This week in stupid, we are taking a deep breath, centering ourselves, and diving headfirst into the shallow end of the gene pool — because apparently that’s where the action is.

First up, we’ve got an LA officer who decided disability leave was the perfect time to go skydiving. Yes, skydiving. Because nothing says “I’m injured” like hurling yourself out of a plane for funsies. We’re not saying the math ain’t mathing… but the math is absolutely not mathing.

Then we head to Pennsylvania, where a man attempted to kill spiders by setting multiple fires, which shockingly resulted in… wait for it… a fire. Homes damaged, spiders unbothered, and one man who clearly needed to sit down and ask himself, “Is this who I want to be in the world?”

Meanwhile, near Atlanta, a child brought a martini to school. A martini. Not a juice box, not a Capri Sun — a full cocktail. And now police are asking parents to double‑check lunchboxes, because apparently we’ve reached the point where kindergarteners are showing up like they’re on their third divorce.

And finally, we wrap up in North Carolina, where a rancher found himself in a showdown with a spinning car wash and a whole lot of fencing wire. But instead of panicking, he brought the kind of calm, joyful energy we wish we could bottle. If only everyone faced disaster with that level of “Welp, guess this is happening.”

Join us as we laugh, sigh, and lovingly roast the week’s finest foolishness — because somebody has to hold the line for common sense, and it might as well be us.

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