Here is another recording I did from a couple of years ago.  I remember that early morning very clearly. I had just done my quiet time with God and was reflecting while my family slept. I am very emotional as I talk in this recording. None of it was prepared or thought out. It was straight form what my heart was feeling at the time. Raw

As I listened to this recording today, my heart felt heavy yet thankful! Thankful I am no longer that person sitting there crying and reflecting on what has wounded me.  I am now a year out of my narcissistic marriage and my heart and spirit heal more everyday. I am actually thankful for the things I have been through.  Thankful for the things God has carried me through.  All for a greater purpose, a purpose to be able to help others and to understand their hurts, wounds and fears as well as healing. 

It makes me uncomfortable to think of myself as a victim.  As I listened to this recording I felt like the woman speaking(me) was a victim.  What I do love is that I was becoming aware of what was holding me back. 

My view on forgiveness still, is that it is important to do so.  My forgiveness came with boundaries to protect me.  I cut my adoptive father out of my life to protect myself and my children. I divorced my narcissistic ex-husband because he was abusing me and was very toxic for my well being. Do I still struggle with hating them? Yes, of course! I really don't put a lot of time or emotion into it any longer because I have let it go.  I am not their victim any longer.  I am stronger. I am healthier mentally, emotionally, spiritually.  I have set an example for my children that they do  not have to tolerate inappropriate behaviors from others, no matter who the other is.

Forgiveness is for you and only you.  We are human, we will hate. We just can't let that hate consume us. We must forgive the person and hate the actions.  It means letting go but not forgetting.  We don't want to forget the pain or the feeling of hate. It's what protects us from allowing such behaviors again.  I have found such peace in forgiving, not forgetting and cutting out the unhealthy person in my life.  I hope in your journey of healing you will find the tools and strength to do the same!