There's a lot of bugs in the grass here. So I feel kinda like, grumpy about that for some reason. And yeah, I think I heard someone calling me but I was in my dark room, and I just didn't get up. So I feel like that's partly because I didn't know what time it was. And then I looked at the time and it was late and I missed out so I kind of feel bad, feel maybe mad at myself. Because I know I have a bit of a wall up. in general. It's sort of like, walling off that energy as to not share it with anyone because they don't want it from what I've seen in previous waves of that energy. So I feel kind of disconnected and even more forgetful about people. And I still feel kind of like, I'm just not going to come back. And so maybe part of putting up that wall is just preparing myself for that perspective of, I don't know, if I'm coming back then I had a little bit of suicidal thinking. And it's like, no, don't think that way, just think I'm leaving. And I'm not coming back here doesn't mean like death would be the same thing leaving and not coming back. But so is going on a trip and then going with the flow after that. So just feel a little bit weird, I don't know. And there are a lot of bugs in this grass. And I signed up for for Steve pavilion as 30 day abundance deep dive was 100 bucks us and I'm just watching some of his bonus videos right now he has one on subject subjective reality, which I think is something I need to learn about.

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