I have learned over the years to take the time to release my story, I am in no rush. I am not perfect and do take accountability when I need to and I do stand up for myself when I need to. I am not perfect, but I always try to be a better person than who I was yesterday. I will stand up with the truth and be honest. Destroying people lives with lies and gossiping about them behind their back will eventually catch up with you. There isn’t much authenticity in this world. It’s either being fake or using other people to get where you want to be. I do wear hair extensions and sometimes I don’t. I would rather be real and honest. Many don’t like me and that’s okay. I know my light shines bright. I don’t put with people’s drama. If you created it and can’t handle the fact I stand on business, then you play the victim. You never grew up. You just love being petty and playing the victim. It’s quite sad. I don’t need to tell my side of the story, but I do choose to share what I have learned along the way to help others .

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I don’t need apologies or excuses, I don’t care. I learned to forgive myself. The only person that really matters is myself. Sail my vessel, I had to go through difficult moments but I didn’t let define me or change me. You got what you deserved. The only reason why many of you want to talk now is because you got caught. You don’t care, you only care because you got caught. I’m not stupid and I will walk away from you. I don’t care if that makes you mad. You can’t have it both ways. You can’t treat people like trash and expect them to forgive you. You have lost your mind. Either you are a cheater who will always cheat and be unfaithful or your someone who will always run their mouth because you have a big ego and don’t care how it effects everyone else. You view yourself above every else and now you are paying for it. Never judge a book by its cover because you never know what that individual had to go through to remain calm. 

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The bravest soldier is the one who has no one to go to. High heels is the courage to walk alone. No matter how painful it was, there was no choice but to only walk alone. I would rather figure it out on my own, than to ask for help. Anytime I would ask for help it would either be I had to do something in return or there was a motive behind it. High heels isn’t just a symbol of courage, it’s symbol of being brave. Walking through the fire with no regrets or doubts left to give. The reality of home is place where you can no longer return to. You never ran in a pack, you weren’t meant to walk alone. No wonder why no one understands why you are quiet and don’t put up with anyone’s shit. You are strong, given the toughest of battles and still somehow you survived. 

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Trying to destroy my engagement and wedding day, now you have no connection to me anymore. Throwing a tantrum without giving me the chance to explain why everything happened the way it did. You just chose to jump to conclusions instead. My only real peace was leaving you in my past. Our relationship was good until I was thirteen. That’s when everything change, that’s when you switched. A hole in my heart that will never be stitched up. The only peace was finding the one and the family who connected with my dad, his family and my three brothers. I would never mention you ever again or have anything to do with you. Don’t ever ask my brothers what I am doing or up too, you chose to leave. The happiest day turned into the saddest day of my life, but at least everyone else had common sense. You did give me the tools to survive and we did have good moments plus memories, I won’t deny that, but this is too far. The white dress that was stained when my heart shattered from that particular day, was healed by the ones who understood what was going on. 

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Red lipstick is the confidence of sharing the truth of what actually happened. I don’t care if it makes you uncomfortable, you didn’t care when it destroyed me. Time is irrelevant when everything was always about you and your needs. Don’t be going my social medias or going behind my back talking to my friends. Once one was foot was out the door, the other one would no longer would be invited in. It’s not my problem that your engagement didn’t work. Blocking me and ghosting me wasn’t enough, you had show back up six years later pretending like nothing ever happened. What more do I have to express to get you to understand to leave me the hell alone. I don’t care about your apology or excuse. It’s not problem that you’re not happy. That you are living with guilt. This is you problem, like I said before I don’t care how uncomfortable this makes you feel. You never gave a shit about how I felt. Showing up six years later only puts the salt in the wound. 

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Mother’s Day should be a holiday filled with joy, but instead two ways of joy are not joy at all and you wish to skip this holiday every year. Not being able to have a child of my own, while discontinuing a relationship that was unhealthy. It’s a holiday that only remains with pain. Being thankful to have children of your own who cherish you as well as a mother you can cherish it with. Leaving the relationship was best decision for my own self, while finding out the most devastating news any person could have. Receive We could adopt but I would rather not go through that pain either. I was adopted and has remained close to my adopted dad who is just my dad. I just don’t like being asked if I am mother or do you celebrate Mother’s Day? I know it’s not their fault because they wouldn’t know, but many don’t have the opportunity to have children of their own or have a relationship to celebrate the holiday. So tell, just because you have a mother or can have kids of your own. It’s not the same for everyone else.

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Never trust someone who can so easily go behind your back and do you wrong, but so easily dismiss it like nothing ever happened. High knee boots is all the things each one of us had to go through, but we used our pain as style to express how we felt during that moment in time. Through many different colour platelets, or different styles of clothes and shoes. Each piece had a statement, the ones who broke you, only in the end destroyed their reputation, while being fired. Playing the victim because that’s the only thing they ever knew, they would never change or learn to try to change. When they hurt someone it’s their fault. Instead of taking accountability. I might grow and evolve and but I won’t change to the point where no one can recognize me.

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Love the excuse, making many of them and not taking accountability. Thinking it’s water under the bridge months later. Nothing will ever be water on the bridge. You made your decision and now you will have to live with it. You broke my confidentiality, and I didn’t give you permission to share it. I do admit somethings shouldn’t have been said, but most of it had to. You still choose to run your mouth. You told the whole place, without my permission. How would you feel if that was done to you ? It has been year later and still hurts the same. I have nothing to do with you and I don’t care for what you have to say. You violated HIPPA and broke the law. That’s not something that I have to live with, but you do. There is a version of you many don’t know about, that you chose to hide, until the truth is told. I am not angry, but I will never trust you. I forgive myself, but I don’t forgive you. You can show up and be where I am, but I will avoid you. I have nothing to do with you. You not humiliated me, you hurt me in way that could never be forgotten. I am glad you can move on quickly, like nothing ever happened. It’s kind of too late for an apology. You could have done a long time ago. You are not sorry for what happened, you are only sorry because you got caught. The mask has faded and it’s something you can no longer hide behind. I can’t even be in the same room or around you, that’s how much it still hurts. When two individuals don’t know how to keep their mouth shut, but one wanted to be in the medical field, while the other one did work in the medical field. You should know what HIPPA means right? It didn’t cost me nothing, but it cost you everything. You thought the power you had to run your mouth, and to violate HIPPA was above you. You learned that the law isn’t above you. I am not perfect, and never thought I was above anyone. I made my peace that I will never get an apology for what happened, but don’t think I forgot. I don’t need apology, I just don’t need you to be around me. You made your bed and now you will have to sleep in it. I don’t hate you but I have nothing to do with you. I made that very clear. I love my small group of friends. I don’t need a large group of friends to be happy. I love my peace and I will what I have to, to protect that peace. Nothing will ever be the same. I was honest and true to the both you, but I don’t regret nothing I did and expect for a few things I said, but outside of that. You will have to live with regret, not me. 

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One of the most painful holidays, people you use to know. The ones you used to be close to, you would rather burn slow. All you reminded of is the hell that they caused you. Don’t act like you know me, don’t even tell them that you know me. I would rather die slow, to even know once upon of time I was related to you. Please don’t call me, you don’t even know me at all. A cover of kindness to hide your heart that is full of hate. I would rather hurt forever, to even know you or see you again. A holiday that is full of cheer and thankfulness, is a holiday you wish to escape. Thankful for Jesus being born, but wish you never existed in this persons life. Home is not home, you are forever locked out. No key can be made to unlock the door that you use to go through from your past. The past has been forever destroyed. Your dad, his family, three brothers, husband and his family is all that you have left, plus a few friends. The ones in your contacts are the only ones who matter to you. The ones not mentioned only call for money, or to cause more drama. Enough is enough, you only cared about yourself. God saved me in my darkest of times, and the ones I did mention is all who I have left. A holiday I always loved, is now one of the most painful holidays for me. Merry Christmas, each year I heal even more, but there will always be a scar. 

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Being stuck in February, because so much happened in the last three years, that happened in February. Am I allowed to leave or am I forever stuck in February? The last time I saw my grandma was February 20th. The last time I spoke to my mom and we went our own separate way was February 18th. Then my husband and I got married February 28th. All of this happened in the same year. The year of 2022, the year of pain not just mentally but physically. April 24th my next door neighbor passed away and April 28th my grandmother passed away in 2022. Then finding out Dec 25th of 2022, I had Abdominal Endometriosis. A year I wanted to forget but would remember. Endless February being stuck and having no energy to move forward. I just wanted to disappear. I thought the year of 2023 or 2024 would be better but it was the exact opposite. 

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