https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/rethink-your-way-the-good-life/201809/why-is-it-so-hard-set-boundaries
https://brilliantio.com/why-is-it-so-hard-to-set-boundaries/
https://www.hardinlife.com/blog/2021/10/10/top-5-reasons-we-dont-set-boundaries
12 Signs you lack boundaries
1. YOUR RELATIONSHIPS TEND TO BE DIFFICULT OR DRAMATIC.
2. YOU FIND DECISION MAKING A REAL CHALLENGE. You can end up spending so much of your life doing what others want that you lose a sense of self.
3. YOU REALLY, REALLY HATE TO LET OTHER PEOPLE DOWN. AKA people pleaser - always saying yes or going along to please others.
4. TWO WORDS – GUILT AND ANXIETY. * and depression
5. YOU ARE OFTEN TIRED FOR NO APPARENT REASON. *I think you really know the reason, you are overburdened
6. YOUR RADAR IS OFF WHEN IT COMES TO SHARING. You tend to overshare private details of your life with people you just met, leaving you open to hurt and manipulation. But then, when someone wants to be close with you, you panic.
7. YOU ARE CONSTANTLY THE VICTIM OF SITUATIONS. Perhaps you you feel overlooked or blamed at work, in your family, and in your social circles. You might even be the sort of person that things always seem to go wrong for.
8. YOU ARE A TINY BIT ANNOYED MOST OF THE TIME.
9. YOU SECRETLY FEEL THAT OTHERS DON’T SHOW YOU RESPECT.
10. YOU MIGHT JUST BE PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE. or acting like a martyr
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Also:
You feel no one listens to you.
People use you
You have lost your voice
https://psychcentral.com/blog/caregivers/2015/07/emotional-attachment-10-red-flag-signs-of-poor-boundaries#4
God Models Boundaries
Genesis 2:15-17 – The Lord God placed the man in the Garden of Eden to tend and watch over it. But the Lord God warned him, “You may freely eat the fruit of every tree in the garden – except the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. If you eat its fruit, you are sure to die.”
Psalm 8:29 when He set a limit for the sea so that the waters would not violate His command, when He laid out the foundations of the earth.
Rules about who can go past the curtain in the temple
40 years in the desert and who could enter the promised land and who couldn't
10 Commandments
Why we don't set boundaries
• Pride
• Perfectionism
• Social Conditioning
• Fear of being alone
• Fear of losing love
• Fear of being misunderstood
• Fear of not getting a raise
• Fear of Rejection
• Fear of Conflict
• Fear of Missing out
• Fear of disappointing someone
Common thread is Fear (by the way podcast is coming on Fear). "Fear of man brings a snare but who trusts in the Lord is Exalted Psalm 29:25 * What is a snare? Trap and the harder you try to get out the worse it can be.
2 Timothy 1:7 For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.
Why we should set boundaries
• Strength
• Self Esteem
• So we aren't burnt out or exhausted
• Avoid resentment
• Martyr
• Protects peace
• Preserves priorities
• Stress - affects health (blood pressure, heart disease, etc), relationships, etc.
• We make better choices before the heat of the moment
What kinds of boundaries
o Physical - protecting your bubble (hugging the non huggers), protecting your property (non lending things you would be devastated if you didn't get back), kids can hang out in certain areas and not others, etc.
o Emotional - gossips, drama, forgiveness doesn't mean you have to keep getting burned
o Mental/Intellectual - what we allow to enter our mind, what we focus on, stress, perfectionism
o Spiritual - not allowing others to impede on your faith, not protecting others right to not be offended so much that you sacrifice your own right or your faith
o Relational/Social - Media, time, lending money, how someone speaks to you, gossiping, emotional dumping, negative attitudes, time for yourself and God. You will never please everyone.
