Groove with Portia

What happens when grief doesn't give you enough time to grieve?

Kellye Thunder Davis spent decades teaching meditation, mindfulness and stress management. But after experiencing the deaths of four people close to her, including her mother and her sweetheart Chris, the teacher suddenly became the student.

On this episode of Groove with Portia, Kellye joins me to talk about the experiences behind her book, The Nature Codes: Healing Grief Through Nature's Energy & Reclaiming Joy, and what happened when the practices she had spent years teaching others met her own grief.

Kellye opens up about cumulative loss and the reality of continuing to function while emotionally overwhelmed. As one death followed another, she found herself putting grief aside because there was always something or someone else requiring her attention.

Her realization was simple but powerful: every person's passing requires a pause.
We talk about anticipatory grief, the losses we postpone processing, and why reclaiming joy doesn't mean forgetting the people we've lost.

Kellye also shares how meditation eventually led her to an unexpected message: “Go be in nature.”
That call took her deeper into nature, where silence became one of her teachers. We explore why nature doesn't operate according to the timelines humans try to place on grief and what might change if we treated grief as sacred time instead of something we're expected to quickly overcome.

Our conversation also challenges a larger contradiction: If we truly believe grief has no timeline, why do workplaces and institutions often give grieving people only a few days before expecting them to return to business as usual?

We also explore the meaning behind The Nature Codes, which Kellye describes as energy in nature reflected back to the grieving heart.

One of those encounters involved a mourning cloak butterfly Kellye initially believed was dead. Moments later, it flew into the air and landed on a plant above her. The experience made her think about her mother, transformation and an even bigger question: What really dies?

This conversation is about cumulative grief, nature, spirituality, transformation and learning to hold sadness and joy at the same time.

Because reclaiming joy doesn't mean the grief disappeared.

It means we're learning how to carry both.

Connect with Kellye Thunder Davis: https://kellyedavis.com/

What happens when everything you know professionally about grief suddenly becomes personal?

Dr. Patricia Timerman had worked in suicide prevention, intervention and postvention. She had studied suicide grief and facilitated groups for people who had lost someone to suicide.
Then her dear friend Scott died by suicide.

Suddenly, Patricia wasn’t simply the clinician facilitating the conversation. She was grieving too. Despite everything she knew professionally, she found herself minimizing her own loss because Scott wasn’t her spouse, child or parent. It was the members of her own grief group who reminded her that the relationship label didn’t determine whether her grief mattered.

On this episode of Groove with Portia, I sit down with Dr. Patricia Timerman, psychotherapist, author and founder of Advocate2Create, for an honest conversation about suicide loss, grief, guilt, identity and what happens when professional expertise meets lived experience.

We also explore something that doesn’t get talked about enough: What happens after the first year of grief?

Patricia shares how the first year after a loss can feel surreal, while the second year may bring the painful realization that you’re living in a reality you never chose. We also talk about the complicated experience of finding yourself laughing again while another part of you wonders how laughter is even possible.

Our conversation then turns to relationships.

Using her IAP model, Intention, Action and Perception, Patricia explains why two people can love and grieve the same person while experiencing one another completely differently. One person may believe they’re “holding it together” to protect someone they love, while the other person experiences that strength as emotional absence.

We also discuss the guilt and unanswered questions that can accompany suicide loss, why survivors may replay the days leading up to a death searching for answers, and how that search can sometimes turn into blame or self-blame.

Finally, I ask Patricia what finding her groove means after grief, immigration, losing her voice, professional reinvention and everything life has asked her to navigate.

This conversation is about more than surviving grief. It’s about learning how to communicate through it, making room for different expressions of loss, and allowing grief to become part of our story without allowing it to become the entirety of who we are.

Connect with Dr. Patricia Timerman: https://www.advocate2create.com/

What happens when you stop using drugs, but the pain that led you there is still waiting for you?

On this episode of Groove with Portia, I sit down with Nikki Mammano, author of Breaking Good: A Memoir, for an honest conversation about addiction, childhood trauma, homelessness, recovery, shame, identity and learning to love the person you used to be.

Nikki's life has included identities most people would never imagine existing within one story. She has experienced addiction, homelessness and incarceration, and today she is a mother, author, speaker and advocate.

But our conversation isn't simply about who Nikki used to be.

It's about what happens after survival.

Nikki describes addiction as rooted, in her experience, in trauma and disconnection. She explains that putting down the drugs didn't automatically mean putting down everything that had brought her to addiction in the first place. She still had to confront the pain, grief and experiences she had carried with her.

We also talk about something that can be difficult to reconcile in recovery: acknowledging that you were harmed while also accepting responsibility for harm you may have caused others. Nikki shares that learning to forgive and love herself despite choices she made during addiction has been one of the hardest parts of her journey.

Her memoir required another level of vulnerability.

Nikki spent years reconstructing her story, recording memories, speaking with people from her past and trying to tell what happened as honestly and fairly as she could. Writing the book was cathartic and painful—but she says realizing those words were actually going to be published was an entirely different battle.

And then I asked Nikki a question I hadn't heard anyone ask her:

Does she ever miss the woman she used to be?

Her answer surprised me.

Nikki doesn't miss those versions of herself. She's learned to love them. Instead of erasing the addict, the homeless woman or the woman who made painful choices, she's taken the best parts of those versions of herself forward as she's continued to grow.

Today, Nikki says finding her groove means finding love within herself, extending it to others and transforming the pain she's experienced into connection, service and giving back.

Connect with Nikki Mammano and learn more about Breaking Good: A Memoir:
https://www.nikkimammano.com/

Leaving an abusive relationship doesn't always mean you immediately feel free.

On this episode of Groove with Portia, I sit down with Lori Carter, domestic violence survivor, advocate and founder of The Beautiful Movement, for an honest conversation about a part of survival we don't discuss enough: the aftermath.

Lori shares that healing from domestic violence has been a lifelong journey. Years after leaving her abusive relationship, something as ordinary as raindrops hitting her face unexpectedly transported her back to a traumatic moment from her past. With the help of someone she trusted, Lori was finally able to recognize the trigger, release emotions she hadn't been able to express at the time and begin reclaiming something as simple as enjoying the rain.

We talk about the grief that can exist after abuse, including grieving the woman you were before the relationship. Lori admits that although she had gone through therapy and poured herself into helping other women, she eventually realized there was another layer of healing she hadn't addressed: she had never grieved the woman she lost.

Lori also opens up about rebuilding trust in herself before attempting to trust another person. She shares how therapy, journaling and learning to recognize warning signs became part of rebuilding the woman she remembered herself being.

We also challenge one of the most common questions survivors hear: “Why didn't you just leave?” Lori explains how threats, fear and manipulation can make leaving far more complicated than outsiders understand. When her opportunity to leave finally came, Lori walked away with her child and a diaper bag.

Today, Lori uses her experience to advocate for other survivors through The Beautiful Movement. This year, she was also recognized with a domestic violence survivor award, an honor that took her emotionally back to one of the darkest moments of her life and reminded her just how far she had come.

And what does finding her groove mean today?

For Lori, it's waking up without fear, loving herself and recognizing that she no longer has to look over her shoulder. After eight years of what she described as “breathing somebody else's air,” she can finally breathe her own.

Connect with Lori Carter and learn more about The Beautiful Movement:
https://www.thebeautifulmovement.com/

What happens when someone you love suddenly needs long-term care and you realize you weren't prepared for what comes next?

On this special episode of Groove with Portia, I'm joined by Jacklyn Ryan, Lindsay Friedman and Nicole Lennon for an important panel discussion about long-term care, family advocacy, caregiver grief, protecting our loved ones and the warning signs families need to know.

We'll also discuss the upcoming ROAR Walk for Long-Term Care Reform on Sunday, September 27 and how families can turn their experiences into advocacy and action.

Learn more about ROAR: www.roar4ltc.org

What happens when the person who is used to fixing everything is suddenly faced with something she can't control?

On this episode of Groove with Portia, I sit down with author and cancer survivor Farla Efros for an honest conversation about cancer, grief, self-advocacy and what it means to take ownership of your healthcare when life suddenly changes.

Farla shares how hearing the words “you have cancer” immediately shifted her into problem-solving mode. She approached treatment using many of the same skills she had spent years using to turn around struggling companies. But underneath the plans, appointments and determination was another experience that isn't discussed nearly enough: grief.

We talk candidly about the grief Farla experienced after losing her hair during chemotherapy, undergoing a double mastectomy and having her ovaries and fallopian tubes removed. Farla describes mourning parts of her identity and body while simultaneously fighting to stay alive.

Her cancer journey also unfolded alongside tremendous family loss. Farla had already lost her older sister to cancer. During her own diagnosis, her mother was rediagnosed with brain cancer and her father was living with Alzheimer's. Her parents eventually died within six months of each other.

We also explore what happens after cancer treatment, when everyone asks, “How are you?” and the easiest answer becomes “I'm fine,” even when you're living with pain, fatigue, brain fog or the fear that every new symptom could mean the cancer has returned.

Farla also shares the Healing Rebel Protocol and how she used organization, preparation, questions and support from others to become an active participant in her medical care. Her advice for people who don't feel capable of advocating for themselves is especially important: bring someone with you who can help listen, take notes and ask questions.

And after cancer, the loss of her sister and parents, and the changes to her body, what does finding her groove mean now?

For Farla, it's about being present, laughing, traveling, saying yes to life and creating experiences she can someday look back on without regret.

Connect with Farla Efros: https://farlaefros.com/

What if moving on was never the goal?

On this episode of Groove with Portia, I sit down with Kelly Edmondson, founder of Timely Presence and mother of Darius, for an intimate conversation about child loss, continuing bonds and what it really means to keep living when someone you love is no longer physically here.

Darius was Kelly's oldest child, born on Christmas Day, and someone she describes as magnetic, determined and a gift to the world. He died at 28, but Kelly doesn't believe her relationship with her son ended with his death. She shares how she continues to mother him, the special place she created to feel connected to him and why hearing other people tell stories about Darius gives her new experiences of her son even after his death.

We also challenge the language of “moving on.” Kelly says she will never stop being Darius's mother. Instead of leaving him behind, she has learned how to integrate his loss into her life while continuing to live, love and carry his memory forward.

As a former trauma ICU nurse, Kelly had been present for hundreds of people at the end of life. But losing her own son taught her something her professional experience couldn't: the pain experienced at the moment of death isn't the entirety of grief. Sometimes grief reveals itself months later, when you reach for the phone, encounter a milestone or suddenly realize what that person's absence means in your everyday life.

That realization eventually became part of the heart behind Timely Presence. The company helps people show up for grieving loved ones throughout the first year by sending gifts around birthdays, anniversaries, Mother's Day, holidays and other predictable emotional milestones. As Kelly puts it, “flowers die and grief doesn't.”

This isn't a conversation about leaving our loved ones behind. It's about learning how grief and joy can coexist, continuing the bonds that death cannot erase and giving ourselves permission to stay present while carrying the people we love with us.

Connect with Kelly and learn more about Timely Presence: thetimelypresence.com

What happens when the life you built suddenly changes direction?

On this episode of Groove with Portia, I sit down with entrepreneur and Podcast Connections co-founder Noémi Beres for a conversation about grief, resilience, entrepreneurship, reinvention and learning how to embrace the season you're in.

Noémi shares the lasting lessons she carries from her father, who continued planning for the future and showing up for his family while living with cancer. She also opens up about losing her father and grandmother within a short period of time, followed by another major loss when the successful travel business she had built since 2007 came to an abrupt end during the pandemic.

Instead of giving up on entrepreneurship, Noémi started again. We talk about what that season taught her about resilience, raising her son while navigating online schooling, building a new business from scratch and discovering that sometimes the detours we never planned can reveal strengths we didn't know we had.

We also get into the podcasting industry and have a candid conversation about what many hosts and guests overlook. Noémi explains why successful podcasting requires consistency, preparation and genuine relationship building, and why podcast guesting should be viewed as more than a one-time opportunity to promote yourself.

For Noémi, podcasting is ultimately about connection. She calls podcast guesting one of today's most powerful networking tools and encourages guests to continue building relationships with hosts after the recording ends rather than simply moving on to the next interview.

And when I ask Noémi what finding her groove means after everything she's experienced, her answer brings the entire conversation together: discovering who she is throughout the journey, accepting that life will continue to change, doing the inner work and remembering to enjoy the life happening right now.

Connect with Noémi Beres: https://www.linkedin.com/in/noemiberes/

Can you find gratitude for what an experience taught you without being grateful that it happened?

On this episode of Groove with Portia, I sit down with author Nicole Kranz for a candid conversation about toxic relationships, psychological abuse, self-respect and what it takes to rediscover yourself after leaving a relationship that changed you.

Nicole shares why she doesn't believe healing requires forgiving or forgetting. Instead, she found an unexpected form of gratitude—not for the harm she experienced, but for the lessons she carried forward. One of the biggest was learning the power of saying no and understanding that self-respect is a boundary worth protecting.

We also challenge one of the most common questions asked of people experiencing abusive or controlling relationships: “Why didn't you just leave?” Nicole explains why leaving can be far more complicated than it appears from the outside and challenges friends and loved ones to ask a different question: “How can I help you?”

Nicole also opens up about what she describes as an “entire reset” of herself. Rebuilding required confronting shame, sadness, old patterns and beliefs about herself while learning what it meant to truly respect the woman she was becoming.

Her novel, This Is Bullsh*t, Not a Love Story, draws from those experiences and challenges us to recognize the difference between love and a relationship where respect has disappeared.
This conversation isn't about putting a positive spin on trauma. It's about what can happen when anger no longer gets to write the rest of your story.

Sometimes finding your groove means looking back at the person you once were with compassion, choosing yourself and deciding you're no longer willing to settle. As Nicole shared at the end of our conversation, part of her journey was realizing that the first person she needed to be able to count on was herself.

Connect with Nicole Kranz: nicolekranz.com

What happens when you're trained to tell everyone else's story but never given the space to process what those stories are doing to you?

Before becoming the CEO of Healium, Sarah Hill spent years working in television news. She covered homicides, domestic violence, grieving parents, court cases and some of the worst days of people's lives. Like many journalists, there wasn't always an opportunity to stop and process what she had witnessed before moving on to the next story. Eventually, Sarah realized those experiences had accumulated.

On this episode of Groove with Portia, Sarah and I have a conversation that hits close to home for both of us as former television journalists. We talk about the stories journalists carry long after the cameras turn off, career transitions, resilience and why our paths don't always have to be linear.

We also explore the technology Sarah went on to build. Healium uses virtual reality with biofeedback and neurofeedback to allow users to visualize changes in things like heart rate and brain patterns while experiencing immersive environments. Sarah describes it as “media as medicine”—using storytelling and immersive media as tools for self-awareness and self-regulation.

But one of the most important parts of our conversation is what Healium isn't. Sarah emphasizes that the technology is not a diagnostic tool and isn't intended to replace medication or professional counseling. Instead, she sees it as another tool that can work alongside human care.

Because no matter how sophisticated our technology becomes, sometimes what a person needs most is another human being willing to see them.

And perhaps Sarah's biggest reminder is that finding your groove doesn't require following a straight path. Sometimes the unexpected turns give us exactly what we need for whatever we're meant to build next.

Connect with Sarah Hill and learn more about Healium:
https://tryhealium.com/