I moved to my rainy park parking in my car my house was just too noisy and I got a phone call and so I thought well this is good timing and I should just leave I don't know how long I'll be able to last because my feet are already getting cold i think i was about to talk about this man that I met at the day yesterday and how he owns to recovery houses or to group homes he called it and I guess they're also run by the Health Authority but he works in partnership with them and he's the owner and I thought wow that's cool and he was saying how they're trying to make them less and less medicalized and more and more free so he just struck me as someone who gets it and I could imagine if I was in a place to open some kind of respite he would be a cool person to consult with because he's had some experience with providing space for people so I thought that was really cool and so I got his information and I also connected with the woman who was doing the keynote speech pretty much and it was about the recovery declaration of Canada and and so I asked her because on this new declaration that they were getting people to sign inviting people to commit to the recovery philosophy as opposed to medicalized philosophy getting people who work in the system to commit to this and the number one thing that people commit to or the first thing was learn from people with lived experience by acknowledging and valuing their experiential knowledge and engage them in all aspects of service planning delivery research and evaluation and I think that is definitely the most important thing to be on there and there's only four points on the recovery declaration but that was the first one and so I asked her I said at a break i said i love that that's there that's amazing that's definitely I completely agree but where are the examples or where are the documents and procedures and protocols and structures and systems in place for that to happen it's one thing to say that but their systems in place for four colleagues meeting up and talking about people their system in place for note taking their systems in place for medication prescribing where is the system in place to have this learn from people with live experience and their experiential knowledge and and involve them in and engage them in service planned delivery research and evaluation where are the steps for that where are the protocols where are the procedures because that's not just have one committee once a year one day get some feedback and then go about once daily business of delivering services it's actually that is such a loaded statement that would say like have peer support workers on teams and actually value them and they're experienced by paying them for their input and have their perspective all the time so I think for me right now at this point who knows how it will unfold because I talk to myself about these things from my perspective but I also understand I don't know everything that's happening out there and so that's why I wanted to ask her and she she said that they're going to be creating a guide for people who lived experience so they know what recovery philosophy is and what they have a right to ask for etc and maybe a little bit of a guide and a compass of being able to say well that's not recovery language what you're speaking to me about or whatever so she said that's in the pipeline and that's helpful to me and they did involve a lot of people with lived experience in the creating of this guide and a lot of the things that they're doing so that's part of that first statement but I think that is a huge statement and and from what I know right now it sounds like a token statement it sounds like well that's yes that's nice and since we wrote it there we can say that that's what we're doing but unless there's some kind of real process in place for receiving that feedback and that feed forward and and service delivery and planning and and it is happening in small ways and large ways in a lot of places I'm not saying it's not but I really hope that that statement gets taken more seriously in terms of value and peer support and from what I heard from someone here there's going to be changes to peer support that actually shows that people are going to be devaluing peer support and its importance in the system and I don't really know what how that's going to play out it's just something I heard so I don't know and I have been able to get give my feedback in places and things but one thing somebody mentioned was people are afraid to get feedback because they are afraid well how will they be treated after or if they're not being treated well by somebody that works to serve them well then what like so there's some fear in there too but I was going to say that this statement to me sounds like a token statement sounds very nice and lovely and also different places in the country are at different stages of adopting things like this so it's a good statement I shouldn't be negative about it but I just feel like I guess for me I feel like I have so much to say that I should that it would be nice to just have a full-time job saying what I want to say and also to though in this process of self dialogue I'm finding that some of the stuff I say then sort of appears in my reality so not saying that's caused by me saying it but by me saying it in a parallel process with what's an unfolding in reality then that's made salient to me that oh that is happening and that's good one example somebody was talking yesterday and there's this building that was built that's like this big care facility state-of-the-art really and they call the different areas of the facility neighborhoods and I talked about neighborhoods just I like the word neighborhood and that's this huge building in different areas or different neighborhoods so I thought oh wow that's neat and the woman who spoke also talked about needing the lexicon of optimistic language so maybe if I go through some of these videos that I'm doing with myself again I can create my own lexicon of trans conscious words and things that I would like to be used to describe myself because when I was part of the panel they asked what is the most what is the part that is most unhelpful and I said paternalism not listening to what a person needs like when I was in the psych ward and given a medication I didn't want and given it anyway and then it made things worse then I had to get off that medication then sort of shake it off and and get back to life but I knew it was right for me and they didn't listen but I think I could have also said pathologize ation or medicalization sure like yes there's a little medical thing or medication helps in some ways sometimes so then maybe it seems like a medical thing but it's not a medical thing overall it's something else and just because some medication dolls me out and helps doesn't mean that i have this big pathological problem so i don't like that either and i see it as something else but then i was also thinking about and i was talking to my friend about this to how this pathology this label could actually be beneficial in a way like I resist it and I talk about I don't like the label and everything I don't like implying that I don't like the implication that I'm disabled in a way because I feel more enabled just disabled in the ways of functioning and fitting into society which is a load of crap a lot of it anyway so there's a misunderstanding there but i feel like the label could be helpful in that if i decide to fully embody my mania thrive go for my dreams and i sort of fall on my face doing that then they'll bring me back to reality if I go too far into map land into mapping uncharted territory within and making that manifest in the external reality these these pathologizing people will pull me back medicate me and say oh it's your bipolar disorder and then i can smile and non say okay and then try again and that's sort of what I've been doing but the trouble is after i get out of the psych ward instead of becoming my artist self we're moving towards my light body self that most beautiful self that IM to that i've seen other people as and seeing other people shift to in front of my eyes why can't i shift to that for myself and when I shift into that I'm going to create an experience and unfold a different reality for myself then the one that I'm experiencing by dusting myself off and going back into working in the land of pathology which in a way the pathology stuff helps just to keep one tethered enough to this reality to not actually leave the reality altogether does that'll happen eventually it's no rush for that and I mentioned too that we're educating people away from themselves and then need the mental health paradigm and people to help them and this is wasting normal people's lives too like why do we create this divide and then have the divide try to heal the lower when what creates that divide in the first place I think it's partly we're not recognizing all these different lines of intelligences and allowing people to actually flour into they are we forced people to think that there's only one way to be successful and smart in this world there needs to be more acceptance of diversity of consciousness we're getting there with diversity of genders and things but what about consciousness and intelligence so me self dialoguing is about creating my own luck took on my own context unfolding my experiential knowledge and what I see my pragmatic learning and knowledge and I am getting pretty close to being ready to be more embodied and I think that's partly why I'm having a reaction to just staying at home she mentioned the word iterative and I like that word it's like I think my videos to myself are iterative I'm unfolding one thing and then the next iteration and the next iteration and when I share stuff half the stuff I say is sort of realized or come up with on the spot and they talked about how Oh people can live a full life with partial or full remission of symptoms and I'm thinking in myself I need to be in full remission from society and i don't mean actually like oh i can't go anywhere i can't interact with people i think how i am if I'm not attached to society then I'm not in society and it doesn't matter if I'm actually physically out and about in society or not it's more the inner orientation and and she even mentioned kindness empathy and human interaction and her position is knowledge broker thought that was kind of interesting and they mentioned knowledge translation to and I think myself dialogue to myself as a form of knowledge translation I'm translating what I feel on the inside two words and videos and the panel on the panel she was even asked about involuntary treatment and she she brought up advanced directive she said we encourage people to do advanced directives and I've seen myself why don't all clinicians help people with advanced directives to keep them feeling safe and makes it easier on everyone and so I of course said I created an advance directive action after my paternalistic hospital experience and I said so then I feel safe calling for help if I need it

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