After the sixth successive gameweek with an average score of fewer than 50 points, it’s hard not to feel a little discouraged; but still, we must trudge on with the hope that someday in the near future, we’ll hop back over the fence to the good side of variance. Michael Carrick’s spirited Manchester United narrowly beat Arsenal, who, it must be said, have failed to take full advantage of their trailers’ recent slip-ups. Could the Red Devils’ exciting trio of Bruno, Mbeumo, and Cunha prove to be the solution to this prevailing attacker drought? Might we also look at the blue side of London, where Rosenior’s Chelsea have won five games on the bounce ahead of four bright green fixtures? With Haaland’s dip in form, captaincy seems more open than it’s been for most of this season—but are we brave enough to put our faith in Bruno, Enzo, or even Gabriel? Please also enjoy an important segment on Eli Junior Kroupi. Or is it just Junior Kroupi, as his Instagram account would suggest? Or maybe Kroupi.Jr, which is emblazoned on the back of his jersey—but doesn’t the period usually go after the “Jr”?

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