I’ve spent a lot of time with grief. It’s an absolute b***h sometimes, maybe all the time. A pain that feels like hot metal on your skin and stays with you. Coating every inch of your body and soul. Everything is a reminder of the pain, like a finger pressing into the deepest blue bruise.

The grief of being alone. The grief of missing out when you feel like other people are living the life you want. The grief of your body and brain not working like you want them to, feeling trapped in your own body with no escape. 

Losing pets that feel more like family than blood relatives. Losing ourselves trying to fit in. 

I’ve seen loved ones lose loved ones, some by accident and some by choice. Brothers, sisters, dads, moms, friends, grandparents, teachers, coworkers. 

Sometimes, even worse than death, we lose loved ones while they are still alive, whether through the distance created by mistreatment, misunderstanding, or the slow fading away of who they once were.

Heartbreak from a relationship ending when you really wanted it to work out. Heartbreak from staying in a relationship that will never work out. Heartbreak from not being in a relationship at all. 

Heartbreak from trusting people you shouldn’t have. Heartbreak from not trusting yourself.

The list goes on and on and on and on.

I have spent so much time with grief. For most of my life, the sorrow has swallowed me whole.

Not knowing how to hold it. How to witness it. How to cope with loss. The anger. The confusion. The ache. It isn’t taught. We run from it. We numb it out. We shove it onto other people. We distract and blame and wallow.

How do I deal with such pain and loss? Why do I love when it can be so painful to say goodbye? Why should I care when it will all go away eventually? Why love when it hurts so much to lose?

I shout into the void.

My answer is this.

Love is the most beautiful thing we can experience in this human life. To love is to be alive. It’s the only reason we are here.

Grief is so painful, but also filled to the brim with love. 

Grief holds hands with love. They are never separate, they are friends. One reminding the other of its existence. 

To really love is to open yourself up to the possibility of a great and enormous grief. Not even a possibility, but an inevitability. 

Everything changes and everyone dies. Everything ends, eventually.

To love, you must know grief. You must hold its hand.

Grief is a constant companion, showing up in the quiet moments when you least expect it. It's in the empty chair at the dinner table, the phone that doesn't ring anymore, the laugh that you’ll never hear again. Each instance of grief is a testament to the depth of love we are capable of. Every tear shed, every pang of longing, is a reflection of a bond that was once cherished.

In the darkest times, it's hard to remember that grief is borne out of love. But it's precisely this connection that makes us human. It's our ability to love deeply and grieve profoundly that sets us apart. The intensity of our grief mirrors the intensity of our love. They are intertwined, inseparable.

So why love, knowing it will bring pain? Because in the moments of love, we find our greatest joy. The shared laughter, the warm embraces, the whispered words of comfort and support. These moments make life rich and meaningful. They give us stories to tell, memories to cherish, and legacies to pass on.

To live fully, we must embrace both love and grief. We must allow ourselves to feel deeply, to open our hearts even when we know they might break.

Your heart will break. Your heart will also mend.

It's a courageous act, this choosing to love. It's an acknowledgment that life is fleeting and that the connections we make are what truly matter. 

Be brave and love. Be brave and grieve. Be brave and live. 

When we accept that grief is an integral part of love, we begin to see it differently. It goes from the uncomfortable unfamiliar to an old friend who will always be there to hold your hand. To remind you that you were brave enough to love. 

It becomes not just a source of pain but a reminder of the beauty of our experiences. It teaches us to value the present, to hold our loved ones close, and to appreciate the moments we have together.

Grief is the teacher and to love is your assignment. 

Love is the reason I am here. 

To witness love, to experience it in all its forms, is the essence of being alive. It is worth the pain, worth the sorrow, worth the heartbreak. 

In the end, love is what gives life meaning, what makes every moment, even the painful ones, worth sticking around for.

I hope everyone experiences deep grief because I know that they also know deep love. 

In the end, that’s all that matters.

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