Sign up to save your podcasts
Or
Share Grief and the broken furnace
Share to email
Share to Facebook
Share to X
Share to email
Share to Facebook
Share to X
Or
Grief and the broken furnace
Format: Pre-call and post-call
Runtime: ~8 minutes
Source: Psychology , complicated grief, decision identity confusion; continuing bonds theory (Klass, Silverman & Nickman, 1996)
On the way out I'm thinking about what it means to make decisions in a house that isn't yours yet and also will never stop being someone else's.
He called about a system that wasn't heating right. His mother's house. She'd passed two months ago. The house was in probate and he was managing it from out of town, coming back on weekends to deal with things. The HVAC was one of the things.
He'd found my number in a folder in a kitchen drawer , my business card, from a call I'd done at the house five or six years ago. He said his mother had kept it in a folder labeled "House People." I found that out when he told me, on the call, that he was standing in his mother's kitchen and everything in it was still exactly where she'd put it.
He was there when I arrived. Mid-fifties, came from about three hours away, been there since Friday afternoon working through the list of what needed to be addressed. He looked tired in the particular way that probate-weekend tired looks , not the tiredness of physical work but the tiredness of sustained decision-making in an emotional environment.
He showed me to the unit. On the way down the hall we passed her bedroom and the door was closed. He didn't say anything about it and I didn't look.
The system needed a heat exchanger. Not a cheap repair, and given the age of the unit, the conversation had to include the alternative , whether to repair or replace.
That conversation is always about the numbers. But in an inherited house, it has a layer the numbers don't account for.
I said: I can walk you through both options. The repair is less upfront but you're working with an older unit. Replacement is more now but it solves it for fifteen years.
He said: I don't know what she would have done.
He said it quietly. Not to me, exactly. More like thinking out loud.
There's a body of research in grief psychology called continuing bonds theory, developed by Klass, Silverman, and Nickman in 1996, which challenged the older idea that grieving meant letting go , severing the attachment to the deceased and moving forward. What Klass found, from interviews with bereaved people, was that most of them don't let go. They maintain an ongoing relationship with the person they've lost, renegotiated in a new form. The person stays present , in decisions, in values, in the voice you hear when you're standing in someone's kitchen reading the labels in the cabinet.
Give Us A Shout
Thanks for tuning in to Hartzell's Heat & Air, your trusted HVAC experts in Oklahoma and beyond. From Kingfisher to coast-to-coast consulting, we design, install, and maintain smart, efficient systems that deliver year-round comfort.
We're employee-owned, family-run, and powered by 45+ years of experience. Whether it's AI-powered thermostats, geothermal systems, or classic tune-ups, we deliver upfront pricing, expert care, and warranties that back it all up.
🛠️ Book Online:
https://book.housecallpro.com/book/Hartzells-Heat--Air/4a569038b3dc460daf2d5f6497b18351?v2=true
🌐 www.hartzellsheatair.com
📞 (405) 375-4822
🚛 Trane Comfort Specialist • Mitsubishi Diamond Dealer • ClimateMaster Elite
🛡️ VIP Comfort Club • Remote Monitoring • Extended Warranties
📲 Follow us for tips, updates, and real-world installs:
YouTube: @hartzellsheatair6003
X: https://x.com/HartzellsHVAC
Facebook: facebook.com/hartzellsheatair
LinkedIn: Dave Hartzell
Built on trust. Backed by warranty. Designed for comfort.
View all episodes
By Dave Hartzell's Heat & Air - Kingfisher,OKFormat: Pre-call and post-call
Runtime: ~8 minutes
Source: Psychology , complicated grief, decision identity confusion; continuing bonds theory (Klass, Silverman & Nickman, 1996)
On the way out I'm thinking about what it means to make decisions in a house that isn't yours yet and also will never stop being someone else's.
He called about a system that wasn't heating right. His mother's house. She'd passed two months ago. The house was in probate and he was managing it from out of town, coming back on weekends to deal with things. The HVAC was one of the things.
He'd found my number in a folder in a kitchen drawer , my business card, from a call I'd done at the house five or six years ago. He said his mother had kept it in a folder labeled "House People." I found that out when he told me, on the call, that he was standing in his mother's kitchen and everything in it was still exactly where she'd put it.
He was there when I arrived. Mid-fifties, came from about three hours away, been there since Friday afternoon working through the list of what needed to be addressed. He looked tired in the particular way that probate-weekend tired looks , not the tiredness of physical work but the tiredness of sustained decision-making in an emotional environment.
He showed me to the unit. On the way down the hall we passed her bedroom and the door was closed. He didn't say anything about it and I didn't look.
The system needed a heat exchanger. Not a cheap repair, and given the age of the unit, the conversation had to include the alternative , whether to repair or replace.
That conversation is always about the numbers. But in an inherited house, it has a layer the numbers don't account for.
I said: I can walk you through both options. The repair is less upfront but you're working with an older unit. Replacement is more now but it solves it for fifteen years.
He said: I don't know what she would have done.
He said it quietly. Not to me, exactly. More like thinking out loud.
There's a body of research in grief psychology called continuing bonds theory, developed by Klass, Silverman, and Nickman in 1996, which challenged the older idea that grieving meant letting go , severing the attachment to the deceased and moving forward. What Klass found, from interviews with bereaved people, was that most of them don't let go. They maintain an ongoing relationship with the person they've lost, renegotiated in a new form. The person stays present , in decisions, in values, in the voice you hear when you're standing in someone's kitchen reading the labels in the cabinet.
Give Us A Shout
Thanks for tuning in to Hartzell's Heat & Air, your trusted HVAC experts in Oklahoma and beyond. From Kingfisher to coast-to-coast consulting, we design, install, and maintain smart, efficient systems that deliver year-round comfort.
We're employee-owned, family-run, and powered by 45+ years of experience. Whether it's AI-powered thermostats, geothermal systems, or classic tune-ups, we deliver upfront pricing, expert care, and warranties that back it all up.
🛠️ Book Online:
https://book.housecallpro.com/book/Hartzells-Heat--Air/4a569038b3dc460daf2d5f6497b18351?v2=true
🌐 www.hartzellsheatair.com
📞 (405) 375-4822
🚛 Trane Comfort Specialist • Mitsubishi Diamond Dealer • ClimateMaster Elite
🛡️ VIP Comfort Club • Remote Monitoring • Extended Warranties
📲 Follow us for tips, updates, and real-world installs:
YouTube: @hartzellsheatair6003
X: https://x.com/HartzellsHVAC
Facebook: facebook.com/hartzellsheatair
LinkedIn: Dave Hartzell
Built on trust. Backed by warranty. Designed for comfort.