An Oxford graduate who fell in love at first sight in July 1985, was diagnosed with HIV weeks later, and drifted through accidental purpose into becoming one of the UK's most respected HIV educators - now remixing old cassette tapes.

Summary

Gus Cairns was 29 in July 1985: a bright but aimless Oxford graduate drifting through London's expanding gay scene. That month, he fell in love at first sight for the first and only time. The relationship with Paul was short and explosive. Paul had had a difficult childhood, a big drink problem, and enormous self-respect. He fought AIDS like a lion by insisting on being himself, almost up to the moment of death. The timing was just wrong. Gus's diagnosis came the same year.

What followed was a journey through devastating loss, near-death, and what Gus calls an extraordinary magical resurrection - combination therapy - that transformed him into one of the UK's most respected HIV educators and activists. He worked at Gay Switchboard, joined the European AIDS Treatment Group, and has spent decades explaining the science of HIV in language people can use. Recently, he co-wrote a leaflet on doxy-PEP with a Czech colleague, designed by a Turkish man and put online by a Greek one. Community, he notes, is still out there.

At 69, Gus is letting the activist energy slowly ebb. He's going back to the life he had before HIV: remixing old cassette tapes from his days trying to be a pop star. His boredom threshold remains terrifyingly low. His advice: survival is the best revenge, but surviving revenge is also important. You deserve some peace as well.

Key Moments

• [00:02] "You can't moralise your way out of an epidemic" - the lesson from an incredible historical event that Gus wants to communicate to a later generation
• [02:06] July 1985 - falling in love at first sight for the first and only time, and a diagnosis that followed within months
• [36:25] Living with HIV in 2025 - not thinking about it much, slowly returning to pre-HIV interests, and remixing old cassette tapes
• [37:13] The power of accidental purpose - never driven by a career plan, drifting from one thing to another with a terrifyingly low boredom threshold
• [38:06] Doxy-PEP - co-writing a leaflet with a Czech colleague, designed by a Turkish man, put online by a Greek one, and the reminder that community is pan-European
• [39:31] Volunteering as a route to your tribe - Gay Switchboard as one of the best decisions of his life, and the advice to find your people through service
• [41:03] Paul - enormous self-respect, a difficult person, a lion who fought AIDS by insisting on being himself. His AIDS quilt panel would have needed to be twice as big as everyone else's, with several swearwords on it

Dedication

Gus remembers Paul, the man he fell in love with at first sight in July 1985 - difficult, traumatised, defiant, and doomed to die because the timing was just wrong. Paul's imagined AIDS quilt panel would have to invade everybody else's space, because that's what Paul was like.

About Gus Cairns

Gus Cairns is 69 and was diagnosed with HIV in 1985. He is one of the UK's most respected HIV educators and activists, and a member of the European AIDS Treatment Group. He is an Oxford graduate, a former Gay Switchboard volunteer, and a man who once tried to be a pop star. He now remixes old cassette tapes.

Resources

• European AIDS Treatment Group
• Aidsmap
• Terrence Higgins Trust
• National AIDS Trust

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