In today's episode, we delve into the subject of Tonkin's Model of Grief. When exploring various grief theories through a Google search, Tonkin's Model of Grief may appear as a potential option. However, it is essential to clarify that Tonkin's model primarily pertains to the experience of parental loss, specifically the loss of a child, and emphasizes the process of adapting and growing while carrying the weight of grief. Therefore, it is not entirely accurate to categorize it as a comprehensive grief theory.

This distinction holds significance because numerous online sources erroneously label Tonkin's model as a theoretical framework. In the realm of academic discourse, a genuine theory is founded on rigorous scientific evidence and offers a systematic framework for comprehending facets of the human condition, including grief. Mislabeling models as theories can lead to misconceptions and misapplications.

Furthermore, we explore the transformative influence of social media on the experiences of grieving mothers. The digital landscape has emerged as a catalyst for social change, where each narrative shared and every grief-related meme disseminated contributes to the creation of a supportive and empathetic community. This communal sharing of grief narratives has facilitated a societal shift, making it more acceptable today than a decade ago to openly acknowledge enduring grief over a lifetime, a stark contrast to the era when grief was often concealed and unspoken. https://www.instagram.com/grievinginsomniacs/?hl=en

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In today's episode, we discuss how to determine whether a counselor is going to meet your needs for grief counseling. This podcast episode offers valuable insights and practical advice for individuals who are seeking support and guidance through the complex journey of choosing a grief therapist. We explore various aspects of what makes a grief counselor a good match for the grief counseling process. We discuss helping listeners understand how to select the right counselor who can provide the support and assistance they need during this challenging time. We cover these topics in today's episodes:

1. How to complete an interview with a therapist that you want to hire to assist you with your grief.

2. What is a theoretical orientation and why does it matter?

3. How to inquire about what type of style the therapist uses to assist clients?

4. Which methods of counseling do they use?

5. Which grief theory models do they use to assist clients?

6. The difference between life coaching, counseling, and peer support.

Leave me a message on Spotify letting me know if you like the new style of podcast or prefer the story telling style.

Thanks for listening. https://www.instagram.com/grievinginsomniacs/?hl=en

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Bio:

I was living the average life. I was married with two children working in a profession that I loved. On June 19. 2011 that life was destroyed and I became another person. My oldest son died unexpectedly. My son did not die from cancer. Chemotherapy killed him. It is a common experience, but I didn’t know that then. I thought that chemotherapy was going to save him. Almost immediately I felt betrayed by my profession because I was a counselor. I should have known how to handle his death. The loneliness started almost immediately. I felt so alone. I stopped sleeping and the people around me began to disappear. I knew I needed community. 10 years later I am finally in a place where I am trying to build the community that I so desperately needed when Christopher first died. We can’t change that our children died, but we can help each other through it. Join me in creating a community for grieving mothers to share our stories creating a sacred space for authentic grieving.

It is my mission for the podcast to provide grieving mothers everywhere a safe, sacred space where their grief is accepted. It is through the podcast that the culture of silence that surrounds the suffering of the mother will be dismantled, and a culture of support will be created. It is our vision to create a community where we can share our questions, and concerns, and support each other.

I am here, and I am listening. I am honored to hear your story.

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We hope you will like and subscribe to get regular updates on our show.

If you have questions or concerns, send us a message at [email protected] or leave us a message at https://anchor.fm/grievinginsomniacs/message.

Welcome back to another episode of Grieving Insomaniacs. Today we have a profound and essential topic: Continuing Bonds in Grief Therapy. Continuing Bonds as a way to navigate grief was developed by Phyllis Silverman, Dennis Glass, and Steven Nickman in their book Continuing Bonds, New Understanding of Grief. This theory states that instead of severing our connection to our deceased loved ones, we find ways to continue the relationship. Some practical examples of how to incorporate this theory in your own grief experience are provided. Our host, Cristi Habermann shares how she used this theory to develop her relationship to her son through the use of memories and imagination. Join us in our discovery that grief doesn't have to be an ending but it can be a path to new beginnings.

The link to their books is below.

https://www.amazon.com/Continuing-Bonds-Understandings-Education-Health/dp/1560323396/ref=sr_1_1?crid=2CVAA6H10D3JH&keywords=continuing+bonds+new+understandings+of+grief&qid=1694366000&sprefix=continuing+bonds%2Caps%2C140&sr=8-1

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In today's episode, we dive deep into the profound impact of unfinished farewells and the complex emotions that come with not getting the chance to say goodbye. Life often interferes with our ability to say goodbye, leaving us with unsaid words, unexpressed feelings, and a longing for closure. Your host Cristi Habermann explores the impact of the weight of unfinished business with the untimely death of her son, and other relatives. In her attempt to seek closure for herself, she shares tips on how to navigate the transition of death. Cristi learned how to develop a connection with her son through the love they shared and memories. Listen in as she shares what she has learned in this podcast.

"Death is but a transition from this life to a shared connection of love and memories. "

Biography:

Cristi was living the average life. I was married with two children working in a profession that I loved. On June 19. 2011 that life was destroyed and I became another person. My oldest son died unexpectedly. My son did not die from cancer. Chemotherapy killed him. It is a common experience, but I didn’t know that then. I thought that chemotherapy was going to save him. Almost immediately I felt betrayed by my profession because I was a counselor. I should have known how to handle his death. The loneliness started almost immediately. I felt so alone. I stopped sleeping and the people around me began to disappear. I knew I needed community. 10 years later I am finally in a place where I am trying to build the community that I so desperately needed when Christopher first died. We can’t change that our children died, but we can help each other through it. Join me in creating a community for grieving mothers to share our stories creating a sacred space for authentic grieving.

It is my mission for the podcast to provide grieving mothers everywhere a safe, sacred space where their grief is accepted. It is through the podcast that the culture of silence that surrounds the grief of the mother will be dismantled, and a culture of support will be created. It is our vision to create a community where we can share our questions, and concerns, and support each other.

I am here and I am listening. I am honored to hear your story.

https://wordpress.com/view/grievinginsomniacs.wordpress.com

We hope that you will like and subscribe to get regular updates on our show.

If you have questions or concerns, send us a message at [email protected] or leave us a message at https://anchor.fm/grievinginsomniacs/message.

I had a grief nightmare last night that sent me on a quest to research them. In the podcast today I discuss what areas of the brain are active when we sleep that are involved in dreams and nightmares. Nightmares occur during REM sleep. We have about four cycles of REM sleep a night. The longer we sleep the longer the REM cycles last which results in more nightmares and dreams in the early mornings. Several things can cause nightmares such as stress, medical disorders, medications, and bereavement. Using my dream as an example we walk through how to use the information obtained in the dreams to highlight areas that need attention in our lives. Our dreams and nightmares are often symbolic of our past experiences and current stressors combined with the current moment. Using these symbolic messages we can learn to cope with the nightmares. Several techniques are discussed for coping with nightmares. One technique is practicing an alternative outcome to the situation. A second technique is coping with the emotions that are triggered by the nightmares. Finally, use all the information from your nightmares to help you find a path to resolve the conflict or experience that is interfering with your sleep. Listen in and let me know what you think.

https://anchor.fm/grievinginsomniacs/message.⁠

Biography:

I was living the average life. I was married with two children working in a profession that I loved. On June 19. 2011 that life was destroyed and I became another person. My oldest son died unexpectedly. My son did not die from cancer. Chemotherapy killed him. It is a common experience, but I didn’t know that then. I thought that chemotherapy was going to save him. Almost immediately I felt betrayed by my profession because I was a counselor. I should have known how to handle his death. The loneliness started almost immediately. I felt so alone. I stopped sleeping and the people around me began to disappear. I knew I need community. 10 years later I am finally in a place where I am trying to build the community that I so desperately needed when Christopher first died. We can’t change that our children died, but we can help each other through it. Join me in creating a community for grieving mothers to share our stories with each other creating a sacred space for authentic grieving.

It is my mission for the podcast to provide grieving mothers everywhere a safe, sacred space where their grief is accepted. It is through the podcast that the culture of silence that surrounds the grief of the mother will be dismantled, and a culture of support will be created. It is our vision to create a community where we can share our questions, and concerns, and support each other.

I am here and I am listening. I am honored to hear your story.

https://wordpress.com/view/grievinginsomniacs.wordpress.com

It is our hope that you will like and subscribe to get regular updates on our show.

If you have questions or concerns, send us a message at [email protected] or leave us a message at https://anchor.fm/grievinginsomniacs/message.

Any Google search on grief will display multiple types of grief, from the loss of a job to the break up of a relationship to the loss of a loved one. All these grief experiences are different, and we need to quit discussing them as if they are the same. In today's episode, I discuss all the reasons why the loss of a job is not similar to the loss of a child. My first reason is the physiological response after the loss of a child is significantly different than when you lose a job. The second reason is that the brain changes in response to the traumatic loss of a child. The second reason is that putting all grief types in the same category ensures that a therapist or other professional will treat them as all the same. This is why grieving mothers become so frustrated with therapists who minimize their grief. It is because they believe it is the same. We can change this by telling your story. Come on the podcast and be a part of the change by telling your grief story. Contact me at grieving insomniacs on Facebook or Instagram.

Biography:

I was living the average life. I was married with two children working in a profession that I loved. On June 19. 2011 that life was destroyed and I became another person. My oldest son died unexpectedly. My son did not die from cancer. Chemotherapy killed him. It is a common experience, but I didn’t know that then. I thought that chemotherapy was going to save him. Almost immediately I felt betrayed by my profession because I was a counselor. I should have known how to handle his death. The loneliness started almost immediately. I felt so alone. I stopped sleeping and the people around me began to disappear. I knew I need community. 10 years later I am finally in a place where I am trying to build the community that I so desperately needed when Christopher first died. We can’t change that our children died, but we can help each other through it. Join me in creating a community for grieving mothers to share our stories creating a sacred space for authentic grieving.

It is my mission for the podcast to provide grieving mothers everywhere a safe, sacred space where their grief is accepted. It is through the podcast that the culture of silence that surrounds the grief of the mother will be dismantled, and a culture of support will be created. It is our vision to create a community where we can share our questions, and concerns, and support each other.

I am here and I am listening. I am honored to hear your story.

https://wordpress.com/view/grievinginsomniacs.wordpress.com

We hope that you will like and subscribe to get regular updates on our show.

If you have questions or concerns, send us a message at [email protected] or leave us a message at https://anchor.fm/grievinginsomniacs/message

Validation is when you accept someone's emotions and experiences. How many times have you heard someone say "It's time to get over your grief?" This is an invalidation of your grief experience. There are messages everywhere about grief, and how people are to respond to grief especially when it comes to losing a child. Most of these messages are invalidating.

Why do we care?

Because when a person feels invalidated they question their reality and start thinking something is wrong with them. When the truth is nothing is wrong with them. This invalidation can worsen the grief a person is experiencing and can lead to worsening emotional health. Validation matters.

Validation is when someone feels confirms a person's emotional experience even when they don't UNDERSTAND the experience. The grief after the loss of a child is hard to understand. There are physical, emotional, and cognitive changes to the person experiencing it. The beauty of it is a person doesn't need to understand it to validate a person's experience.

A simple "I hear what you are saying." "I see that you are sad" is all that is needed to validate someone's grief.

Silence is validating too. Just being present can sometimes be enough.

Listen in to more tips and get a better understanding of validation and grief.

I was living the average life. I was married with two children working in a profession that I loved. On June 19. 2011 that life was destroyed, and I became another person. My oldest son died unexpectedly. My son did not die from cancer. Chemotherapy killed him. It is a common experience, but I didn’t know that then. I thought that chemotherapy was going to save him. Almost immediately I felt betrayed by my profession because I was a counselor. I should have known how to handle his death. The loneliness started almost immediately. I felt so alone. I stopped sleeping and the people around me began to disappear. I knew I needed community. 10 years later I am finally in a place where I am trying to build the community that I so desperately needed when Christopher first died. We can’t change that our children died, but we can help each other through it. Join me in creating a community for grieving mothers to share our stories creating a sacred space for authentic grieving.

It is my mission for the podcast to provide grieving mothers everywhere a safe, sacred space where their grief is accepted. It is through the podcast that the culture of silence that surrounds the grief of the mother will be dismantled, and a culture of support will be created. It is our vision to create a community where we can share our questions, and concerns, and support each other.

I am here and I am listening. I am honored to hear your story.

https://wordpress.com/view/grievinginsomniacs.wordpress.com

We hope you will like and subscribe to get regular updates on our show.

If you have questions or concerns, send us a message at [email protected] or leave us a message at https://anchor.fm/grievinginsomniacs/message.

I attended a family reunion for my father's 80th birthday party this week. I was excited to see family and spend time with them. I did not expect to have my grief triggered by being with family. I was naive about my own grief and grief triggers. I tend to feel my grief as physical symptoms therefore, I was more tired than usual which led to irritability. After my experience, I want to share some times in hopes you can avoid being triggered as I was.

First of all, expect to be triggered.

Second: Have an escape plan for when you are triggered.

Third: Be honest about your grief.

Fourth: Surround yourself with emotionally safe people.

Lastly, You are not responsible for managing other people's grief or emotions surrounding the loss of your child.

Biography:

I was living the average life. I was married with two children working in a profession that I loved. On June 19. 2011 that life was destroyed and I became another person. My oldest son died unexpectedly. My son did not die from cancer. Chemotherapy killed him. It is a common experience, but I didn’t know that then. I thought that chemotherapy was going to save him. Almost immediately I felt betrayed by my profession because I was a counselor. I should have known how to handle his death. The loneliness started almost immediately. I felt so alone. I stopped sleeping and the people around me began to disappear. I knew I need community. 10 years later I am finally in a place where I am trying to build the community that I so desperately needed when Christopher first died. We can’t change that our children died, but we can help each other through it. Join me in creating a community for grieving mothers to share our stories with each other creating a sacred space for authentic grieving.

It is my mission for the podcast to provide grieving mothers everywhere a safe, sacred space where their grief is accepted. It is through the podcast that the culture of silence that surrounds the grief of the mother will be dismantled, and a culture of support will be created. It is our vision to create a community where we can share our questions, and concerns, and support each other.

I am here and I am listening. I am honored to hear your story.

https://wordpress.com/view/grievinginsomniacs.wordpress.com

It is our hope that you will like and subscribe to get regular updates on our show.

If you have questions or concerns, send us a message at [email protected] or leave us a message at https://anchor.fm/grievinginsomniacs/message.

How you grieve can be affected by your attachment style? An attachment style is related to how a person connects to their primary caregiver as an infant. There are four types of attachment. 1. secure 2. anxious 3. anxious-avoidant, 4. avoidant. John Bowlby, an attachment researcher, and theorist, wrote in his book Attachment and Loss that our attachment system becomes activated in our grief. We use our attachment system to cope with adversity and cope with our grief.

Listen in as we discuss his theory and how it relates to your attachment style. Take the quiz below to find out what attachment style you have. My results were as I thought. I am part anxious, part avoidance, and part secure.

Take your quiz here https://www.npr.org/2022/02/09/1079587715/whats-your-attachment-style-quiz

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