Growing Nimble Families

 

Tools and ideas about moving from guided homework to independent homework with school-age kids. Homework demands change. As kids get older, there are new skills to master with homework. Examples like time management on a project, using software and overcoming problems during the process of work.

If our kids dine out on their natural talent only, eventually they will hit some hard walls as work becomes more difficult and be stuck. They need to get used to effort, hard work and learning how to get up when they hit hard obstacles.

Right around the time that many of our kids are making mistakes, learning and growing coincide with when they don’t want parental help. They are uncomfortable with the skill of asking for help. The pressure is there.

Coasting and homework

Lots of kids are coasting without experiencing the stretch of learning through challenge and moving from adequate to good and good to excellent.

Like all family related activities, this is deeply personal to each of our families. Each child is different. But we want the same thing- to know our kids have the skills so we can relax, nag less and they can fly.

The skills mentioned in today’s episode help support us now where we are. Whatever our kid’s ability we want them to succeed, be confident, have tools to support them when they encounter problems. We go deep today. It’s not a blueprint. I’m looking forward to your thoughts as you tackle empowering our kids’ homework muscle from guided homework to independent homework.

 

Growing Nimble Families podcast encourages the celebration of school age kids traveling through middle childhood

Show Notes

Seven ways to support your child at school move towards independence

* When silence isn’t golden, productive or helpful. Finding the right place for homework isn’t fixed and may not be what you are expecting.

* Sharing the thought process that takes you seconds because you have wisdom and experience. Why it will be a big win to share what to do during this problem-solving exercise.

* Getting down into the different types of homework. It’s all about the model. Give it time. Just because you have four pieces of homework doesn’t mean you start from 1 and then 2. The way to make homework easier.

resource: project working 

4. Helping School-Age Kids Correct Their Work  Grab our printable

5. How we respond when they don’t complete 

6.  6 Questions To Ask Your School-Age Child After Homework  Grab our printable

7. After the feedback

resource: Self-reflection resource:   

 

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These show notes:

 

Our guest today Dr Michele Borba talks about how to help our kids tap into empathy. We talk about social and emotional learning and its value both now in school and as adults, the empathy advantage, how to talk about empathy with school age kids and what’s the most important thing to know about empathy.

 

Growing Nimble Families podcast encourages the celebration of school age kids traveling through middle childhood

Show Notes

 

Follow:  Dr Borba   Website: micheleborba.com

Resource: Book discussion guide: Unselfie- Dr Michele Borba

* WHAT TO DO NEXT:

So you’ve listened to this episode – if you liked it and want to hear other ones – and I really think you will….you should do this right now:

    

   How to listen and subscribe to this show

I’d love to hear from you about the show.

Any comments about the podcast use the Voicemail and connect on Facebook

Use the hashtag #gnfsak on  Twitter  and  Instagram

If you’ve enjoyed the show please take the time to share it with friends and leave a review for it on iTunes or Stitcher.

 

 

 

How about a different run-up to the start of back to school time?

With a little planning and a little sharing, there’s a better way to have a successful back to school season. As the school age kids are getting older, there’s a possibility that they can share in the back to school systems and get started on learning to make some school decisions.

As gatekeepers, often we know where to buy all the things, what to do first and how to organize the lists around the start of school and how to manage the school year. It makes us really busy( stressed!), and many times the kids are not grateful or understanding of our careful choices or suggestions.

Back to school systems for school age kids

This episode we focus on sharing our family values, teaching some of our school systems to our kids, so they have some autonomy and letting them wrestle with some low stakes decision making.

It might be easier and quicker if we do everything ourselves but in the long run, it’s not okay to keep a tight reign on everything always.

Come with me on a journey as I share three ways we can give back to the family, so there’s less crazy and more understanding during the back to school season. As we show them how to manage significant transition times- like a boss! ( because they are not going to experience things like this…….soon?) The big bonus is that it spills into the school year and sets us all up for much more collaboration, understanding and less burden of being the keeper of the mental load.

Growing Nimble Families podcast encourages the celebration of school age kids traveling through middle childhood

Show Notes

When we control, every little detail kids will find ways to take back some control somehow. During the school-age years while we need to teach and direct we must find ways to share why we do what we do, give ample opportunity and space to talk through and allow the chips to fall on the simple things when the stakes are low and real learning can happen.

After years of being solely in control for many times, the school-age years seems trying and tiring as the kids push against the rules and want to know why? It is really hard as parents to let go of doing it- whatever ‘it’ may be- just one way when you know it to be true or better. Risk taking seems all the harder when they are at school, but they need to know we’re there for them to guide, mentor, share and tell, when necessary.

Kids learn by doing. We can be there while they are doing something, like back to school so that next time they can try and do for themselves. They have the new knowledge they need the practice and to sharpen those skills.

Not all kids are the same, and you know your family. I hope that while you listen, you’ll keep your family in mind and perhaps find somewhere to start.

Resources mentioned in the episode:

Video: The Holderness Family

 

Healthy school lunch

Other places for inspiration

Awesome emotionally healthy kids

Your guide to mastering whole family systems during the school age years

* WHAT TO DO NEXT:

So you’ve listened to this episode – if you liked it and want to hear other ones – and I really think you will….you should do this right now:

 

Middle and secondary school kids have a lot of new things to handle. We’ve talked about managing projects and how to study in previous episodes. Today we’re talking with Jessica Lahey, author of the New York Times bestselling book, The Gift of Failure: How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed.

We’re talking about some of the big questions to do with motivation, learning and grades that appear in middle school including portals and letting them ask for help. Middle and Secondary school is a big step for us as parents as we learn to let go carefully, thoughtfully and in due time.

This is a good episode for new incoming parents and parents wanting to change their current situation.

Growing Nimble Families podcast encourages the celebration of school age kids traveling through middle childhood

Show Notes

Jessica talks about Middle school and Secondary school students:

* What led you to write a book like this?

* If you have a child that’s not motivated in school should you pay them for better results?

Resource: The opposite of spoiled by Ron Lieber

* How do you show recognition as a parent if your child does really well? ( Honors, A grades, full marks)

* What is Process over product?

* Good questions to ask about good work?

* What a good student/parent-teacher conference looks like.

* What’s the deal should I pay for grades or should I not?

* What parents really need to know that our kids don’t tell us

* What is Autonomy supportive parenting?

* What are two things that we can confidently stop doing ( and it will be much better!)

Jessica on Twitter     Jessica on Instagram

WHAT TO DO NEXT:

So you’ve listened to this episode – if you liked it and want to hear other ones – and I really think you will….you should do this right now:

    

   How to listen and subscribe to this show

I’d love to hear from you about the show.

Any comments about the podcast use the Voicemail

Use the hashtag #gnfsak

If you’ve enjoyed the show please take the time to share it with friends and leave a review for it on iTunes or Stitcher.

 

 

Jobs are disappearing and lots of new types of jobs appear all the time. The path towards school age kids future career and job ideas doesn’t have to be random. With the student ratio of students to career counselor in many schools being 491:1 it is really important that parents are involved in supporting the whole process.

Our guest today is Jamie Beck, M.S, speaker and former CSU Career Counselor. She’s the founder of Career vision by jamie.com  where she is reshaping the way job seekers fundamentally conceptualize, search, and apply for work. She’s bringing information for parents of all the ages of school age children that help us be involved but the kids doing the learning.

Lots of the ideas Jaime shares apply throughout the school age. You don’t have to be a middle or high school parent for this episode.

Growing Nimble Families podcast encourages the celebration of school age kids traveling through middle childhood

Show Notes

Jamie talks about

Tips and ideas for elementary, middle and high school parents on supporting their children as we’re the best careers support for them.

What’s your career bank like?

What to do if your child gets stuck on ONE idea that’s not practical?

What’s one thing parents can do to understand future job/career prospects?

An alternative way of looking at future career ideas that don’t keep us fixed or stuck with one idea.

Helping kids see the reality of careers

Practical things to do if the kids have NO idea about career ideas. How to get them going.

The significance of the number; 32, 850  and our children

When your child wants to do an irregular income career you’re not happy about….how to navigate this path as a parent and child.

Resources: Pi day activities

* Find more than 50 ideas for ways to make Pi Day entertaining, educational, tasty, and fun. 

* 14 Mathtastic Pi Day Activities for the Classroom

* π Day March 14, 2018

Brain Sort Question from the podcast:  What is it that you ( the parent) love that you would do for free 40 hours a week? ( Ends: March 24 9pm Eastern)

WHAT TO DO NEXT:

So you’ve listened to this episode – if you liked it and want to hear other ones – and I really think you will….you should do this right now:

    

   How to listen and subscribe to this show

I’d love to hear from you about the show.

Any comments about the podcast use the Voicemail

Use the hashtag #gnfsak

If you’ve enjoyed the show please take the time to share it with friends and leave a review for it on iTunes or Stitcher.

 

 

Anyone else experiencing a new normal with the kids? Things are different. There’s more of things happening that didn’t use to happen like arguments or talking back. You know it’s part of growing up but this doesn’t seem like the kids you know.

Where has my child gone?

This episode is all about how to be comfortable in this transition. Honor who they were, are and going to be and without losing your mind. Encouragement to establish new baselines and figure a way for more autonomy to happen.

 

Growing Nimble Families podcast encourages the celebration of school age kids traveling through middle childhood

Show Notes

00:00 Introduction +Transitioning rites of passage for parents

Where has my child gone?

6:25 Prompts to remind us of the passing of time

9:36 Affirming our children

12:10 Unconditional love and how they see love vs what we show them

12:55 Keep talking activities suitable for school age kids

14:50 We need rites of passage reminders because there are things we want to pass on to them

18:56 When we’re present we can share how to recover and be resilient

Resources: After the encouragement comes action. Rituals to help us as parents move from little kid to bigger kid to teen. Here’s what you can do colour edition || Black and White edition

WHAT TO DO NEXT:

So you’ve listened to this episode – if you liked it and want to hear other ones – and I really think you will….you should do this right now:

    

   How to listen and subscribe to this show

I’d love to hear from you about the show.

Any comments about the podcast use the Voicemail

Use the hashtag #creatingfamilyhaven

If you’ve enjoyed the show please take the time to share it with friends and leave a review for it on iTunes or Stitcher.

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As school age kids mature they bump up against a few truths.

They are not perfect or the best. There are others who are better.

They have to work harder at some things than others and it doesn’t seem fair that others find it easier.

Feelings are hurt. They question themselves. They wonder, ‘I used to be good- great- amazing. What happened?’

“I can’t do this? I’m embarrassed to ask?’

‘What do you mean I missed the deadline? It’s not that late. No one told me it was important! It’s not my fault! ‘

‘ That was humiliating! They were way better than me. I thought I was good? I’m not going again.’

‘ I’m not doing it. I don’t want to. I don’t care.’

But if families want to raise emotionally healthy kids there needs to be a careful navigation of the messages, support, guidelines kids receive so they feel confident and ready to move through the teen years and into young adulthood.

This episode we talk about the messages kids get in the first 10 years of their life that give them freedom, warmth, nurture, unconditional love and if this is all they receive they might just become entitled teens and adults with unrealistic expectations with negative self-talk or lack motivation.

However, there are an awesome set of second messages that kids really need to know that give them wings to fly, confidence to get up again, the courage to thrive and seek out solutions. I’m excited about sharing this episode as it’s a mindset shift and super easy to do.

This growing up thing is tricky to navigate for parents and kids. Let’s do this together!

Growing Nimble Families podcast encourages the celebration of school age kids traveling through middle childhood

Show Notes

00:00 Introduction to raising emotionally healthy kids

03:55 Beginning to see things differently

05:29 See things from their perspective

06:34 Transition from this seems easy to some. Some of this is really hard and I can’t do it! What do I do?

07:11 Dr Tim Elmore childhood and adolescent messages

12:42  Making those decisions isn’t as easy they think

15:37 Talking about thinking ahead and putting off instant gratification

16:53  The special lessons that they learn through these second messages including how to help.

23:10 Practical ways to put the second messages into action

Resources for Awesome Emotionally Healthy Kids:

Contributions

Where do I start teaching our laundry system to the kids?

4 words that will change your contributions and chores forever

Contributions are better than Chores

Redistribution of contributions

Three things we don’t rotate in our parenting but maybe we should

Why the chores in your family are not working and some solutions

Grit

TED talks for parents – Grit

When they make mistakes and fail-practical ways to help parents and children learn how to navigate this undertalked about topic during childhood

 

This episode we are looking for the good in the stage we are in.

We love to look back and remember fondly especially when times are tough in our current stage. If you’ve ever been stuck looking back and worrying about the future this is the episode for you to see how to move positively forward with your school age kid.

Rituals help us move along and enjoy the stage we are at. Being positive with the things we are doing and going to be doing helps us see our kids struggles and keeps us on track. We get them ready and we get ourselves ready for it.  Rituals help us with the transitions as parents move from little kid to bigger kid to teen.

Growing Nimble Families podcast encourages the celebration of school age kids traveling through middle childhood

Show Notes

00:00 Introduction

03:58  Positive ways of separating from our child and attaching in more mature ways

19:50 New framework for seeing their kid, child, tween, teen and young adult

Resources: 7 habits of Highly Effective Teens positive way to talk about the future, planning, goal setting.

Straight talk for kids  Peer to peer conversations for the kids on motivation, involvement, frustrations, how to get better results with your parents, homework and relationships like positive ways to deal with brother/sisters. It’s another voice that says the same types of things you’ve likely been saying.

Pass It On: Building a Legacy of Faith for Your Children through Practical and Memorable Experiences Each grade level is covered with a special experience and passing of time activity. It’s a chance to celebrate positively the passing of time that honours the journey of childhood for the kids and us.

Painless study techniques short chapters and good for elementary and lower middle/secondary children especially if you can read it together. 

The organized student Reading this book before your child transitions to that new school is a good reminder of different ways to organize sheets, work, homework, binders, backpacks and lockers for school.

Not all the ideas work for your child but when they have struggles you’ve got some new ideas to try. This is great especially when your child has different organizational strategies than you!

WHAT TO DO NEXT:

So you’ve listened to this episode – if you liked it and want to hear other ones – and I really think you will….you should do this right now:

    

   How to listen and subscribe to this show

I’d love to hear from you about the show.

Any comments about the podcast use the Voicemail

Use the hashtag #creatingfamilyhaven

If you’ve enjoyed the show please take the time to share it with friends and leave a review for it on iTunes or Stitcher.

 

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Did you know there are six scientifically better ways to study and prepare for tests and quizzes that will help kids learn?

As kids are starting back to school many are experiencing those words, ” Study for the test on Friday!” and coming home and reading through their work the night before ( morning of!) believing that this is a good way of studying. It’s generally the only study method they know at the beginning.

Parent’s edition of study skills at home

This is a Parent’s edition of how to study to support the studying and revising that happens at home.

We all get used to ways of studying and working that suit us. Our children may learn differently to us. Whether they are entering 3rd grade and beginning to have spelling tests and short quizzes and are looking to start out the study habit right or you are looking for some different solutions to a frustrated situation this episode has something for you.

We go through how to have good learning habits that avoid cramming ( as the only strategy- listen to find out why that’s not such a good idea!)

In this episode, Cindy Wooldridge from the Learning Scientists.org talks about the 6 learning strategies that work for school age kids to use to study better. This is a special parents edition. You may be thinking, Schools teach study skills so I don’t need to worry.  Maybe you don’t but children need the time to get comfortable with new skills.

They need time to practice.

They need time to master.

Mastery takes time and the school age years give ample time to gradually learn these skills before they plunge into multiple tests and prep.

 

Growing Nimble Families podcast encourages the celebration of school age kids traveling through middle childhood

Show Notes

* Encouragement for parents who are worried about how to help students learn/ study and start good habits

* What’s the best way to help our kids when they come home with those notes in the planner that says, “Study for the test on Tuesday”?

Resources: Spaced practice

* What would you teach first for learning strategies

Retrieval practice- “Having the problems and coming up with the answer for them or seeing the terms and coming up with the definitions themselves and then going back and checking their work.”

Resources: Retrieval practices that work

Spaced practice- “spacing out the study over time”

* Why did you choose these 6 strategies?

* What are the other 4 other study techniques and examples I could try?

* Elaborate- “constantly asking why and how do you find out about this.”

* Interleaving- “switching things up instead of always studying in the same order change/ or different subjects.”

* Concrete examples- “coming up with real world examples for the material”

* Dual Coding- “idea we tend to learn things better when we have a picture associated with it.”

* In one ear and out the other why cramming isn’t’ the answer over time if you want to retain and reuse the information

Do any of these work better with elementary students?

The case for letting kids find their best way to study and how we can guide them without taking over

Supporting school age kids to navigate the school systems to know grades, contact teachers, find information on the teacher’s webpage and learn how to make study timetables etc.

The hidden shame of studying and study skills

 

School age kids have a lot of big feelings. Dr Carla Naumburg from  Carla Naumburg shares mindfulness practices families can do that help develop skills of listening, paying attention and empathy. Mindfulness sets the stage for dealing with stress and managing big feelings.

 

Growing Nimble Families podcast encourages the celebration of school age kids traveling through middle childhood

* Why is mindfulness such a big deal to learn for our kids?

*  Ever wondered what mindfulness is not

* Teaching about big feelings is hard. We’re all in it together and learning how to do this

* What’s a mindful practice that you’ve seen work really powerfully in your family or in a family you’ve worked with?

*  5 finger breathing

* Any feeling is okay but not every behaviour

* The single biggest trick in meltdowns that will change everything is changing how we stay calm.

* Using I-messages…

resource: Emotional literacy or intelligence

* How do you incorporate mindfulness practice into a household where there are lots of moving parts?

* Have you seen any examples of mindfulness practices in schools that parents might want to share in their local schools?

 

Books: Dr Carla Naumburg, author of Ready, Set, Breathe: Practising Mindfulness with Your Children for Fewer Meltdowns and a More Peaceful Family (New Harbinger, 2015)

Parenting in the Present Moment: How to Stay Focused on What Really Matters

 

 

WHAT TO DO NEXT:

So you’ve listened to this episode – if you liked it and want to hear other ones – and I really think you will….you should do this right now:

    

   How to listen and subscribe to this show

I’d love to hear from you about the show.

Any comments about the podcast use the Voicemail

Use the hashtag #creatingfamilyhaven

If you’ve enjoyed the show please take the time to share it with friends and leave a review for it on iTunes or Stitcher.

 

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