Okay, we've got FOUR contenders this week and we are struggling to pick just one, because they're all so, so special.

First up: a man police find hiding under a mattress, and when they pull him out, his own mother tries to punch the officers on his behalf. Family loyalty, folks.

Then we've got a guy who gets drunk and decides the move is to unload multiple weapons at a County Sheriff's Office helicopter. Just... why. Why is that ever the move.

Next, we're heading to West Palm Beach for a man who allegedly faked being in a coma — a whole coma! — to cover up nearly $190,000 in embezzlement. The commitment to the bit is almost impressive. Almost.

And finally, we've saved the best for last: a fugitive on the run whose own dog leads police straight to his hiding spot. No loyalty there either, apparently.

Four idiots enter, one idiot leaves with the crown. Who's it gonna be? We're voting so let's get into it.

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This week on Idiot of the Week, we are wading into the deep end of America’s questionable decision‑making — and baby, the water is boiling.

First up, we have the man who dipped his finger into a Yellowstone hot spring like it was a free sample at Costco… then slipped, fell in, and met the world’s most scalding natural consequence. We’re not saying Darwin tapped him on the shoulder, but the universe definitely whispered, “Sir, no.”

Then we slide over to the Gen Z employee who got suspended for thirty days and said, “Bet,” packed a bag, and left the country. HR called him back after ten days, all huffy, trying to remind him that suspension is punishment, not PTO. And we’d like to remind HR that they are not your mama, and they cannot ground employees.

Meanwhile, influencers are out here getting bitten by sharks while chasing the perfect “I’m one with nature” thirst trap. We love ambition, but if your content plan includes “Step 3: Get lightly mauled,” maybe rethink the brand strategy.

And finally, a North Carolina “volunteer” wildlife rehabilitator was charged after five raccoons were seized from her home. Five. Raccoons. In the house. Ma’am, that’s not rehabilitation — that’s roommates.

Grab your snacks, your sense and your snark, and let’s get into it.

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This week in stupid . . .

Pickles the pickleball rooster is MISSING, y'all. $450 reward. We don't make the rules, we just judge the ransom.

Meanwhile some genius tried to bring an AI "attorney" into an actual courtroom, and the judge was NOT having it — sir, that's a chatbot in a blazer, sit down.

Then Lake County said hold my beer and gave us TWO charter school principals arrested for DUI, hours apart, same car. Carpool of shame. We need the group chat.

And a bank robber made the staff hold a stolen kitten while he finished writing his robbery note. Priorities, people. PRIORITIES.

We are on a mission to mock stupid. Join us. 

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We start with a man who saw his eye twitch and decided it was a bad omen. Now, most people would Google it, hydrate, maybe take a nap. Not this fool. No, he slapped himself in the eye until he lost sight. Baby, if your solution to a twitch is violence against your own face, you are the omen.

Then we move on to a young mom of two who walked into a restaurant wearing a tank top and declared it was “freezing.” And instead of asking for a different seat or putting on a cardigan like a person, she set a fire at her table. Because nothing warms the soul like felony arson over appetizers.

Next up: the Zoom coaster rider. Turns out — and we cannot stress this enough — your coworkers WILL notice if you’re on a roller coaster during a meeting. They will see the wind. They will hear the screaming. They will clock the loop‑de‑loop. And they will absolutely report you to HR.

And finally, we close with a Chinese man who decided to hand‑feed his pet snake. Hand. Feed. His. Snake. Baby, snakes don’t do gratitude. Snakes do bite, and this one took his thumb like it was a sampler platter.

It’s a full buffet of bad decisions, and we are here for it!!!!!

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This week on Idiot of the Week, we are diving head‑first into a buffet of foolishness so fresh it’s still steaming. First up, we meet a man who called the police to report his car stolen… while he was actively robbing a store. Baby, that’s not multitasking — that’s a cry for help from the last two brain cells fighting for custody.

Then America proves once again that we need to manage our fast‑food expectations. A woman in a McDonald’s drive‑thru allegedly slapped a man because he took too long ordering. We’re not saying she was wrong, but we are saying she was wrong. It’s McDonald’s, not the Michelin Guide.

Meanwhile in Florida — because of course — a woman on house arrest for stabbing a lover in Broward County decided to stab another lover in Miami‑Dade. Ma’am, ankle monitors are not “Buy One, Get One Free” coupons for crime.

And finally, a group of scientists decided to race spiders to determine which one of Satan’s interns is the fastest. We don’t know what grant paid for this, but we do know it wasn’t enough.

Who will win the coveted crown? The criminal who called the cops on himself, the slap‑happy drive‑thru diva, the double‑county stabber, or the spider‑racing science squad? Pull up a chair — the nonsense is piping hot.

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Baby, this week on Idiot of the Week, we are wading chest‑deep through the swamp of human decision‑making, and let me tell you… the gators aren’t the dangerous ones.

We kick things off in Florida — because of course we do — where a man is suing Waffle House for allegedly weaponizing their window ads. Yes, he claims the sign was so distracting that he tripped over an “abnormally high curb.” We’re asking the only reasonable question: how high does a curb have to be before it becomes a civil rights violation? 

Then we slide over to Chesapeake, where an inmate has filed a lawsuit against… himself. For getting drunk. And violating his own civil rights. We don’t know if this is self‑care, self‑harm, or self‑employment, but we do know it’s peak American jurisprudence.

Next up, a substitute teacher decided the lesson plan was optional and the twerk was mandatory. She threw the curriculum in the trash, declared herself a “million‑dollar prostitute,” and proceeded to give the kids a masterclass in What Not To Do In Any Profession Ever. We’re not saying she’s wrong about her valuation — we’re saying maybe keep that off the syllabus.

And finally, back to Florida — because gravity pulls us there — where a man was pulled over for speeding and the officer discovered 34 open cans of White Claw riding shotgun. Thirty‑four. That’s not a beverage choice; that’s a cry for help and a citrus‑flavored lifestyle.

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This week we are neck‑deep in the shallow end of humanity. We’re talking about a dentist who decided the real patient was herself and hit the laughing‑gas button like it was a Staples “Easy” button. Then there’s the mom who wouldn’t pay her grown son’s rent, so he drove his car into a university pool like he was auditioning for Fast & Furious: Financial Aid. We’ve also got an 85‑year‑old out here street racing with a cigarillo, proving once again that wisdom does not come with age, but apparently drag racing does. And finally, the alleged drunk driver who insisted the only thing he drank was the blood of Christ, which is bold, confusing, and deeply unhelpful to the officer holding the breathalyzer. Who will take home the crown, the sash, and the tiara of Idiot of the Week? Buckle up, babies — it’s a bumpy ride.

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Buckle up, baby, because this week’s Idiot of the Week is a full‑on buffet of foolishness, and we are serving it hot, spicy, and with a side of “What is wrong with people.”

We kick things off with the stand‑up comic who allegedly decided the best punchline was a bomb threat to Ohio Stadium. Because nothing says “I’m hilarious” like federal charges.

Then we slide—unwillingly—into the world of the landlord caught on camera doing the absolute most in his tenant’s apartment. And by “most,” we mean sex… followed by a sandwich. 

But wait, the Fireball Fairy has entered the chat. Police say a woman with 21 open bottles of Fireball crashed her car on a golf course. Twenty‑one. OPEN. Bottles. Sis wasn’t drinking—she was marinating.

And finally, we visit the kindergarten graduation ceremony that devolved into a full‑blown brawl over seating arrangements. Because nothing celebrates academic achievement like fists flying over folding chairs.

Who will be crowned the Idiot of the Week? Grab your beverage, your boundaries, and your blood pressure medication, because this one is a doozy.

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This week, we are serving up a four‑course tasting menu of foolishness so rich it should come with a Surgeon General’s warning. We kick things off with a mac & cheese mastermind who allegedly siphoned eighty thousand dollars out of a Chick‑fil‑A like he was running a dairy‑based Ponzi scheme. Because nothing says “financial freedom” like felony cheddar.

Then we hop over to our FedEx pharmaceutical entrepreneur who apparently thought the purple‑and‑orange truck was the perfect cover for a mobile narcotics boutique. “When it absolutely, positively has to be there overnight” hits differently when it’s cocaine.

Next, we take a deep breath—because we have to—before discussing the Traverse City wine smuggler who allegedly stored a stolen bottle in a… personal storage compartment. We’re not saying she’s committed, but that is a level of dedication to wine that even Napa would call “ma’am, please don’t.”

And finally, we close with a Tesla truck owner who believed Elon Musk when he said it could cross a lake. Spoiler: it could not. The truck is now sleeping with the fishes, and the owner is sleeping in jail, hopefully far away from any large bodies of water or tech bros with big promises.

It’s Idiot of the Week—where the stories are real, the choices are questionable, and the laughter is mandatory.

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Baby, this week on Idiot of the Week, the competition is so tight you could cut it with the tension between two girlfriends showing up at the same man’s door. And what does our hero do? He steps outside with a rifle, like that was going to turn a love triangle into a teachable moment. Sir, you are not the Bachelor, you are the reason Ring cameras stay employed.

Then we slide over to Pasadena, where an officer accidentally shot another officer in a parking garage. A parking garage. The safest thing in a parking garage should be the cops, but apparently not today. We’re over here ducking behind concrete pillars like it’s a live‑action safety training video.

Next up, a man gets into a crash and then decides the natural next step is to carjack the woman who stopped to help him. Because nothing says “thank you for your kindness” like “give me your car, ma’am.” We are exhausted.

And finally, a shoplifting suspect was caught chugging Dulcolax like it was a sports drink. Baby, when your escape plan includes weaponizing your own digestive system, you have already lost.

So who wins the coveted crown? The man with the rifle, the officer with the accidental aim, the crash‑and‑carjack king, or the Dulcolax Daredevil? We don’t know, but we do know this: humanity is out here competing with itself, and the bar is in the basement.

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