Grief House - Portals

In this short episode we explore the roles, burdens and responsibilities of heroes, villains and victims. Sascha tells me I'm not the villain I write myself as in the stories in my head, and I begin to believe her. 

In this episode on trust Sascha and I share lessons our mothers taught us about how to fall.

We discuss falling well down flights of stairs, fallen cakes, and Mario Brothers' leap-and-falls. We explore the way lessons are taught in community, and, again, delight in our good luck in falling into each others' lives and hearts.

In this special episode Sascha talks with Cheryl Delany of Bit By Bit Counseling about control, perfectionism, chaos and letting go. They delve into the particular trust fall experiences of non-standard brain chemistry and parenting and the rewards of allowing things to move in uncharted, un-called-for ways.

In part two of this series Sascha and I talk about the concept of fledging more generally: what happens when we're tossed from our nest into inhospitable landscapes? Has the goal always been to send our young ones off to better worlds? What happens when we stayed close and built something complex nearby each other? 

We also think about the many ways we've thrown ourselves from nests - the ways we've found ourselves too large and crowded and bravely leaped for spaces that might hold more of us more completely. 

The two episodes in this series are a recording of a long conversation Sascha and I had whilst sitting in a mountain house in Georgia. Over coffee and tiny supermarket donuts we talked for (literal) hours about our maternal lines: where our mothers' people came from, the gifts and challenges of their particular nests, how they sent their young ones out into the world. We wonder about fledging - how a strong and functional flock gets formed.

In episode one we go deep into our stories. Included are such topics as: logging camps in Florida, supermarket chains, voyages across the Atlantic and miracles of various types. We welcome you to get to know us, our mothers and our mothers' mothers!

In this episode Sascha and I respond to some frequently asked (and a few unasked) questions about The Grief House.

The sound quality is a little off in this episode. You might ask 
Q: Laura, did you chose to record this sitting cross legged in an armchair with your microphone balanced on a pile of books balanced on your lap? 

And I would have to answer 
A: Yes, I did. At the time I was delighted by how much it made me feel like an otter, but now I see the folly of my ways. 

Perhaps imagining me as a misguided otter will help you feel better about how hard it is to hear and understand me in this episode? If not be reassured that Sascha is crystal clear and very worth listening to, and I have every plan to return to my desk next time around!

In this episode, Sascha, Jana DeCristofaro and I open a discussion with our death companions about how we might spend our final incarnate moments together.

Being variously acquainted with/inclined toward the idea of death companions that are born alongside us and accompany through mortality teaching and reteaching us ways we might fall into their arms, this experiment plays out a little differently in each of us.

In the end we talk about: shame and guilt, cougars, respectful informality, Sicily and trust. I do not officially sign up to be death-witness for the general public, but do gladly and gratefully accept the position for Sascha's and Jana's deaths. Gladly and gratefully.

In this episode Sascha and I respond to the essay, The Body Of My Mother by Perdita Finn:

Tell me about your mother’s body. Her hands and her feet, her belly and her breasts. Tell me about her skin and her hair and the color of her eyes. Tell me about her smell—her breath, her underarms, the scent of her when she leaned in close.

In the beginning I do not want to know your grievances with her. Do not tell me, yet, about how she failed you, disappointed you, infuriated you, frightened you. Do not tell me about your relationship with her, much as I know you want to confess and condemn, plead and implore. No, let us leave all that, for now. Tell me about your mother’s body.

We do. 
It feels great. 
We hope to do it again and again.

In this very special episode Sascha, Jana and I introduce ourselves and each other to our disappointment creatures. They are a rag-tag crew, but (in my opinion) overall pretty great. I would send them on any number of missions together. 

We talk about the utility of disappointment, it's reasons for being, what kinds of disappointment was served up at our various childhood tables, the appropriate age for disappointment to go into private legal practice and what conditions might prompt her to give the courtroom up  for a nice, plush couch and some daytime TV. I find out my disappointment could use some plumping up and long quite sincerely for a way to send her to camp with Sascha's and Jana's creatures.

Overall I couldn't be more satisfied with a conversation. This is one of my favorites. Give it a try - I don't think it will disappoint!

In this special episode Sascha, Jana DeCristopharo of the Dougy Center and I search out and approach our wild grief creatures. Some of them are lava monsters, some are trapped behind sliding doors. They are vaporous, shocked, frozen and misunderstood.  They grieve death, separation, abandonment and things unknown. They are adrift and anchored and swimming strongly in their own and a big communal river of loss.  

We make contact and start up conversations and then wonder about how this work might work in the bigger world.

Featured: The Dougy Center and The Grief House. 
Mysteriously Alluded To: Jana's snake haired dream baby.