Marriage and family therapist, Brian Burns is back! In today’s episode, we talk about handling the stress of the holidays on top of a divorce. The holidays are quickly approaching and for many, this will be the first year celebrating the holidays after a divorce. It is possible to enjoy celebrating the holidays after a divorce. Tune in as Brian shares his top tips to make the holidays less stressful through divorce like: how to honor existing traditions, creating new traditions, spending quality time together as a family, and choosing whether to co-parent or split-parent this holiday season.

In this episode:

[2:00] The reality of divorce during the holidays. [4:00] Why it’s important to not make your issues your kid’s issues. [5:15] The value in celebrating the holidays together as a family. [7:00] Being grateful through all of the change. [9:00] Taking care of yourself so that you can focus on your children. [10:30] To co-parent or to split-parent during the holidays? [15:30] Creating new traditions for your children as a single parent.

Key Takeaways:

It’s important that you not make your issues your kid’s issues, especially around the holidays. Kids do so much better when they are free to be happy and excited and the family is together. Children always have the fantasy of their parents getting back together. Celebrating the holidays together can reinforce the idea that “we are still a family and we can still like each other.” Divorce is hard. It’s so important to take care of yourself so that you can care for your children from a healthy mindset. Seek support from a therapist or family coach to best move forward through divorce.

Quotes:

“If you are going through the trauma of a divorce, on top of holidays, that’s hard. I’m just acknowledging that. So give yourself some grace, forgive yourself for how hard that is.” Brian Burns

“Keep in the front of your mind that your kids are watching you, and they are learning how to be human. They are learning how to be in relationships, how to be in a family. We want them to learn how to navigate family, whatever family is because you can’t always choose and predict.” Brian Burns

Guest Bio:

I’m Brian Burns and I have been practicing as a licensed family therapist since January 1999. I specialize in helping adults in the midst of relationship crisis restore trust, intimacy, and communication. Whenever possible, I prefer to help couples save and strengthen their marriages or committed relationships. However, not all relationships can (or should) stay together. In these cases, I help the couple end the relationship in a way that is healthy for everyone, especially when there are children involved.

I am also a certified mediator, parenting coach, and Rule-29 Neutral in the State of MN. This means I have the skills and experience necessary to help parents who are divorced to make agreements about parenting in a collaborative and child-centered manner. I believe that even though conflict and fear can bring out the worst in people, everyone has the capacity to be a better version of themselves, and that our children need us to give it all we have to be our best.

Resources:

Brian Burns Website

Lesa Koski Website

Lesa’s Online Courses

Mentioned in this episode:

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