Are You Picking It Up or Making It Up? How Assumptions Are Silently Destroying Your Relationship

You think you know what your partner meant by that tone. You think you know why they’re quiet. But what if you’re not picking it up, you’re making it up? In this episode, Lilly shares a concept that stops assumption-based communication in its tracks.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

* The difference between picking something up and making something up

* Why assumptions kill communication in relationships

* How thinking you know what your partner thinks makes you stop asking questions

* Why your brain creates stories that may have no basis in reality

* The one antidote to assumption-based thinking in relationships

* How to trust your instincts AND still get clarity from your partner

* Why curiosity is the most underrated communication skill in a relationship

The Takeaway Practice: Next time you catch yourself inferring meaning from your partner’s tone, words, or behavior, pause and ask:

“Am I picking this up or am I making it up?”

Then get curious. Ask the question. Operate from clarity, not assumption.

Work with Lilly: Ready to break the assumption cycle in your relationship? Book a free consult or email [email protected]

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.growthovereasy.com

The Right Thing vs. The Real Thing: Why Agreeing Is Slowly Killing Your Relationship

Are you keeping the peace, or quietly losing yourself? In this episode, Lilly breaks down one of the most common and most overlooked patterns she sees in couples: saying the right thing instead of the real thing. It feels like a solution. It’s actually a slow leak.

If you’ve ever found yourself saying “it’s fine, do whatever you want” when it’s absolutely not fine, this episode is for you.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

* Why agreeing with your partner can actually be the problem

* The difference between healthy compromise and being “agreeably defeated”

* How people-pleasing in relationships quietly builds resentment and contempt

* Why saying the right thing is just postponing a more expensive fight later

* How truth, delivered with love, creates safety and deeper connection

* The one question to ask yourself before you respond in a conflict

* Why your partner can’t truly love a version of you that isn’t real

The Takeaway Practice: Before you respond in a tense moment this week, pause and ask yourself:

“Am I saying this to keep the peace—or to tell the truth?”

The goal isn’t less conflict. The goal is more truth.

Work with Lilly: Ready to stop going in circles and start building real connection? Book a free consult or email Lilly directly at [email protected]

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.growthovereasy.com

In this episode, Lilly breaks down how victim mentality shows up in relationships and why it keeps couples stuck. She explains what happens when one or both people make change dependent on the other person apologizing first, changing first, or growing first, and why real change starts when you take ownership of what you actually control: you.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

* How victim mentality shows up in unhealthy relationship dynamics

* Why making your partner the problem keeps you stuck

* Why waiting for your partner to go first stunts the growth of the relationship

* Why blame keeps you powerless

* How radical responsibility gives you agency and autonomy

* Why taking ownership allows you to become part of the solution

Email Lilly:

If you’re seeing this victim pattern show up in your relationship dynamic and you want support, email Lilly.Email: [email protected]

Book a free consult: https://calendar.app.google/zsmc4BbDodcmFVh57

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.growthovereasy.com

What if ChatGPT gave you a better reminder about being human than most people do?

Episode Description:

In this episode, Lilly shares a prompt she gave ChatGPT — if you were human for a day, what would you do? — and the response became a reminder about presence, embodiment, and what actually matters. She breaks down why so many of us are missing our lives by moving too fast, thinking too far ahead, or staying stuck in our heads, and how slowing down helps us come back to connection.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

* What ChatGPT said it would do if it were human for a day

* Why direct experience matters more than abstraction

* How moving too fast pulls you out of the present moment

* Why presence creates deeper connection in your relationships

* How small moments of noticing compound over time

* Why slowing down helps your nervous system downshift into safety

* A simple practice to help you come back to the present moment

* How to use this practice before connecting with your partner, kids, or friends

Try This Practice:

Take one minute to notice:

* 5 things you can see

* 3 things you can hear

* 1 thing you can feel

Then notice what shifts in your body.

Work with Lilly:

If you’re ready for more connection, more clarity, and healthier patterns in your relationships, Lilly would love to support you. Let’s talk and see if this work is the right fit for you.

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.growthovereasy.com

In this episode, Lilly breaks down why so many of us get stuck in the woulda coulda shouldas of the past or the what ifs of the future. Using a quote from Peter Crone, she explores why the past could not have happened any other way, what regret and worry look like in the nervous system, and how to come back to the present moment using a simple orienting practice.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

* Why we get stuck trying to rewrite the past

* How past, present, and future connect to nervous system states

* Why the present moment is where peace, joy, and connection live

* What orienting is and how it helps bring you back to the here and now

* A simple practice using sight, sound, and smell to ground yourself

Book a Call with Lilly:

If you’re ready to move away from anxiety, worry, or regret and start feeling more present, grounded, and connected, book a call with Lilly to explore what nervous system work could do for you.

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.growthovereasy.com

You are not always seeing your partner as they are. A lot of the time, you’re seeing them through your wounds, your beliefs, and your fears.

In this episode, Lilly breaks down how we each live in our own simulation when it comes to relationships. She explains how your beliefs about your partner can shape your perception more than reality, how Terry Real’s concept of the core negative image shows up in conflict, and what you can start doing today to clear the lens and bring more love, respect, and gratitude back into your relationship.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

* What it means to live in your own simulation in a relationship

* How belief shapes perception more than reality

* What Terry Real means by a core negative image

* How past wounds can cloud the way you see your partner

* Why feedback or simple requests can feel much bigger than they are

* How childhood experiences can shape the way you receive your partner

* Why slowing conflict down helps you see what’s actually happening

* A simple practice to start shifting the lens in your relationship

* How appreciation and gratitude can help seed more safety and connection

Book a Call with Lilly:

If you’re ready to clear the lens and stop living in the same painful relationship patterns, book a call with Lilly and see if deeper somatic and belief work could support you.

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.growthovereasy.com

In this episode, Lilly breaks down what urgency really is, what’s happening in the nervous system when everything feels like it has to be dealt with right now, and what to do instead. She explains the difference between passion and urgency, why urgency lives in activation, and gives you simple body-based tools to help you slow down and come back into your window of tolerance.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

* What urgency actually is in the nervous system

* Why urgency often shows up as fight or flight activation

* How unbridled self-expression is often driven by urgency

* The difference between passion and urgency

* Why urgency creates pressure to get everything out at once

* Why acting fast can create bigger ruptures in your relationship

* What it means to work with urgency instead of acting from it

* A tool for urgency that feels like flight

* A tool for urgency that feels like fight

* Why expanding your nervous system capacity is the long-term solution

Get the 3T Weekly Email:

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Book a Call with Lilly:

If you’re interested in what deeper nervous system work could look like, book a call with Lilly and let’s talk about what that work could do for you.Book Your Call

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.growthovereasy.com

In this episode, Lilly breaks down how to be strategic in your relationship—especially when it comes to disagreements and conflict. She walks through three things that will change the way you approach every hard conversation: knowing your core values, checking your energy, and being human.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

* Why getting clear on your desired outcome changes everything in conflict

* How ego-based short-term goals (getting even, making them hurt) sabotage long-term love

* How to reverse engineer your goal—whether that’s more connection, better intimacy, or more fun

* Why knowing your core values gives you a filtration system for every conversation

* How to check your energy before you go into a hard conversation

* Why words rooted in fear repel and words rooted in love are received

* How to identify the fear underneath your anger and voice it through love

* Why using ChatGPT to communicate with your partner is a problem

* Why paragraph text messages are wrecking your relationship

* How to show up as a human—even at the risk of being messy

Free Download:

Explode Shutdown Cycle Field Guide for Leaders: If you get home after work and find yourself exploding at the smallest things, then shutting down and withdrawing, this guide is for you.

https://lillyrachels.myflodesk.com/fieldguide

www.lillyrachels.com

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.growthovereasy.com

In this episode, Lilly breaks down why treating the symptoms of your relationship problems will never fix what’s actually going on, and what to do instead.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

* Why where you feel the pain in your relationship is not where it originated

* The difference between treating symptoms and treating the root cause

* How unprocessed experiences become rocks in your backpack

* Why recurring fights with your wife are rarely about your wife

* How early childhood wounds and old patterns show up in your current relationship

* Why throwing away the relationship won’t fix the problem

* What root cause relationship work actually looks like

Book a Call with Lilly: If you’re ready to unload the rocks from your backpack, book a call with Lilly and see if she can help you treat where the pain actually originated.

Get the 3T Weekly Email: Sign up for Lilly’s weekly email: a truth, a thought, and a tactic delivered to your inbox every week.

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.growthovereasy.com

In this episode, Lilly breaks down why your feedback feels like criticism to your partner—even when you’re genuinely trying to help—and what you can do to shift that.

She explains the two reasons feedback lands like criticism: your conduct (the energy behind your words) and the absence of emotional safety in the relationship. She’ll walk you through the fear vs. love framework, redefine what “safety” actually means in a relationship, and give you a simple grounding tool to use before you walk through the door at the end of the workday.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

* Why your partner reacts to feedback like it’s criticism, even when you’re genuinely trying to help

* The two reasons feedback lands like criticism: conduct and absence of safety

* Why conduct (the energy behind your words) matters just as much as content (what you’re saying)

* The fear vs. love framework: words rooted in fear are repelled, words rooted in love are received

* What emotional safety actually means (and why it’s not just physical safety)

* How to tell if emotional safety is present in your relationship (the intimacy temperature check)

* Why feedback can’t land in a chronically activated relationship

* How to become the tuning fork for your family (vagal authority in your home)

* A simple grounding tool to use before you walk through the door at the end of the workday

Free Download:

Explode Shutdown Cycle Field Guide for LeadersIf you get home after work and find yourself exploding at the smallest things, then shutting down and withdrawing, this guide is for you.

Work with Lilly:

If you’re someone who explodes and then withdraws and shuts down, or you notice a lot of tension and turmoil in your home, reach out to Lilly. She’ll walk you through what nervous system work could do for your relationship.Email: [email protected]

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.growthovereasy.com