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Much of what you wish for, hope for…is on the other side of arming yourself with a good ol’ life- weathered map, lovingly and painfully charted with your own hand.  

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1st Interview with the man himself, Jason.  We got married about 2 months ago and he will be cohosting me in the future, so I thought it would be good to kick off an interview episode with him.  He talks about his journey and how he got to the version of himself he is today.  Dude is a legend.  

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Simple version of my story, why any of this matters to me, and what you can expect moving forward.  

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It is with a heavy heart that brings me to Facebook once again to announce the passing of one of my own. Sometimes our lives take strange, winding roads.  Sometimes, we find ourselves in places we never imagined in our wildest of dreams.  Sometimes, life takes our breath away for wonderful reasons and sometimes for horrible reasons.  Sometimes, we feel as though life is cruising in the sunshine and sometimes it feels as though the torrent is unrelenting.  Sometimes, we turn a corner to find unexpected horror and sometimes unexpected beauty.  

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Today's  message is this:

Magic

Still

Exists

In 

The

World

Just like life can change in a moment for the worse, so it can with good.  You never know what awaits you in the next moment. If you choose to find it, if you choose to seek it, if you choose to change the way you see yourself and others, if you choose to…you will find magic.  It’s everywhere.  Little geocaches carefully placed by a loving Heavenly Father to keep hope and awe and wonder alive in a world that wants you to feel dark. 

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A wise widow friend once told me…”Grief has it’s demands and it will get them one way or another.”  Over time I have added upon that wisdom.  “You can either hand over the price we must all pay willingly, or you can withhold the price and it will be withdrawn from your soul by force.”

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As soon as my eyes opened, confusion descended.  It was Easter morning 3 years ago. Where was I?  It took a good 3 seconds for my brain to start firing the horrors of the night before.  The realization that Kaden was in a morgue this morning slammed into my chest like a hammer on an anvil.  My heart was flattened beneath the two and drained of blood.  My mind twisted with pain as last night came flooding back, in all it’s horror.

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Sometimes life feels like we are in a boxing ring.  Sometimes it’s just downright a freaking dog fight. Hopefully, that’s not how it is all the time for us but sometimes, it definitely can feel this way.  I have found myself in the ring MANY times at this point, more than I can count and more than I’d like to admit to.  I think there are many of us that are in a ring and don’t even understand who our opponent is, what it is that we are even rumbling with.  For the majority of the time I spent in the ring of life, needing to fight my way onto sunnier paths, I have not known who or what my opponent really was.  I’m in a ring, shuffling back and forth, swinging at shadows and ghosts.  All my efforts doing nothing for me, because I can’t land a punch to anything other than air.  So much anger and frustration and exhaustion and grief.  Shadows and ghosts, shadows and ghosts. 

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I’ve come to believe that we all wear masks, some are just thicker than others.  Some of us have figured out how to make our masks razor thin.  Some have huge, hefty, thick masks and their bodies/hearts/minds are bent under the weight of them.  Some live in the in between. 

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I told my 13 year old I was doing 10 posts leading up to Kaden’s death date with all the most powerful lessons learned along the way.  I asked for her teenage wisdom, what she thought her most powerful lesson learned has been.  Without even thinking she said this: “You never know who is hurting, so freaking be nice”.  I decided to tackle that one tonight.  She is so right.