chandra’s comment of the week is from Oatmeal on the post about Novak Djokovic being anti-vax.

Thanks for listening bitches! Text us or leave a voicemail at 434-218-3219.

Introduction and our boobs: Minutes 0 to 4:30
Chandra delivered groceries to her mom but had to drop them off at the front door. She’s not sure her mom grasps how much everything has changed as she’s been in an assisted living facility. One of our big stories was about Padma Lakshmi getting criticized for not wearing a bra in her at-home cooking videos. We talked in episode 16 about our boobs, which is when Chandra schooled me on small breast privilege. She says women like me get cuter bras and can wear more clothing styles. We think Padma has great boobs and want ours to be like hers. I’m surprised that Chandra has to wear both a regular bra with a sports bra over it when she exercises.

Royals: Minutes 4:30 to 14:15
This week felt like a regular gossip week for the first time in a while and that gives us hope. This week Prince William Zoom called two women who run charities which have benefited from grants from his patronage, the National Emergencies Trust. He was prepared and seemed at ease. He did make one slight gaffe but we think it was taken out of context.

There’s news that wealthy donors are donating to Will and Kate’s Royal Foundation and that they’re parceling out the money to other causes. We question why they’re accepting those donations instead of instructing people to donate to the charities directly.

Meghan and Harry donated £90,000 in proceeds from the broadcast of their wedding to Feeding Britain.

Prince Harry did a Zoom chat with parents of children with special needs as part of his patronage with Well Child. He knew so much about the families of the people he talked to. Chandra points out that he’s been working with that charity for a long time.

Meghan and Harry volunteered with food distribution service Project Angel Food in Los Angeles. There were some cute quotes from a man they visited who thought Harry looked familiar.

Princess Anne is covering Vanity Fair, and Chandra wishes they had used a current photo of her instead of a classic one. Anne is so no-nonsense she doesn’t eat or drink when she’s working. Anne talked some smack about the younger royals without naming names, telling them to stick to basics. Some people think she was referring to Meghan and Harry, but Chandra thinks she was talking about Will and Kate, because they spent years talking about how they didn’t want to do the basic royal work.

Michael Bublé: Minutes 14:15 to 18:00
In an Instagram Live video, Michael Bublé elbowed his wife, Argentinian actress Luisana Lopilato, after she talked over him. He then jerked her arm to pull her close to him, putting his arm around her neck. Many people thought it looked controlling, if not abusive. Luisana issued a statement defending Michael but he didn’t respond at all. His rep claimed that people were “cyberbullying” Michael. In other clips he says he’s going to divorce her and has clear disdain for her. He seems like an angry man and not like he’s joking at all. We’re not sure if he’s abusive, but he’s obviously controlling. Emily Blunt, who dated Michael from 2005 to 2008, refused to tell Howard Stern whether or not Michael had cheated on her, saying “I never want to talk about it. I can’t do it.”

Reese Witherspoon and Draper James: Minutes 18:00 to 22:30
Reese Witherspoon promised to give teachers a free dress in a giveaway announced April 2nd with an application period until April 5th. It was worded “offer valid while supplies last,” but never specified that they only had 250 dresses available. The offer went viral quickly and they got over a million applications. Now all those women are on the Draper James mailing list, which only sent out a 30% coupon. I wonder how Reese rehabbed her image after her 2013 DUI, and Chandra explains that she did it by leaning into a stereotype of a southern woman.

User Feedback: Minutes 22:30 to 24:45
Our user feedback is about our episode last week on Ancient Aliens. Our friend Becky on Twitter tried to watch the Pleiades episode but we’re not sure how it went. JC, a high school astronomy teacher, issued some corrections to the things we said last week about the Pleiades. Chandra thinks I shouldn’t have tried to fact check any of those claims.

Comments of the Week: Minutes 24:45 to 29
My comment of the week is from CCSays on the post about Bruce Willis quarantining with Demi Moore instead of his wife, Emma Heming. Chandra’s comment of the week is from emmy on the post about Kate Beckinsale dating a 22 year-old emo musician.

Thanks for listening bitches! Call us or leave a voicemail at 434-218-3219.

Intro: Minutes 0 to 3:30
I had some technical problems so this part starts with us discussing Chandra dyeing and cutting her own hair. It turned out ok and she got rid of her “triangle head” where it’s flat on top and poofs out at the end. My friend whom I mentioned last week fixed her bright pink hair and it looks great.

Royals: Minutes 3:30 to 11:45
The Copy Keens hired the former social media expert for the Cambridges. People Magazine reported this at first and then replaced their story with another article about how the Cambridges are using social media. Lainey noticed this. Chandra thinks People was trying to suck up to the Cambridges and make sure they have continued access.

The Cambridges recorded a sweet video with primary school students and their teachers. This comes after weeks of them pushing stories that William is ready to step into a statesman role. The video was really cute and there was a nice moment when Prince William asked a little girl if her Easter box was a handbag. A lot of people were talking about how Kate’s accent wasn’t as posh in that video. I talked to a woman from Birmingham, England named Sara. She said that Kate’s accent was like no one’s she had ever heard and that Kate sounds posher than The Queen. Chandra notes that Kate’s accent comes and goes except when she’s giving a speech.

Meghan and Harry announced that their foundation is called Archewell. They did this in response to The Telegraph leaking the news, but the Sussexes still got dragged for their timing.

Politics: Minutes 11:45 to 20:45
Trigger warning minutes 16 to 20:45. Bernie Sanders dropped out of the race even though it’s been clear for a month that he did not have a path to the nomination. Chandra expected him to stay in the race for months longer. We’re interested in the high profile endorsements of Biden to come, especially the Obamas, and are excited to hear his pick for Vice President. We talk about the toxic Bernie Bro culture. We don’t blame Bernie for all of his followers, but he could have shut them down. His followers attacked Jim Clyburn for endorsing Biden and have been racist about Biden voters. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that Bernie dropped out the day after civil rights icon John Lewis endorsed Biden. We talk about the allegations against Joe Biden. Please visit our site at https://celebitchy.com/podcast for a link to the Salon article we discuss. 

Ancient Aliens: Minutes 20:45 to 35:00
Chandra loves Ancient Aliens on the History channel, which has just enough history and science to make it compelling television. They say that historical mysteries and biblical figures can all be explained by alien involvement. She got me to watch two episodes from this 15th season: They Came from The Pleiades and The Relics of Roswell. They Came from The Pleiades blew our minds. It starts with the discovery of an interstellar object found in our solar system in 2017 that experts think was manmade and came from the Pleiades galaxy. This is the Seven Sisters constellation to the right of Orion. Many cultures throughout the world have traditions and lore that they evolved from visitors from the Pleiades. This includes the aboriginal people of Australia, the Hawaiian people and people from India and Nepal. They tried to tie in the recent discovery of a humanoid species that outlasted the Neanderthals, the Denisovans. Because the people who share the same Pleadies origin story have some DNA in common with the Denisovans, that means the Denisovans were aliens, right?

We like this show because it pulls us in and we believe it until we stop to think about it. Chandra loves the epsides that claim that Bible stories and figures are aliens. She’s especially convinced by the stories of alien abductions, which are very similar. I mention the book Demon-Haunted World by Carl Sagan, which points out that in the middle ages people described being visited by angels and saints in scenarios similar to alien abductions. Experiments show that stimulation to the temporal lobe of the brain can cause people to think they’re being visited by supernatural creatures. I’m not convinced but there’s always the possibility that aliens are real.

Chandra believes something weird crashed in Roswell. She also thinks that the American military had access to alien technology, but she thinks Ancient Aliens is bullsh-t overall. I heard a crazy show on NPR from an author who claimed that the Area 51 incident was a Russian flight mission, orchestrated by former Nazi scientists doing terrible human experiments.

User Feedback: Minutes 35:00 to 36:00
Thanks to Damejudi for the compliments! I also mention Lila’s comment from a couple of weeks ago that she was worried about us when we were sick. She said “It’s so scary how many people probably are going to get [this] and are never going to know one way or the other because they weren’t able to get tested.” A couple of my online friends who were sick with fevers and coughing have since recovered.

Comments of the Week: Minutes 36:00 to 41:00
My comment of the week is from M on the post about Goop claiming people don’t like her because she’s pretty. Chandra’s comments of the week are from the post about The Queen’s speech. She also picked a comment by M and a follow-up comment from Jaded.

Thanks for listening bitches! Text us or leave a voicemail at 434-218-3219. 

Intro: Minutes 0 to 11:00
We passed a major milestone with the site. Both Chandra and I have less time than we thought we would in quarantine. Chandra wants to cut her hair and I advise her against that. Hecate dyed her hair blue, but not all of our friends have had good results with bold color changes. There’s no way I’m messing with my hair at this time. Chandra mentions the interview that Gwyneth Paltrow and her new husband did with an intimacy coach in which the coach, Michaela Boehm, explained why women want to eat now instead of have sex. I have been eating a lot but at least I’m getting exercise too.

Royals: Minutes 11:00 to 22:15
The Sussexes celebrated their independence on April 1st. There are so many negative articles about them, particularly Meghan, in the wake of that. A writer for Tatler met Meghan once at a party he threw in Canada. He wrote a ridiculously biased and racist article about her, criticizing her for not making it known she was biracial.

Becky English in the Daily Mail used the word “niggling” as an adjective in the opener to an article claimaing that Meghan got what she wanted while Harry gave up everything. It was so blantantly racist. Chandra reminds me that the Daily Mail has used this word in a headline.

The Daily Mail also cherry picked the negative reviews of the documentary Meghan narrated for Disney, Elephant. Our friend NYU professor Melissa Murray called out a writer for The London Times, Ed Potten, for negatively comparing Meghan to David Attenborough and calling the film shallow when it’s aimed at kids.

Meghan gets cricitized for doing a good job and William and Kate are praised for thinking about working maybe. When they do something, it’s ridiculously half-assed like Kate’s survey, the results of which were never announced. The royals really aren’t stepping up during this crisis, they’re just doing photo ops.

The British press is trying to get Harry to leave Meghan, which isn’t going to happen. I bring up the fact that Prince Charles left isolation after just a week. Chandra mentions that Charles might have done that because Prince William was overstepping.

Ben Affleck and Ana de Armas: Minutes 22:15 to 26:30
Ben Affleck and Ana de Armas have been doing near-daily pap strolls where they gaze lovingly into each other’s eyes and show a lot of PDA. Jennifer Garner has been doing competing pap walks with the kids and pets. It looks like an obvious attention grab by Garner, but at the same time she’s stuck at home with the kids and the nanny. Ana de Armas looks hypnotized with Ben and seems like a very sheltered young woman. Garner is playing it up for the paparazzi, but she’s also keeping the family together and wants to project that image.

User Feedback: Minutes 26:30 to 28:30
Sinead confirmed our memories of the story that Sean Penn tied Madonna to a chair. She linked directly a biography of Madonna that referenced the police report which included this detail. Thanks Heather for your nice email! I also talked to Joslynn, Angelina, Victoria, Zakia, Kitty and Angie on Zoom and wanted to thank them.

Comments of the Week: Minutes 28:30 to 32
My comment of the week is from Veronica S on the post about Ben Affleck finding Ana de Armas nurturing. Chandra’s comment of the week is from JanetDr on the post about Trump finally pretending to take things seriously.

Thanks for listening bitches! You can tweet us at @celebitchy and @kaiseratcb or text us or leave a voicemail at 434-218-3219.

Intro: Minutes 0 to 3:15
I miss seeing friends but Chandra is getting out walking and talking to her neighbors from a safe distance. A county sheriff had to come euthanize a deer that was injured next to my driveway. My mom is doing better and Chandra’s mom is doing well but she’s lonely as her facility has stopped allowing visitors.

Prince Charles and Rand Paul have coronavirus: Minutes 3:15 to 7:00
Prince Charles tested positive for coronavirus and then traveled to Scotland. He says he’s fine but he’s in a vulnerable group. Senator Rand Paul took a test and then went to the gym, an indoor swimming pool and lunch, exposing other people who then had to go into quarantine when his test came back positive. When we heard that Paul had coronavirus we learned that he had lost a lung during a 2017 incident in which his neighbor violently attacked him on his front lawn, requiring Rand to be hospitalized. Back when that happened, Rand’s neighbor insisted the fight was lawncare-related but other neighbors don’t think that was the case. We never learned what they were fighting over, which is how Chandra got the idea for this podcast.

Gossip Mysteries: Did Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux have a legal marriage? Minutes 7:00 to 12:00
Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux had a backyard wedding in August, 2015, with details given to the celebrity press. They often talked about their marriage and Justin referred to Jennifer as his wife. They announced their split in February, 2018. By that point they had been living on separate coasts for several months and Justin didn’t even visit Aniston on her birthday in early February. No marriage certificate or divorce filing or settlement was discovered by the celebrity press and, given Aniston’s net worth and the difficulty of dividing assets, this should have been big news. (We did not mention this but there was vague news about a prenup but that’s it.) I mention that Justin left his live-in girlfriend of 14 years, Heidi Bivens, for Aniston and that how you get them is how you lose them. Heidi’s mom gave an interview to Radar Online confirming that her daughter was blindsided by the split. Chandra wonders about the financial and business arrangement between Jennifer and Justin. Justin switched to CAA and got more exposure and roles including Girl on A Train and Leftovers. She thinks he must have gotten a settlement from Jennifer.

Gossip Mysteries: Why did Charlize Theron and Sean Penn split? Minutes 12:00 to 15:45
Charlize Theron and Sean Penn were together from roughly late 2013 up until May, 2015. They went to the Cannes film festival together in May and a few weeks after that they were over. We heard that Charlize broke up with Sean by ghosting him, which she later denied. I mention the rumors that he was abusive to Madonna, which she claimed was not the case. A year after they split they had to go back to Cannes to promote the movie Charlize made which Penn directed, The Last Face. They avoided each other and looked like they couldn’t stand each other. Charlize did an interview with The Wall St. Journal around that time saying that people tend to sensationalize things and that she didn’t know what ghosting was.

Gossip Mysteries: What happened on the plane between Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie and Maddox? Minutes 15:45 to 17:45
We have a good idea about what happened because Brad Pitt’s PR people kept leaking details to People Magazine about this incident. They insisted that he did not hit Maddox in the face but admitted that he “put his hands on him, because the confrontation was nose to nose.” People think Brad was getting in Angelina’s face and that Maddox got in between them and it escalated. Angelina has never confirmed any of this.

Gossip Mysteries: Did Robert Wagner kill Natalie Wood? Minutes 17:45 to 20:45
Natalie Wood’s semi-official biographer, Suzanne Finstad, wrote her first book about Natalie, Natasha, in 2002. She’s since gone over all the evidence in this case and has contacted potential witnesses, several of whom went on the record for her updated biography of Wood which came out earlier this month. Vanity Fair published a fascinating excerpt from the new book, building a case that Wagner killed Wood. She has two different witnesses, including a photographer and coroner’s intern, who went on the record with details of wounds on Wood’s body which are consistent with a violent fight and not with Wood trying to climb back onto the boat. Finstad revealed that Wagner had been abusing Wood for years. This case was reopened by LA County in 2011. Wagner is still alive at 90.

Gossip Mysteries: Why did Madonna and Gwyneth Paltrow break up as friends? Minutes 20:45 to 27:00
Madonna, Tracy Anderson and Gwyneth Paltrow had a falling out in 2010 after Madonna dumped Tracy as her trainer. Gwyneth and Tracy opened gyms together and are still thick as thieves. We never found out how or why Madonna and Gwyneth fell out only that they are no longer friends and don’t talk about each other anymore. Tracy has a bad reputation and has been sued over six times after leaving clients and creditors of her gym in Indiana high and dry when she moved to work full time as a celebrity trainer.

As background, Madonna started the charity Raising Malawi to help grease the wheels so she could adopt children from Malawi, which required residency prior to adoption. Madonna founded a school program in Malawi, which taught Kabbalah practices to children. (There were ongoing questions over how closely financially tied Raising Malawi was tied to the Kabbalah Centre, which was under investigation for tax evasion in 2011.) What’s more is that millions of dollars collected at a celebrity fundraiser for Raising Malawi in early 2008 were not accounted for over a year later.

In September, 2009, we heard that Tracy was dating the head of Madonna’s charity, a man named Philippe van den Bossche, who had resigned his position to live with her. Then in October we heard that Madonna had dumped Tracy as her trainer. Right around that time Tracy was sued yet again by another creditor she had scammed, a man who claims he invested $1 million in Tracy’s business and made her custom exercise equipment.

Chandra thinks Madonna dumped Tracy because Tracy was trying to hitch her star to Gwyneth. Also, Madonna may have realized how sketchy Tracy was while Gwyneth appreciates other people who scam people out of their money. Interestingly enough, Gwyneth founded Goop in September, 2008, around the time she met Tracy. Here’s a link to the story I wrote about the Hard Candy gyms that Madonna closed after members had prepaid for services.

User Feedback: Minutes 27:00 to 28:00
Thanks to Anita for your nice text message about last week’s podcast. I also thank Shannon, Kristin, April, Brittany, Alnaaze and Clare for talking to me on Zoom. It’s crazy to talk to people who know as much if not more about celebrity gossip as me! (Since we recorded the podcast I talked to Kitty, Becky, Zakia and Angie!) Also thank you for all the nice messages.

Comments of the Week: Minutes 28:00 to 31:00
My comment of the week is from BaddieB on the post about Daniel Dae Kim. Chandra’s comment of the week is from S808 on the post about Prince William stepping into a statesman role.

Thanks for listening bitches! Text us or leave a voicemail at 434-218-3219.

Intro: Minutes 0 to 5:00
This episode gets explicit starting around minute 12:00. Please do not listen to that part around kids at all! I’m feeling better and Chandra is feeling ok too. She’s been napping and going for walks in the afternoon. We’re both gym people and miss the controlled environment of a gym. Chandra’s mom is in an assisted living facility and they’ve banned eating in the communal living facility. She’s ok though. My mom has been sick with a cough but doesn’t have a fever. I’m concerned about how many people aren’t taking this seriously and have misconceptions about the pandemic. I’ve been eating so much in quarantine. Chandra isn’t eating more because she’s not working out as much. You can listen below!

Vanessa Hudgens and Evangeline Lilly: Minutes 5:00 to 10:00
Chandra is surprised at how few bad incidents there have been with celebrities in the wake of the pandemic. I mention that Ben Affleck and Ana de Armas just did a paparazzi photoshoot where they went shopping. Vanessa Hudgens talked on Instagram Live about how disappointed she was that Coachella was postponed. She made some really tone deaf and offensive comments including “even if everybody gets it, people are going to die, which is terrible, but like, inevitable?” She issued a follow up video in which she claimed she was taken out of context and said she was home on lockdown. She didn’t apologize at all!

Evangeline Lilly posted a photo of a cup of tea with the hashtag #businessasusual saying she’d dropped her kids off at gymnastics camp and wasn’t going to practice social distancing, essentially. Her follow-up comments were awful and referenced freedom and “marshall” [sic] law. Chandra mentions Ariana Grande and Taylor Swift, who wisely told their fans to take this seriously and stay inside. Ariana’s tweet about hip hop yoga was hilarious.

Trump’s racism: Minutes 10:00 to 11:20
We make fun of the way Trump says “China” when using his racist language to refer to the coronavirus. Chandra says it’s like he’s saying “vagina,” which is accurate. As Chandra mentions, “it’s racist and he has a terrible accent.” He’s trying to change the conversation from how the US and his administration absolutely botched their response. This is his racist comfort zone.

Male celebrities who probably go downtown: Minutes 11:20 to 18:40
We talk about the Twitter thread where people speculated which male celebrities go downtown. You know what that means! Jodie Turner Smith confirmed that her partner, Joshua Jackson, is good at it by posting a clip of Rick James doing “Superfreak.” I get really embarrassed during this conversation! Here are the celebrities we discuss:
Justin Timberlake: No
Leonardo Dicaprio: No
Colin Farrell: Yes
The Rock: Yes, he confirmed it
Robert Pattinson: Yes, Chandra is iffy about it
Kristofer Hivju (Tormund): Yes
Robert DeNiro: Yes, Chandra thinks he’s too old, I disagree
Jake Gyllenhaal: I think he does, Chandra does not
Andrew Lincoln: Yes
Prince Harry: Yes, Prince William: No
Oscar Isaac: We disagree. I think he does, Chandra does not
Adam Driver: Yes
Tom Hardy: Yes
Ben Affleck: You have to listen to this part (15:40)
Michael Fassbender: Yes
Clive Owen: Yes
James McAvoy: Yes
Gerard Butler: Yes
After that Chandra talks about Stan Wawrinka and his face and I can’t! Plus we talk about John Mayer and Diplo. Ew that’s all I’m saying.

User Feedback: Minutes 18:40 to 22:00
Barb in SoCal is an MD in California and tells us it sounds like we have COVID-19 based on the symptoms we described. She told us not to go out of the house, which we have been taking seriously. To be clear I did not go to pilates classes last week, I took classes on demand. I go off on businesses which are still staying open and Chandra says she understands small businesses which are just trying to stay in business. We got a nice email from Mary who has been reading us for 13 years! We got a text message from Dog Obsessed Girl about Ben Affleck and Ana de Armas’ portmanteau. (I’m sorry I didn’t credit you, I only saw the email with the message and didn’t check the app!)

Comments of the Week: Minutes 22:00 to 24:00
My comment of the week is from Me on the post about Ben Affleck and Ana de Armas needing to be in self isolation after going overseas. Chandra’s comment of the week is from S808 on the post about Princess Beatrice having to postpone her wedding for the third time.

Thanks for listening bitches! You can text us or leave us a voicemail at 434-218-3219. Also if you are bored or lonely and just want to text me I will totally text with you! I work from 5am to 1pm and take a nap until about 3pm EST. Anytime after 3pm until about 9pm I’m usually available for texting.

Intro: Minutes 0 to 8:00
I have been sick for over a week and feel like I can’t clear my throat. Chandra was sick too but got over it quicker. We have no way of knowing whether we got coronavirus because there are almost no tests in America. I think I caught whatever I have from my son who came home with a bad head cold. As of this recording his school was still open, but our governor, Ralph Northam, announced a state of emergency in Virginia and his school has been closed until March 27. I mention an article I read in the Washington Post about a researcher in Seattle who was told to stop testing samples. We’re suspicious of all the rich connected people who can get tests while the rest of us don’t have access to them. Chandra is missing her tennis fix as new tournaments have been canceled. She’s watching HGTV and cooking shows and I love the new show Dispatches from Elsewhere on AMC. Chandra recommends I watch Watchmen on HBO.  

Royals: Minutes 8:00 to 19:20
Harry and Meghan just completed the “You Could’ve Have a Bad Bitch" Tour with their final appearances as royals in the UK. Meghan wore several iconic outfits you probably remember, including the red-caped Safiyaa gown, her blue bodycon Victoria Beckham dress, her white skirt and top by Topshop and Roland Mouret and her green Emilia Wickstead dress and hat. I gush about how open and vulnerable Meghan continues to look, even as she’s being snubbed and treated poorly by her husband’s family. Chandra mentions that Princess Diana had this quality too. We talk about Meghan’s affirmational life and how she’s able to avoid negativity.

Chandra thinks Meghan’s fashion has improved so much because she’s finally able to dress like she wants and doesn’t have to dress frumpy to please the royals. She actually looked like she was enjoying herself during the Commonwealth Day service despite all the petty drama with the royals. We laugh about the trolls hating Meghan when she always looks so sweet and composed.

Chandra explains the drama over the Sussexes entering Westminster Abbey separate from The Queen, unlike last year’s service. She doesn’t believe the conspiracy that William got told off by The Queen.

We got a tip from a reader in London who claims to have insider knowledge from royal sources that William and Harry fell out due to William’s affair. Her connections sounded legit to us. Chandra doesn’t believe that’s the sole reason for the brothers falling out. She thinks it’s more due to William’s treatment of Meghan.

Politics: Minutes 19:20 to 22:00
Biden won the next set of primaries and Sanders has yet to step down. Chandra wants me to insert a clip of Biden saying “malarkey” and is ruining my setup. She’s not 100% behind Biden but of course we’re going to vote for him and will be so grateful when he’s president, knock all the wood. She told me about Biden’s coronavirus speech, which I missed because I was napping. It was somewhat boring and wonky, which we miss so much from Obama.

Ben Affleck and Ana de Armas: Minutes 22:00 to 27:00
Ben Affleck and Ana de Armas did a paparazzi beach stroll in Costa Rica to celebrate their new relationship. Chandra thinks we should call them Afflarmas, which I forgot to mention in the last post I wrote about them. Ben is 47 and Ana is 31 but looks like she’s in her early 20s. Chandra reminds me of Ana’s Vanity Fair interview where she revealed her sheltered life growing up in Cuba. She also got defensive about her career and I read an excerpt where she denies sleeping her way to the top, essentially. She used to date a very high-level CAA executive named Franklin Latt. I googled him and he looks hot and not too old for her. She’s not the screwed up one here. We wonder if she’s ever Googled Affleck and what advice she’s getting from friends.

User Feedback: Minutes 27:00 to 28:15
Miriam is in Kirkland, Washington and lives right near the nursing home where so many people have passed away from coronavirus. She sent us a nice email us thanking us for helping provide normalcy while she was at home working during a stressful time. Chandra loves working from home and we’ve been doing this for so many years. We feel bad for people who have to go to the office and stay so late.

Comments of The Week: Minutes 28:15 to 31:00
My comment of the week is from Spicecake38 on the post about Naomi Campbell wearing a hazmat suit and goggles to fly. Chandra’s comment of the week is from Mich on the post about how Brad Pitt tried to one-up Angelina Jolie after she told the story of two of their daughters needing surgery.

Thanks for listening bitches! 

Intro: Minutes 0 to 3:00
We’re worried about the Coronavirus, which will affect our parents in their current living situations. We’re trying not to panic about it at all. You can listen below!

Democratic Primaries: Minutes 3:00 to 9:00
I break the news to Chandra that I voted for Biden and she understands that. We’re both ok with the idea of voting for Biden in the general election. People trust him to be a good Democratic and to hopefully beat Trump. Chandra voted for Warren because she wanted her to have enough delegates to be important and to be part of the conversation. Warren had stepped down as of our recording, and we do not yet know who she would endorse. Warren is the reason Bloomberg is no longer a factor despite his enormous ad spending. I was worried that Sanders would still somehow pull through and Chandra reassured me about that. I love Joe Biden’s wife, Dr. Jill Biden, and Chandra mentions the incident where Jill protected Joe from protestors who rushed the stage while he was speaking. Here’s a link to that video.

Royals: Minutes 9:00 to 16:30
As of our recording, we had not seen the iconically beautiful photos of Harry and Meghan at the Endeavor awards or at the Festival of Remembrance. There’s a conspiracy theory that Kate and William planned the Irish tour so that they would be out of town when Harry and Meghan arrived. Chandra does not believe that was the case, given how long ago it was announced. Kate’s wardrobe has been a total wreck this tour. She’s been wearing crazy throwback fashion that looks like late 70s/early 80s Diana cosplay. It’s disturbing to Chandra but I find it funny and think that Kate’s fashion shows her personality. (The outfits we discuss are at the top and the bottom of this post and there are links above to more photos.) Chandra thinks William has a hand in Kate’s fashion choices, but I think it’s her decision. Here’s the Willileaks tweet Chandra mentions, which is one of her most commented and liked tweets.

Katy Perry is pregnant: Minutes 16:30 to 22:30
Chandra wasn’t surprised to hear about Katy Perry’s pregnancy and thinks she was doing the mental health work to prepare to be a mother. I wonder what happened to her music as it seems to have gone downhill after “Swish Swish” in 2017. She revealed her pregnancy at the end of the music video for “Never Worn White” and the song and lyrics are so bad! Chandra knows that there will be brides who use this terrible song for their first dance at their weddings. I play a segment from Katy’s Instagram story video where she mentions her due date is in the summer. Don’t worry I cut all the chewing out! I hate hearing people chew. Chandra hopes that Katy and Orlando Bloom wait to get married. She thinks he’s shady and we reminisce about the time he fought Orlando Bloom over his ex, Miranda Kerr. He also dated Selena Gomez briefly.

User Feedback: Minutes 22:30 to 26:00
Both of the people whose comments were chosen as comments of the week last week learned by listening to our podcast! That was a surprise to us as we do a half-assed job choosing the comments of the week. Last Sunday Chandra tweeted that she made the choice not to publish big royals stories so it would be easier for us to manage the comments over the weekend. Marlo tweeted that she’s been reading us for ten years and remembers our Hot Guy Friday posts.

Comments of the week: Minutes 26:00 to 29:30
My comment of the week is from BlondieR on the post about Laura Dern’s goldfish passing away at 15. Chandra’s comment is from a tweet by Shannon about how Kate’s fashion mirrored the Irish flag during their tour of Ireland. As we’re talking I realize how true this is! Kate wore a green outfit the first day in Ireland, a white coat the second day and a reddish orange sweater the third!

Thanks for listening bitches! You can call us or leave a voicemail at 434-218-3219. 

Intro: Minutes 0 to 6:10
I’m sorry we took such a long break! We had to scramble to cover the awards season, our busiest time of year, and the weekend after the Oscars I moved to a new house. Chandra is glad I have central air conditioning now as we both live in the south and I was still using window air conditioners in my last place. I never really thought about it and just dealt with it for years, but it is a huge upgrade to have whole house air conditioning and heating. Chandra spent the week freaking out about the Coronavirus. I’m trying to think of it like Ebola and the Zika virus in that those didn’t materialize into epidemics, but this seems different. You can listen below!

Royals: Minutes 6:10 to 14:40
We spent all of 2019 talking about how the royal family wanted to push Harry and Meghan out. When they left they got criticized for it endlessly. The big news was the the Queen decided to pull their “Royal” branding so they can no longer call themselves Sussex Royal. They pushed back against the negative coverage by releasing clearly worded statements on their website about how there was precedence for other royals to work and how the palace does not have jurisdiction over the use of the word “royal” overseas. The palace has a 12 month review period in place as Harry and Meghan become independent, but what will the palace do after that? It’s not like they can order them to come back. They can only continue to punish them. Other royal stories include Canada stating that they’re not going to pay for the Sussexes’ security and the news that the Cambridges have been buying bot followers to constantly outpace the Sussex Royal Instagram follower numbers.

The Democratic primary: Minutes 14:40 to 22:16
We’re both rooting for Elizabeth Warren and think she’s the best candidate. It’s unclear who will be the nominee as projections vary. Super Tuesday is coming up fast and it’s going to be intense. Chandra reminds me how everyone wanted Warren to run in 2016 but now that she’s running they’re not taking her seriously as a candidate. We play a segment from the debate where Warren called out Bloomberg for firing a woman when she was pregnant and telling her to abort her baby. There’s actually a witness to this, a former Bloomberg employee, who went on the record with his full name to the Washington Post. We doubt that Bloomberg has a chance, but his ads are good. We’re both concerned that Bernie Sanders will get the nomination. Our choices feel crappy and we miss Kamala Harris.

New version of Emma: Minutes 22:16 to 27:00
There’s a new version of Emma out with Anya Taylor-Joy, whom I know from Thoroughbreds. Chandra reminds me that she was also in Glass and Split, and I’m surprised that Chandra liked Glass! I turned it off during the asylum part. Chandra thought it was a great ending to the trilogy. Anya Taylor-Joy has been “stunt fashioning” where she’s been wearing crazy outfits during her promotional tour. Some of those pictures are in this post! The director of Emma, Autumn de Wilde, said that the lead character, Emma Woodhouse is “a dick.” Chandra is a big Austen fan and questions that interpretation, saying that Emma is just privileged, not mean. The trailer makes it seem like a CW show about mean girls. Bill Nighy is a great actor, but he’s playing Emma’s father and his character does not look true to the book.

User Feedback and our cunt crowns: Minutes 27:00 to 29:30
Thank you to Suzanne for writing us a nice email in appreciation of our royals coverage. We also talk about our cunt crowns! Chandra tweeted that she was called a cunt by someone in the comments and LaUnica Angelina tweeted a gif of Rihanna putting on a crown, telling her to “wear it with pride.” We then claimed our individual cunt crowns. Chandra’s has sapphires and mine has emeralds and diamonds. I really want teardrop emerald pieces down the front, but I didn’t get into that much detail on Twitter.

Comments of the Week: Minutes 29:30 to end
My comment of the week is from Hollah on the post about Prince Harry wanting to be introduced as just “Harry.” (Harry and Meghan’s wedding picture which I mention is the top photo in this post. Here’s a link to that story I mention about the history of white supremacy in the royal family.) Chandra’s comment of the week is from lucy2 on the post about Presley Gerber’s idiotic face tattoo.

Thanks for listening bitches and for hanging in there during our hiatus!

The Sussexes won’t be using their HRH titles: Minutes 0 to 5:45 (recorded Saturday)
This week we have a slightly different format due to the breaking news on Saturday that the Sussexes won’t be using their HRH titles and will reimburse the Sovereign Grant for the renovations to Frogmore Cottage. We recorded an update on Saturday and open with that news. Chandra thinks this news came out on Saturday because these details needed intense negotiation behind the scenes. She says that reimbursing the palace for the renovations was probably not the Sussexes’ idea, although it’s presented that way.

Intro: Minutes 5:45 to 9:15 (rest of the podcast recorded Thursday)
Starting here, the rest of the podcast was recorded Thursday. We’ll be back the first week in February and the last week in February, but that’s tentative and will change if major news drops. Chandra anticipated that Harry and Meghan would lose their HRH titles, which sort-of happened as you know. I talk about the culture shock I had being married to a German guy and living in Germany, and how I can relate to Duchess Meghan. Meghan’s situation was so much worse due to the pressure from the royal family and the press.

The Sandringham summit: Minutes 9:15 to 13
Harry sat down with the Queen alone first and then met with Charles and William. Chandra thinks they must have spent a lot of time working on the first statement from the Queen, which was very personable and used Harry and Meghan’s first names and the wording “my family.” The Queen is typically tone deaf, as evidenced by her response to Diana’s death. At the end of her reign people are starting to realize this about her. The Andrew debacle damaged the monarchy and changed the way that people see her.

Meghan did two events in Vancouver: Minutes 13 to 14:30
When Harry was back in London, Meghan stayed in Vancouver and met with two different women’s organizations, Justice for Girls and the Downtown Eastside Women’s Center. She looked super cute in leggings and a cable knit sweater and was clearly enjoying her new casual role. Harry did his last event as a senior royal, he launched the 2021 Rugby League World Cup Mental Fitness Charter at Kensington Palace and he also announced the locale for the 2022 Invictus Games.

Chandra emailed with Buzzfeed reporter about the article comparing Meghan and Kate’s headlines: Minutes 14:30 to 20:30
Before we recorded, I asked Chandra if we could talk about the Buzzfeed article comparing the headlines between Meghan and Kate. Kate has been consistency praised for minor issues like eating avocados while Meghan was nitpicked was associated and the atrocities of the avocado supply chain. It turns out that Chandra is friendly with Ellie and that she emailed her with some ideas for that article! Ellie came up with this idea for the comparison headlines back in December. It’s baffling to me the things that people use to nitpick Meghan.

Oscar nominations: Minutes 20:30 to 30:45
Chandra is about halfway through Parasite, which I’ve seen too. We both love it, no spoilers! We don’t think Parasite will win best picture, but Bong Joon-ho might win best director. Chandra is worried that Joker will win best picture, but she’s ok with Joaquin Phoenix winning best actor. Quentin Tarantino might get best director because he has such a great body of work and has only won two screenplay Oscars. We both saw Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, which is a very good movie with great performances. Chandra thinks Tarantino isn’t mad about Bong Joon-ho winning best director at the Critics Choice Awards despite Tarantino’s expression. Chandra mentions a podcast called The Rewatchables, in which Tarantino talked about how Dunkirk was Christopher Nolan’s best movie. Snubs included Awkwafina, Lupita, Taron Egerton and Jennifer Lopez while Scarlett Johansson got TWO nominations! Chandra is salty about Jennifer Lopez not getting her first Oscar nomination, which she totally deserved.

User feedback and questions: Minutes 30:45 to 34
Our user feedback is from Jacqueline, who said our Sussexit podcast last week was one of our best. Thank you Jackie! She also asked whether it was unique for Harry to date an independent woman like Meghan instead of an aristocrat like his previous girlfriends. Harry has a ton of money and it must have been eye-opening for him to date a woman making her way in the world. Chelsy Davy and Cressida Bonas both worked though. Cressida was a bohemian person trying to figure her life out. Chelsea got her law degree and then became a jewelry designer. Jackie’s point still stands that Meghan must have been a breath of fresh air to Harry.

Comments of the week: Minutes 34 to 38:30
My comment of the week is from Arpeggi on the post about Gwyneth Paltrow’s $75 “This Smells like my Vagina” votive candle. Chandra’s comment of the week is from Lara K on Diplo’s GQ profile. Like Chandra, Lara also wants to shamef-k Diplo.

Thanks for listening bitches!