It's April, all. And I know you depend on us, annually, to deliver only the best winter holiday songs about marijuana. Well, good news: we have not let you down. So grab some cookies, sit back, relax, and partake with us in "Cookie Doe" by Sly Til I Die featuring Woe and "Smoked Out Santa" by Big Freedia.

The ranking music in this episode is "Make It Jingle" by Big Freedia.

Just in time for Easter, we're covering two Christmas songs that are, uh, maybe kind of appropriate? The first song is about death, but also kind of about everlasting life: "I'm Spending Christmas with Jesus This Year" by Brenda Ontko Boulton. The second song is about... well, birth on one level, and condoms on a much more literal level. It's "Condoms for Christmas" by Milo Bobbins and the Budget Boys.

The ranking music in this episode "Christmas Song" by the Dave Matthews Band, which is famously, an Easter song.

Thank you to CJ for requesting both songs featured in this episode!

As the vernal equinox approaches in our hemisphere, we are saying goodbye to winter with two snow-themed songs! First, by listener request, we hear "50 Words for Snow" by Kate Bush -- a real arthouse-film of a song, complete with a beloved celebrity there to impart gravitas. We pair it with "Snobows" by Stan Beard and the Swinging Strings, which we are disappointed to report is NOT about the elbows of snowpeople.

The ranking music in this episode is "December Will Be Magic Again" by Kate Bush.

Thank you to merikus for the request!

Inspired by the approaching time change, we spring forward into two songs about winter sunlight and, specifically, Seasonal Affective Disorder. We expect a spooky twist from Lemon Demon's "SAD", but it mostly does what's written on the tin. There's also a literal story of SAD in Sunturns' "First Winter", but with layers of meaning and metaphor that give it the vibrancy of a sunrise.

The ranking music in this episode is "Aurora Borealis" by Lemon Demon.

Fun fact: we recorded this exactly one day before British Columbia announced that it's adopting permanent Daylight Savings Time, so we got to this theme just in time!!!

ERROR: WE RECORDED AFTER 8PM

CAUTION: Only listen to year-round holiday podcasts from people you trust. Ian and Jam listened to two versions of a song called "S.A.N.T.A. Dot Com". Do you wish to proceed?

DETAILS: The ranking music in this episode is "I'm Gonna E-Mail Santa" by Billy Gilman.

It's almost Family Day here in British Columbia, and to celebrate, we've got a tenuously connected episode theme! By request, we listen to "Christmas Must Be Tonight" as performed by SCALA and Kolacny Brothers, a song about the son of a carpenter. Then we pair it with "Let's Make a Baby King" by Wynnona Judd, a song about that same guy and also his mom and also his cousin, and also maybe the concept of an infant-based form of government.

The ranking music in this episode is "Nothing But a Child" by Steve Earle.

Thank you to Liam for requesting this version of "Christmas Must Be Tonight"!

Of course we wouldn't let January pass us by without celebrating our second-most-cursed annual tradition, Grinch Rap Granuary! But, unfortunately, this is the last one. For real this time. We're scraping the bottom of the Grinch Rap barrel with "Like The Grinch" by Gucci Mane, so hopefully "You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch" by Pentatonix will be the stake in the heart that this thing requires. RIP Grinch Rap Granuary!

The ranking music in this episode is "Grinch 2000" by Busta Rhymes featuring Jim Carrey.

As the twelve days of Christmas come to a close once again, we're celebrating Epiphany with two songs about three men. By listener request, we check out "We Three Slow Kings" by Electric Santa, a song that may or may not be a joke, and "If I Were a Wise Man" by Flannel Graph, an undoubtedly sincere song with a familiar Sufjan-esque flavor.

The ranking music in this episode is "Pocketful of Sunshine" by Natasha Bedingfield, which is the song Ian couldn't remember the name of.

Thank you to Matt for these requests!

In this milestone episode, Jam and Ian add the 799th (???) and 800th (!!!) songs to HARK's massive, unruly list. Jam aims for the top of the list with a near-classic and the hosts talk about Jesus for a while, with just a liiiittle heresy (as a treat). Then Ian uses his bottom pick to launch an exploratory mission into a new kind of bad song and raise some philosophical questions about the future of novelty Christmas music in an age of machine-generated vocals.

The ranking music in this episode is "Jesus Christ" by Big Star.

Hanukkah is fast approaching! And to celebrate, we have two songs... well, OK. We have one song about Hanukkah, and one song about Not Christmas. "Chanukah in West Virginia" by Scott Simons wraps a somewhat sad sentiment in a cheerful package (for better or worse), while "Chinese Food on Christmas" by Brandon Walker is a thoroughly silly celebration of not celebrating.

The ranking music in this episode is "No War on Xmas", also by Scott Simons!