It’s the Guy Friends Podcast: Party Crashing Edition! We’ve elbowed our way into countless conversations so that we could give you advice. Listen in, or else we’ve ruined everyone’s night for nothing.

In this episode:

A Diamond-level Friend of the Podcast© saw a hot dude in her building’s hallway, and needs to get tactical. Can the Guy Friends impart their Delta Force-caliber Black Ops expertise to help her track down her target? Or would disseminating sensitive intel make them political prisoners for life? Bid farewell to your family and friends, and enter The War Room...

A listener’s something-or-other has been awfully fond of calling her his “girlfriend” recently. Her encrypted message to The War Room begs: how can she neutralize the target humanely? Though they were never fans of the Geneva Conventions — Laws are messy; Power is the only absolute — they manage to draft a plan for a swift armistice. God help us.

Janet Jackson — All For You (DJ Quik Remix) (Matt Harjo) CC BY 3.0