We have seasonal allergies and you have LOTS of questions about your favorite (and least favorite) Whos and Thems. Why does everyone hate Kristin Cavallari's new cookbook? (It's not for the reason you might think.) Brooke Burke and David Charmet get a divorce—but, wait, who are they again? Plus, Katy Perry meets The Pope and gets spiritual with her new-old boyfriend, also a new-old Who, Orlando Bloom. Finally: Who is Caitlyn Jenner's new gal pal, Sophia Hutchins and where did she come from? All that and more. OK, not much more, but definitely more.

ONLY THREE MORE WEEKS UNTIL THE ROYAL WEDDING! You can watch it LIVE at 7AM on SATURDAY, MAY 19 with YOUR FAVORITE PODCAST HOSTS (I'm talking about us btw) as part of this year's Vulture Fest. For ticket info, just check our feeds because you know we're going to promote the hell out of it.

Anyway, this week we discuss Meghan Markle's FIRST wedding of 2018: the one on Suits! Yep, she was written out of the show with a wedding. (We watched the episode, but still have no idea what Suits is about. I think something about lead? Whatever.) Speaking of weddings: ZANDY! LEA! THE GHOST OF COREY! Speaking of weddings again: WESTON CAGE! SOMEONE NAMED HILA ARONIAN! But enough about them, because our big story of the week is more important. Did you know Miranda Lambert's trail of exes is helping to create one of the most captivating current celebrity gossip stories? There are weird names for days, messy social media behavior, and cold calls to the out-of-the-loop FATHERS of certain parties. Who knew?

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Title: Plymouth Oration

Author: Daniel Webster

Narrator: Michael Jerod Smith

Format: Unabridged

Length: 16 mins

Language: English

Release date: 2018-04-30

Publisher: Findaway Voices

Genres: History, North America

Publisher's Summary:

American politician Daniel Webster delivered this speech in 1820 on the 200th anniversary of the landing on Plymouth Rock. In it, he honors the memory of the men and women who laid the groundwork for American civilization. He also challenges the crowd to consider how current political issues, such as slavery, will affect their legacy two-hundred years in the future. Let [slavery] cease to be of New England, he urges them in this historic speech, and let civilized man henceforth have no communion with it.

Do you have what it takes? Beauty, brains...and heart? That third dimension is what we're talking about today ft. the hearts of Michelle Williams (not that one) and her brand new controversial husband Chad Johnson (again, not that one). Oh, Jemima Kirke is selling Girls DVDs at her Brooklyn yard sale. Be sure to grab us one! Then there's The Ballad of TimmyThick, an Instagram star who may or may not be a Harvard sociological experiment? Plus, The Rock's girlfriend, Lauren Hashian, had a baby and since no one is putting in the real work to find out who this iconic Masshole is, well, we will.

We never thought we'd say this, but we're talking about Romee Strijd again. Don't remember Romee Strijd? Well, [WIND SOUND] she's an instagram model who [WIND SOUND] definitely loves wind energy and [WIND SOUND] may or may not love the environment. Also on deck this week: Meghan Markle was owned once again by people who screengrabbed all her now-deleted Instagrams, Paula Patton started dating a guy named Zach Quittman and he's already basically her manager, and Kevin McHale came out via Ariana Grande single. What fun!

[WIND SOUND]

Strap in, we have a dark episode for you today. Not quite spooky, but we dug into the online personas of a few teenagers and let's just say... WHERE ARE THEIR PARENTS? Bhad Bhabie, Woah Vicky and Lil Tay got in a fight(?) in Hollywood(?) and it was bleak. Also bleak? The Shorty Awards, where Adam Pally caused controversy. And John Cena and Nikki Bella's break up :( :( :( Not bleak? A new "secret" baby! Nicholas Hoult and Bryana Holly's! Plus, Cardi B's sister, Hennessey and a SCOOP about ScarJo's YummyPop.

We know you're all still talking about Beyonce's performance, but this is NOT the place for such Themmy conversation. WE are here to talk about Who-chella Queen Vanessa Hudgens, Instagram model Sommer Ray (who has an affinity for butt fringe), someone named Romee Strijd (she looks like literally everyone), and a host of other horrifically dressed Coachella attendees whose names I've already forgotten.

But it's not all palm trees and SPF this week. Did you hear about Pia Miller and her fiance, that guy who created a brand of macadamia nut milk? What about Eva Amurri Martino's Dunkin Donuts sponcon??? Or Olivia Munn's ACTUAL boyfriend, actor Alex Gonzalez????

NO??? Well, there's so much for you to learn. As Shania Twain says, life's about to get good.

Do you know what today is? It's FLAME FRIDAY! But it's not just any *ordinary* Flame Friday, it's THE FLAME FRIDAY THAT HAPPENS TO BE THE DAY TINASHE'S "JOYRIDE" DROPS! We hope you enjoy it as much as we do. (Not that we've heard it yet.)

And now, the calls:

There are comments about Boss Baby and Jerry O'Connell, inquiries regarding the Whos in Khloe Kardashian's current drama, a question about Brad Pitt's new girlfriend Neri Oxman, a Who/Them about Tessa Thompson, and--this is a huge deal--a revelation about Anne Heche's love for one of the best and whoiest apps: Smule. You've got to listen to the end of this episode, folks.

R.I.P. the young relationship of Chloë Grace Moretz and Brooklyn Beckham—the heir to the Spice Girls fortune was spotted smooching some other lady in Los Angeles. Who else kicked the bucket this week? One of the Property Brothers (the hot one?) and his girlfriend, Jacinta. But there is good news in this world! Paul Hollywood met a bartender at his wife's birthday party and they moved in together. And Paris Jackson hung out exclusively with Chris Brown at her 20th birthday party. OK maybe there isn't any good news this week. Elizabeth Hurley's nephew showed up to Easter with a fresh knife wound....oh my god...and Shay Mitchell maybe never took any of her iconic #Shaycations at all????????? What is this world coming to???????????????

P.S. Don't forget to buy tickets to our shows at The Bell House! Do it!

First things first: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LINDSEY!

Second things second: LORDE AND JACK ANTONOFF WERE SUPER WEIRD AT THEIR LIVE SHOW, AND WE WERE BOTH THERE TO SEE IT IRL.

Remaining things third: Olivia Culpo's mom is nice, the French do not understand Mandy Moore, Marc Jacobs got engaged to an underwear model named Charly DeFranceso in a Chipotle to a flash mob, Jenna Dewan Tatum is now Jenna Dewan again, a straight man barely knows the difference between Kaley Cuoco and Haley Kiyoko, and Chris Pine's new girlfriend has a name we honestly can't remember.