Great Men w/ Shane Sams

Marriage after 40 can be complicated. You've spent decades building a career, raising kids, providing for your family, and doing everything you thought a good husband was supposed to do. But somewhere along the way, things changed. The arguments keep happening, intimacy starts disappearing, and your wife tells you she doesn't feel seen, heard, or safe.

And you're sitting there thinking, "What else am I supposed to do?"

I sit down with Alex Charfen, entrepreneur, author of The Entrepreneurial Personality Type, and creator of Masculine Containment, to talk about marriage problems after 40, emotional safety, masculine leadership, and why so many successful men struggle with their relationships in midlife.

At 53, Alex has experienced his own major midlife transformation. After decades of building successful businesses, he realized that professional success was masking problems in his personal life. He eventually shut down his company, stepped away from entrepreneurship, and began focusing on his marriage, personal growth, and understanding what it really means to show up as a man.

If you're a man in your 40s or 50s who's struggling in your marriage, feeling disconnected from your wife, dealing with the same arguments over and over, or wondering why success hasn't brought you the happiness you expected, this conversation is for you. We explore how childhood experiences shape adult relationships, why emotional reactions can damage intimacy, and how learning to manage yourself can change the way you experience marriage, fatherhood, and life.

What we cover:

Marriage After 40: Why relationships often become more difficult in midlife, how old patterns and unresolved experiences create conflict, and what men can do when their wives no longer feel emotionally connected.

Masculine Containment: What it means to manage your emotions, stop reacting defensively, and create greater emotional safety in your relationship without losing your strength or identity.

Redefining Success in Midlife: Why professional achievement doesn't always translate into personal fulfillment, how burnout can reveal deeper problems, and why taking responsibility for your own growth can transform every area of your life.

The big message: You can't control your wife's feelings, fix every problem in your marriage, or change what happened in your past. But you can take responsibility for how you respond, how you show up, and the kind of man you become. Real strength isn't about winning every argument. It's about developing the self-awareness, emotional control, and connection to build a better life.

In this episode:

• Why men struggle in marriage after 40

• How to rebuild emotional intimacy with your wife

• What masculine containment means for men

• Why your wife may not feel seen, heard, or safe

• Breaking destructive communication patterns in marriage

• How childhood trauma affects adult relationships

• Why successful men experience midlife burnout

• Managing anger, defensiveness, and emotional triggers

• Taking responsibility without blaming your spouse

• Why men need brotherhood and meaningful friendships

• Reconnecting with your wife after years of disconnection

• Finding purpose beyond career, money, and success

LINKS

Alex Charfen: Entrepreneur, author, and creator of Masculine Containment, helping men develop emotional awareness, stronger relationships, and greater personal responsibility.

Instagram: @alexcharfen

The Brotherhood Society: https://thebrotherhoodsociety.com

Masculine Containment: https://masculinecontainment.com

Podcast: Masculine Containment

The Great Men Project: You've spent your life building a career, a family, and a future. So why do you feel alone, empty, and wake up every day wondering, "Is this it?"

Midlife can be heavy for men. You weren't meant to carry the weight alone. Surround yourself with Great Men and become the man you know you are inside.

Get clarity, consistency, and connection at https://greatmen.org

#MarriageAfter40 #MensMentalHealth #MenOver40

Shane Sams reconnects with longtime friend Nick Loper, founder of Side Hustle Nation and host of The Side Hustle Show, for an expansive conversation on digital entrepreneurship, wealth building, and navigating the complexities of midlife. Both emerging from the early 2010s wave of online business, Shane and Nick debunk the romanticized myth of the four-hour workweek, candidly sharing how unchecked downtime quickly led to boredom rather than fulfillment. Nick charts his sixteen-year path from an early footwear comparison website and leaving Ford Motor Company to hosting over seven hundred podcast episodes, examining how he currently leverages custom artificial intelligence tools to automate content curation and editing workflows. They reflect on the evolution of their personal brands, offering hard-won insights on domain hoarding, knowing when to walk away from a legacy platform, and building simple, resilient digital assets that withstand shifting algorithms.

The dialogue ventures past business mechanics into the layered responsibilities of the sandwich generation, exploring what it looks like to raise financially literate children while watching elderly parents age. Nick and Shane compare straightforward, long-term wealth strategies, championing automated index fund investing and early hands-on financial education for their kids. They examine the delicate balance between unnecessary lifestyle creep and granting oneself permission to enjoy the fruits of decades of labor. Opening up about personal health wake-up calls, hormone optimization, and regular bloodwork monitoring, both hosts underline the urgent need for daily outdoor activity, neighborhood connection, and authentic brotherhood to maintain mental health in your forties and beyond.

Join the brotherhood: GreatMen.org

Shane Sams sits down with Cody Berman, entrepreneur, real estate investor, and host of The Financial Independence Show, for an honest, tactical conversation on achieving financial independence at age twenty-five and figuring out what matters once the money is solved. Cody breaks down his journey from discovering financial independence principles as a college student to quitting corporate America within seven months and executing a focused three-year sprint. He shares the mechanics of combining house hacking, dividend investing, rental acquisitions, and digital products to hit true freedom, while transparently addressing the hidden emotional and relational tolls of grinding eighteen hours a day. The two challenge conventional hustle culture, exploring the necessity of working in seasons and learning to turn off notifications so business doesn't consume personal life.

The conversation moves into marriage, fitness, and male brotherhood, highlighting the structural habits required to protect partnerships while pursuing ambitious goals. Cody details his monthly alignment meetings with his wife across health, finances, and relationships, while Shane reflects on the importance of siloing roles and not forcing a spouse to act as a co-CEO. They reject the popular modern narrative of discarding long-time friends to level up a network, championing instead having distinct, grounded friend groups for different facets of life. Closing with a look at non-negotiable physical disciplines like marathons and Hyrox competitions, Cody reminds listeners that whether you sprint at twenty-two or forty-five, the true endgame of financial freedom is becoming an available friend, husband, and father.

Join the brotherhood at greatmen.org.

Shane Sams sits down with Shawn Hanks, president of Premier Speakers Bureau, fresh off their annual houseboat retreat at Dale Hollow Lake for an open and grounding conversation about male friendship, identity, and the speaking industry. Shawn pulls back the curtain on his twenty-six-year career in the speakers bureau world, detailing his rise from agent to president and how leading the company through an employee stock ownership plan created a fully debt-free culture where every team member acts like an owner. The two dissect what truly separates world-class communicators from the rest, candidly exploring the deep insecurities that often lurk behind the spotlight and the reality that great stage talent frequently comes with a hidden personal deficit. They address the isolation that so many men silently endure, emphasizing how authentic brotherhood, shared experiences, and even the simple art of busting chops keep high achievers anchored.

The conversation transitions into the physical and mental disciplines that sustain a man as he navigates his forties and fifties. Shawn and Shane share their individual health journeys, from Shane's wake-up call in the hospital to Shawn's decade-long commitment to CrossFit, highlighting how shared physical suffering builds unbreakable accountability and resilience. They dismantle the myth of work-life balance, framing life instead through seasonal shifts while sharing practical daily habits like intentional journaling, curated music, and morning stillness to safeguard mental well-being. Closing with a vulnerable reflection on faith, parenting, and outgrowing performance-based identities, this episode offers a compelling look at the courage it takes to step off the stage, ditch the performer persona, and build a life of genuine connection and legacy.

Join the brotherhood at greatmen.org.

Shane Sams reconnects with longtime friend and former business partner Josh Stanton, dialing in from Phuket, Thailand, for a transparent and wide ranging conversation on weathering midlife, divorce, and personal reinvention. Josh opens up about the turbulent season around his fortieth birthday, marked by debilitating gut health issues, vertigo, and the painful unraveling of his marriage. The two explore the intense emotional work required to untangle a shared identity after a long term relationship ends, especially when personal and professional lives have been deeply intertwined. Drawing on his own experiences with family grief and his wife stepping back from their shared business, Shane joins Josh in identifying the core drivers of the male midlife crisis: biological shifts, following scripts written by others, and the dangerous isolation that comes from losing authentic brotherhood.

The dialogue balances personal healing with the evolving landscape of modern entrepreneurship. Josh shares how homeschooling his young son, taking up rock climbing, and reconnecting with the natural world provided the essential grounding needed to rebuild his life from the ground up. He details his new venture building artificial intelligence agent teams for small business owners, while both hosts emphasize the importance of keeping human integrity at the center of technology rather than relying on inauthentic digital clones that erode client trust. Emphasizing self care, mental wellness, and the life saving power of a strong community, this episode offers an honest, empowering manual for any man navigating identity shifts and looking to rewrite his next chapter on his own terms.

Join the brotherhood at greatmen.org.

Shane Sams sits down with longtime friend Jeff Rose, founder of Good Financial Cents, for a raw and vulnerable conversation about midlife crises, business betrayal, and the painful path of rebuilding trust. Jeff opens up about the devastating fallout of selling his financial planning practice and digital brand, only to discover critical deception from a business partner that cost him millions. He candidly shares the humbling process of buying back his own company and the deep psychological toll the ordeal took on his mental health and marriage. From battling severe depressive episodes and suicidal thoughts to finding breakthroughs through ketamine therapy and inner child work, Jeff illustrates the courage required to confront betrayal and reclaim personal agency.

The episode moves deep into the messy realities of fatherhood and self-forgiveness, exploring the emotional weight of parenting a child with an attachment disorder and letting go of impossible expectations. Shane and Jeff discuss the subtle dangers of midlife burnout, emphasizing why maintaining simple, consistent physical health routines like walking, lifting, and playing pickleball serves as an essential anchor during high stress seasons. By shedding chronic guilt, working through ongoing therapy, and leaning into creative new projects, Jeff provides an honest, empowering roadmap for men learning how to navigate life's darkest storms and model true resilience for their families.

Join the brotherhood at greatmen.org.

Shane Sams sits down with longtime friend Dan Engler, veteran WWE referee and founder of The Refolution, for a candid and inspiring conversation about resilience, humility, and maintaining perspective under the bright lights of professional entertainment. Dan takes listeners back to his humble beginnings in Evansville, Indiana, sharing the relentless grind of sleeping in his truck and working regional shows for next to nothing while chasing his dream. From the emotional high of getting hired by WWE during the exact same year his home was foreclosed on to navigating over a decade of high pressure road life, Dan illustrates how true dedication requires putting skin in the game and staying committed even when the odds are stacked against you.

The conversation goes well beyond the wrestling ring to explore the personal foundations that keep a man grounded when spending up to forty weeks a year traveling. Shane and Dan dive into the realities of mental health, combating isolation on the road, and recovering from near death health scares to rebuild physical vitality. They discuss the vital importance of financial simplicity, highlighting why solving for peace of mind is far more valuable than endlessly optimizing every single dollar. Grounded in faith, strong marriages, and authentic male brotherhood, this episode provides a masterclass on separating your personal worth from your public persona and staying true to what matters most.

Join the brotherhood at GreatMen.org.

Shane Sams sits down with Dr. Todd Phillips, a former mega church pastor who spent more than two decades preaching to thousands and anchoring his identity within the church, for a candid conversation on deconstruction, faith, and rebuilding community. Todd opens up about his decade long journey of questioning evangelical doctrine and the profound isolation that came with stepping away from the institution he had built his life around. After struggling to find spaces where he could express his doubts without judgment, a simple suggestion from his youngest daughter to share his story on TikTok sparked an unexpected movement. Connecting with over one hundred thousand followers online, Todd discovered that thousands of men were quietly longing for the exact same honest dialogue and authentic brotherhood.

The episode explores the courage required to follow uncomfortable questions to their natural conclusions and the critical need for non-judgmental environments where men can wrestle with belief, identity, and purpose. Shane and Todd break down how leaving rigid systems can actually open the door to deeper, more meaningful male friendships that are grounded in shared truth rather than forced conformity. Closing with actionable steps for men navigating their own spiritual shifts or isolation, this conversation serves as a powerful reminder that doubt is not the end of growth, but often the beginning of finding a truly authentic path and tribe.

Join the brotherhood at greatmen.org

Shane Sams connects with Lane Sebring, entrepreneur and founder of Triple Reset, for a wide ranging conversation on health transformation, breaking scarcity mindsets, and designing a life on your own terms. Reflecting on their parallel journeys through the online business world, Lane shares the bold story of selling his house in a matter of days to move his family of six to coastal Florida to prioritize quality of life. The two dive into the subtle traps of modern masculinity, examining how growing up around extreme work ethics can lead men to conflate constant busyness with real productivity. Lane opens up about the courage required to walk away from a successful ten year business that no longer served him, illustrating why great men must stop acting out of obligation and start asking what they truly want out of life.

The dialogue shifts to physical transformation and metabolic health, contrasting Shane's 2022 sepsis wake-up call with Lane's own reckoning at age forty. Lane breaks down his Triple Reset protocol, centered on optimizing hormones, utilizing targeted therapies to regulate hunger, and building sustainable habits through resistance training. Both hosts challenge the lingering cultural stigmas around modern men's healthcare, sharing how taking control of their own biology restored their energy, focus, and vitality. Closing with an intimate discussion on parenting and overcoming financial scarcity mindsets, Lane highlights his ultimate goal of being fully present for his four daughters, providing an empowering framework for men ready to reset their body, mind, and legacy.

Join the brotherhood at greatmen.org.

Shane Sams connects with performance coach and former dual sport UCLA athlete Coach Matt McKinney for a wide ranging conversation on resilience, health sovereignty, and transforming the ego. Reflecting on his journey from battling severe, undiagnosed gut issues during his collegiate career to playing professional volleyball across Europe, Matt shares how physical set backs forced him to step up as the ultimate CEO of his own health. The two dive deep into biohacking, natural medicine, and elimination diets, exposing the gaps in traditional Western healthcare and advocating for self directed wellness. From optimizing hormones and utilizing stem cell therapies to understanding the hidden roots of physical ailments, this discussion highlights why a man must take complete ownership of his own mind and body.

The dialogue shifts to the internal landscape of high achievers, exploring how performance based identities can trigger severe burnout and mental exhaustion. Grounded in psychological tools like the Enneagram and ancient wisdom, Matt reframes the ego not as a force to be destroyed, but as an ally to be integrated by silencing the inner critic and empowering the inner champion. He outlines his unique coaching frameworks, including guiding men to answer life's tough questions from the perspective of their future, healed selves to break free from negative subconscious loops. Grounded in accountability, self awareness, and leadership, this episode provides a powerful roadmap for men looking to build lasting wealth, optimize performance, and achieve peak vitality on their own terms.

Join the Brotherhood: greatmen.org