Warning: This episodes discusses the loss of a child due to a substance related death.

When Becky’s daughter Katie began struggling with substances, Becky was repeatedly told by friends, family and professionals to disconnect and let her hit rock bottom. Scared and confused, Becky reluctantly agreed, despite how painful and unnatural it felt. She eventually changed tactics and began rebuilding a relationship with Katie. And though Katie ultimately lost her life to substances, Becky’s choice gave them both a chance to reconnect.

On this episode of “Rethinking Rock Bottom,” Becky shares with us how being connected to others allowed her to persist in connecting with her daughter, how she allowed herself to love herself and her daughter in spite of so much heartache, and how her connection with Katie lives on even through Katie’s passing.

“Nothing may take away one’s grief, as it is hoped nothing can take away one’s love.” 

• [:36] Mother Becky recalls the light and life that Katie brought into the world and the changes that first indicated trouble.
• [5:17] “She left us and I couldn’t do anything” — Becky’s fight for her adult daughter’s safety. 
• [10:15] The turning point in Becky’s attempt to stay connected to her daughter. 
• [12:26] The power of connecting with people who have shared experiences with the help of CRAFT.
• [14:56] The compounded emotional struggle of staying connected while navigating the treatment system.
• [17:00] What Becky learned about self compassion for herself through the transformative process of helping Katie. 
• [21:00] Becky recalls the final days of Katie’s life. 
• [24:33] The support Becky found through her willingness to learn from SpiritWorks and ITC training. 
• [26:48] Becky’s advice for parents who are ready to stay connected and keep moving forward. 
• [29:39] The compassionate and encouraging words of advice that Becky would offer to her early-journey self. 
• [32:25] Becky’s encouragement for listeners who are considering the ITC program. 
• [33:46] The ITC program offers skills and support that can effectively and lovingly reach a loved one rather than push them away. 

 

Additional Resources:

• CMC: Foundation For Change
• SpiritWorks Foundation
• Beyond Addiction Workbook: 
• Beyond Addiction: How Science and Kindness Help People Change
• Grief Recovery After Substance Passing (GRASP) A healing community offering understanding compassion and support to those who have lost a loved one to substance use.

 

Tweetables:

• “I often thought, if I can just get her to see me, I can fix this. I didn’t realize the substance had taken the place of me.” — Becky
• “Even before I knew what rock bottom truly was, it wasn’t someplace I wanted her to be.” — Becky
• “There is power in connecting with other people who have shared experiences because there is so much shame and stigma that comes with having a loved one struggle with substance use.” — Jan
• “You’re never going to be the person you were before.  You’ve got to accept that there’s going to be a change.” — Becky
• “Life is going to be different, and there is still joy in this world.” — Becky
• “If Becky had detached or waited for Katie to hit rock bottom before she engaged with her, she would have missed out on these healing moments.” — Jan