The most played episodes among Podcast App listeners.

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   Number 1: My 2-year-old is hitting me and screaming at the top of their lungs. What can I do? — Ask Dr. Leman 188 (Episode 403)

   It’s time for another Ask Dr. Leman: “My 2-year-old is hitting me and screaming at the top of their lungs. What can I do?” Listen in to find out Dr. Leman’s response on this episode of Have a New Kid by Friday Podcast. Show Sponsored by Revell, a division of Baker Publishing Produced by Unmutable

   February 01, 2022·25min
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   Number 2: What a Mom Must Know to Raise Her Son (Episode 298)

   From representing womanhood to leaving unique indelible imprints, a mother’s role in parenting her son is vital. Learn more about Dr. Leman’s insight into the relationship between mother and son in today’s episode. **Special Offer– Feb 1 – 29: What a Difference a Mom Makes ebook for $2.99 at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, or wherever you get your ebooks** Show Sponsored by Revell, a division of Baker Publishing Produced by Unmutable Transcript Doug: If you were to ask me, I would say the only reason I am where I am today is because of my mom and what she poured into me. Moms make an incredible impact in their sons’ lives. But how? In what ways? Good, bad, indifferent. That’s what we get to ask dr Leman today. Hi, I’m Doug Terpening. Andrea: And I’m Andrea. Doug: And we are so really, really, really glad that you’re with us today. If this happens to be your first time, I want to let you know that this is for your education and entertainment purposes only. If the subject matter raise any concerns for you or child, please go seek a local professional for help. Well, during my crazy college days that were not good. They were really bad. I kept going down, down, down, down. It was my mom and her unbelievable, unique, mother-only way that helped pull me back into healthy, good spots because of what she had poured into me when I was a younger kid. So Dr. Leman, the question today is, I’m a mom and I’m wondering, “Well, it’s a boy. I’m a mom. What impact do I really have in his life? What do I need to know? What do I not need to know? Shouldn’t his dad do that?” Help us. What does a mother need to know to impact her boys? Dr. Leman: Well, it’s such a good topic and a profound one. And I’m so glad that you used the term, “Poured into me.” I want everybody to envision making a cake, okay? Even you men who are listening, okay. Think about making a cake. And what every mom needs to understand is that she has a tremendous impact. I call it the indelible imprint on her son’s life, and so think of making that cake and use the term that Mr. Terpening just used, and that is pour into. And what every young man needs is to have a mom who will pour a great deal of, are you ready for the word? Femininity into that young man’s life. Dr. Leman: Now, those of you who are veterans of our podcast have heard Doug very bravely and openly say, “I wasn’t exactly the greatest person in the world. I was very authoritarian.” And he’s done a lot of changing, but I think Doug would be the first one, and Andrea would be the person to second the motion, that if you scrape away some of that exterior that Doug Terpening had in his life, even back to those wilder college years, if you scrape away and really look at your heart, that’s Doug’s heart, you would find a softness that Andrea Terpening appreciates today. And their kids, both male and female, have profitted from the tenderness and the softness that appears in Doug Terpening’s life. Yes, it took him a while to get there, but the point is that moms pour into their sons all kinds of things, and I don’t think they’re always even conscious of what they pour into those young men, but the point is that women, you make a huge difference in your son’s life, and a husband’s. Dads, you make a huge difference in your daughter’s life. Andrea: So you say the first thing that a mom pours into their sons is femininity. Dr. Leman: Yeah, he needs a good dose of femininity. He gets masculinity, okay? He’s born with such things as testosterone, but you get my drift. You get my point that women have to realize, “Well, I’m just his mom.” What do you mean just his mom? You’re it. You represent all of womanhood to this young man. You set the basic foundation in that young man that he’s going to end up respecting women. So how huge is that today in a woman’s mind that she feels respected by the men in her life? So you’re really laying the cement, the foundation ladies, is what I’m saying. Doug: Are there some specific things that a mom should be consciously pouring into her son? Such as … I can’t think of anything. What are some things? Ability to listen? Dr. Leman: Well, kindness, thoughtfulness, gentleness. Boys, if you ever watch kids play, just watch, name an age. I don’t care if they’re three or eight or thirteen, watch them play. Do they play differently than girls? Doug: Yes, definitely. Dr. Leman: Yeah. Very much so. And so you don’t have to teach your boy to be rough and tumble, or in most cases to be competitive. Now I can hear people say, “I have the most non competitive son.” Hey listen, there’s always exceptions to anything we talk about here on the podcast. We’re using a wide brush here to describe the differences in young men and young women. There are many, many differences. I think one of the things that women, I look up my life, my mom had a calmness about her. Now, you talk about wild, I got thrown out of cub scouts. I got sent home from fourth grade. I got suspended from high school. I got thrown out of college. I mean I got thrown out of … I got thrown out of adult Bible study. That was just within the past two years. Dr. Leman: So I’ve been there, but my mother, I’ll never forget. I’m 19 years old, okay? I’m a janitor. I’m making $195 a month and I come home and I announce at the dinner table, “I’m engaged, I’m engaged.” You know what my mother said? She said, “Oh, that’s nice honey. Pass the potatoes, would you? That’s nice honey,” is what she said. I went and put a $20 bill down on a $200 diamond. If I would have ever married that chick, it would have been disastrous. If my mother would have gone into a tizzy and reminded me that I was a janitor making $195 a month. And, “How could you even think of such a stupid thing?” Maybe my rebellious nature would have pushed me into a premature marriage with that woman, which I’m telling you would be disastrous. Dr. Leman: But she had that ability just to understand. She was the one that went to all those meetings at school with my teachers. The teachers all told her the same thing, that I was a little screwball and someday if I ever applied myself, I might be able to do something with my life. She tucked all that information, but she was not someone who overreacted. And there’s a lot of reactionary people in this world, but my mom had a calmness about her, a perspective. She was a good teacher and she loved her baby son. Trust me. I mean, you’ve heard me tell the story, I would say things about what I did in my life and my mom would come back and say, “Oh, you were such a good boy.” Yeah right. But that’s a mother’s love for her son. So there’s so many things that a mom gives to a son. Gives her, and again, the son is watching how mom treats dad, and maybe more importantly, how dad treats mom. So it’s a daily thing. Doug: So Dr. Leman, one of the things you’ve said that when you said it, I didn’t believe it, but now that I’ve watched it play out in the Terpening household, I do know it’s true. You say that the most important relationship in a child’s life is boy to mom, or son to mom, and girl to dad. Why is boy to mom or son to mom the most important relationship? Dr. Leman: It’s almost hard to answer that question other than to say it’s the way it is. It’s like asking the question, “Why is a rock hard?” It’s just if …Talk to any family. And today we’re a two car family for most of us in America, and lots of times we go different directions. We meet someplace for a quick dinner. I mean, it’s a hectic, hectic lifestyle we live in. But here’s my question. You have a boy and a girl and you’re in that situation. Who rides home with dad? Who rides home with mom? Why when the NFL player has just made a great play, why does he look in the camera and say, “Hi, mom.” Why doesn’t he say, “Hi dad?” I mean, it’s almost like it’s in the DNA. What did Jesus say on the cross? He said, “Hey, take care of your mother.” I mean, I’m just telling you it’s the way it is. You don’t need a mathematical theorem here to figure this out. Andrea: Are there some practical things that us moms should know, other than yes, we pour femininity, gentleness, kindness, these things into our sons? Are there some practical steps or things that we should know as we mother our sons? Dr. Leman: Yeah. Absolutely. Number one, it’s going to sound like it’s the opposite of what I’m telling you is don’t put a skirt on him. He’s not your daughter, he’s your son. So what do boys do that girls usually don’t do? Do boys spit. We could take a little mini quiz right now. Again, are all boys the same or all girls the same? No. Are there girls that spit? There are. I think as a woman, you have to understand this is a little boy. It’s what little boys do. I mean, little boys are immature next to your daughter. You got a 12 year old daughter and a 12 year old son, or if you want to be different, 13 and 12 okay? They’re not twins. But how different inherently is that young woman from that young man? Dr. Leman: And so I think for a woman, she has to keep in mind, “Hey, this is a guy, this is a boy. This is part of what a boy does.” He’s showing his bravado. And yes, we make fools of ourselves. Think of what the girls said to us, Doug, in seventh and eighth grade. They said, “Why don’t you grow up?” And we would say with our squeaky voices, “We’re trying to.” So I don’t think this is a topic where you say, “Okay, give me three things that you do as a mom.” It’s not three, it’s 300. It’s 3000. It’s an ongoing process where you, as a young mom, get to appreciate the specialness of this young man in your life. Doug: Great. Well, when we come back, Andrea, I’m going to ask you how you think about you as a mom to your boys. Like how you think about that relationship. Like do you really have full access to your boys or is it really sort of dad’s job to do things? But I’m going to forget this, so I’m going to do it now. And I want to talk about the ebook special that right now is on, and it is about moms. So What A Difference A Mom Makes for $2.99 from February 1st to February 29th of 2020. What A Difference A Mom Makes for 299, and I thought that the latest … We just flipped on to Amazon. I thought, “I wonder what anybody really says about these books.” And the very first one that just came out, I thought it was really great. Andrea: This was from November. Jennifer wrote, she gave it a five star review on Amazon and it says, “I needed a refreshing as a mom. My teen son and his younger brother really wear me down. I know I need to change. Fresh perspective. This was just that. What it means to be mama bear to my boys, what they need and what matters most for them and for me. I feel like I have a new plan, a better way to begin again. I love his candor as he writes and shares testimonies, the clear and gentle truth. What we do matters, press on.” Doug: So what I love about Dr. Leman’s books, and I say it all the time, is exactly what Jennifer just said. He gives you a plan and he makes it clear, candor, and funny. So like if you want, if you’re a mama and you’re wondering like, “How do I engage my son?” And you want to have clarity with a plan, get What A Difference A Mom Makes for $2.99 February 1 through 29. Super easy to read and you’ll enjoy it a ton. Okay, Andrea, so back to you. Andrea: Yes. Doug: Do you think you have full access to your sons in all areas to pour into them or talk to them or engage them? Or do you think dad’s supposed to do it? Andrea: I think that naturally, and before I’d heard any of this from Dr. Leman, I felt like there were a lot of areas that were your territory and that I could be the soft one. I could come and sit down on the couch next to them and snuggle up and maybe ask them how they were doing. But I didn’t realize that there were some areas it was important for me to actually speak into their lives. I kind of felt like once they became teenagers that maybe it was kind of, they were more on the man’s side and I maybe was less important in their lives and I was, mom, make dinner, help them with their school, take care of some of the details in their lives, but not the, like you said, access into their lives. Probably not knowing how, and I still don’t really feel like I know how to delve into their heart. Doug: Dr. Leman, what would you say to the moms that feel like Andrea described? Dr. Leman: Well, I would just add to that that a mom is so smart to go to her son and say, “Honey, I need your help with something.” Let that boy learn to help the key female figure in his life, namely his mom. It’s interesting, thinking back on our youngest daughter, Lauren, who today is writing screenplays and she’s writing for television and she’s a toy designer. She’s only 27 years old. She’s got three things she’s made that are in the Disney Worlds in Japan and Florida and in California. So I’m just saying this is a pretty high-functioning kid. But when she was little, my wife would always draw little drawings on her lunch bag. Just drawn with a thick magic marker. Different colors, different days. Dr. Leman: And when she was about 12, I think Mrs. Uppington decided, “Well, she’s probably a little too old to have drawings on her lunch.” And so they stopped. It was like a few days later when Lauren came to mama bear and said, “Mom, how come you don’t put little drawings on my lunch bags anymore?” And what happened was, yeah, Lauren stopped getting them. But her friends, her friends who loved mama bear’s drawings said, “Lauren, how come you don’t have drawings anymore?” And Lauren, I’m telling you, she was getting drawings on our lunch bags, I think through high school. Dr. Leman: And so I think what we failed to understand is the little things we do every day, that’s why I say there’s not just three things a mom does. It’s a continuing journey as you learn more about yourself as a mom and how much you need your kids in your life. And how much your kids need you in their life in little ways and big ways. But the things that you talked about, snuggling up, and talking to, and tucking in. And those are things that women are so naturally good at. Men by their nature are not great cuddlers, we’re not great communicators. We’re sort of arm’s length. Dr. Leman: But when we enter our daughter’s life, wow. And men have to understand that their words are taken very seriously by their daughters, because most daughters want to please their daddies. Most sons want to please their mommies. Back to what I suggested earlier about helping, having your sons help you, Andrea, let him help you, because he actually wants to please you. And that’s one of the ways, ask any man what he gets psychological jollies from in his family, and he’ll tell you providership. There’s a very healthy thing in a man’s life when he provides for his family. Watch what happens to a man when his wife is still gainfully employed and he loses his job. He loses a sense of value of who he is because we identify so much in the world of work, where women as competent or more competent than their male counterpart, they don’t get their main identification from their work. They get it from the relationships they have. Doug: To that point, Thanksgiving was a couple of months ago here, but at the time of this release, but Andrea, our son went and said, “Hey, I want to try and make a pecan pie.” And Andrea stepped back and just supported him in making that pie, because he was helping out with making all the desserts for Thanksgiving. He volunteered it. And Andrea did an amazing job of like supporting him. He screwed up on it and she just, she didn’t jump in and change it. She just said, “Oh, what about if we try this?” And you should have seen him like puff his chest out when that pecan pie came out and everybody ate it. Andrea: It was really good too. Doug: Yeah, but to your point about … But your point about he was trying to please mom and you’re right. They soak up, my two boys soak up when mother is positive and they shrink when she is critical of them. Dr. Leman: Exactly. So the message is let them please you. But there’s certain things where, lifting something for example, and you’ve got a teenage son, “Honey, would you mind taking that? It’s too heavy for me.” I mean let him show his brawn, his bravado off to you. There’s something inside that young male that wants to show off that, “Hey, I’m becoming bigger and stronger.” And the message, of course, is I can help. And one of the things we preach on this podcast is let kids give back to the family. So mom, you’re not a minor person here, you’re your major in families. The whole family literally centers around you. Andrea: So Dr. Leman, I do have one question. What is a mother’s role in talking to her sons about pornography? I know you’ve mentioned this on other shows, and I’m just curious what you would say here in the context of this episode. Dr. Leman: Well, first of all, I mean, if you’re a mom who’s just discovered that your son has been watching pornography, the first thing out of your mouth has to be something to the effect of, “I’m very disappointed in what’s happened here.” Okay? So you put the downer face on that as soon as you possibly can. And then you have to say is you’re disappointed that you’re disappointed for several reasons. “One of the reasons is that it’s so demeaning to women and it takes you down a track of life that’s not productive and it’s very addictive behavior. And so as a woman, I’m not talking as a mom here, I’m talking as a woman, I’m offended that someone your age, with your bright future, could in fact look at this stuff. I got to tell you the truth, I’m glad you’re attracted to the opposite sex. That’s healthy and good. Less problems for you down life’s way with you being attracted to women.” Dr. Leman: “But again, you have to see the demeaning nature of this. You have to see how women are used in this industry of pornography. And are used by who? By men. It’s a very demeaning thing. And again, I want to go back to the fact that once you watch this stuff, what you saw is embedded in your brain now forever. You’re not going to get rid of that. When you’re 50 years old, you’re going to be able to see that image that you saw in that pornography in your brain. It’s not going to leave you. That’s why it’s devastating to a young person to get hooked on pornography, because it stays with you. It’s not something that you can just turn off. It’ll pop into your mind at the most inappropriate times.” Dr. Leman: “So as a mom who loves you and cares about everything about you, I’m blown away. Am I surprised? Yes, but if you push me on that, no, because I know it’s so prevalent in our society and it’s so readily available for any eyes to see it. But again, I’d really like to partner with you in seeing if we can get beyond this. This is not an easy thing to shake. And you may want to have to talk to somebody else other than your mom. This might be very uncomfortable for us even to have this conversation. If that’s what it takes, I’ll be willing to pay for a couple of sessions for you to go and talk to somebody about this, because this can be devastating to your future and you have to understand that.” Dr. Leman: “Now, can I do it for you? Can your dad do it for you? No, this is something you have to do for yourself. And quite frankly, it’s not just an emotional problem. I think it’s a spiritual problem, and I think it’s one that you need to correct between your maker and yourself.” But all that does there is it gets the conversation going. Now that son might get mad, he might shut down, he might come around a week later. And if he does, so be it. We’ll continue to have that uncomfortable conversation, but I think you have to draw some lines in your own mind and you have to put the stamp of disapproval on it for sure. But it has to be laced with compassion and understanding of how that can happen. Andrea: Great. Thank you, Dr. Leman. I think that that’s really important for us moms to know that our boys hearing from us on this topic will make a difference. Doug: Well, I just think of my mom would have come in and talked to me about this. Holy smokers, I would have listened. That would have been like … I mean, way more powerful than dad actually. Like dad, I would be afraid of, but mom would be like, oh man, that brings it home. Dr. Leman: Well, Doug and Andrea, how many parents sit down and talk to their sons about nocturnal emissions, better known as wet dreams? Every kid has one. There’s not many an adult man who can’t tell you what that first nocturnal emission was all about, but it’s something that we don’t talk about. It’s the elephant sitting on the couch in the living room. We don’t talk to our kids. Again, I wrote a book called A Chicken’s Guide To Talking Turkey To Your Kids About Sex. It’s a wonderful book. I co-wrote it with a woman that lives here in Tucson who does seminars on teaching kids about sex from a Christian perspective all around the world. It’s a great book. It’s a great title. It’s my lowest selling title that I’m aware of. Why? Because no parent gets up and says, “You know what I want to do today? I want to talk to my kids about sex.” So parents, you can’t stick your head in the sand. You got to talk turkey to your kids. Doug: Well, thank you, Dr. Leman for helping us. And for all those moms that are listening to this, we hope this helps you say this is how you can impact your sons. And I just want to remind everybody between now and February 29th of 2020 you can get What A Difference A Mom Makes for $2.99. Go and get it. And the reason we’re doing this is because we really do want you to enjoy your kids, love your kids more and more, have more tools so that you can just be a better parent for your kids’ sake. So we love being with you. We look forward to the next time we get to be with you. Andrea: Have a great week. Doug: Take care. Bye-bye.

   January 28, 2020·27min
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   Number 3: Can you parent as a grandparent? (Episode 264)

   Whether you are full-time or just on a few weekends, taking care of the grandchildren involves parenting. Listen in to find out Dr. Leman’s advice on how to best take care of the grandkids when they are in your care. Learn more about Dr. Leman at BirthOrderGuy.com. NEW: The Intimate Connection –Dr. Kevin Leman Amazon Barnes & Noble Christianbook.com **Special Offer– May 4 – Jun 10: Born to Win ebook for $1.99 at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, or wherever you get your ebooks** Show Sponsored by Revell, a division of Baker Publishing Produced by Unmutable Transcript Doug: Some day, we’ll all likely be grandparents. What do you do if your kids start dropping your kids off more and more and asking you to be their parent? Can you parent as a grandparent? Well, we need to know if you end up having to parent as a grandparent. That’s the question we get to ask Dr. Leman today. Doug: Hi. I’m Doug Terpening. Andrea: I’m Andrea. Doug: We are so glad that you are with us today. If this happens to be your first time with us, we just want to let you know this if for your education and entertainment purposes only. If the subject matter raises any concerns for you or your child, please go seek a local professional for help. Doug: Well, Dr. Leman, you just told us a really interesting story about someone who emailed you a question from a grandparent. It got me thinking. I think there’s probably more people that listen to this that either are having to parent as a grandparents, or someday were going to do it. What do we need to know if we get in this situation? Dr. Leman: Well, I’ll tell you, I think there’s an awful lot of grandparents out there, number one, who are rearing their grandchildren. There’s a lot of grandparents out there whose adult children are using their parents, the child’s grandparents, in a negative way, in a way that they expect the grandparents to drop everything they’re doing and to give safe harbor to their grandchildren. Now, we have four grandchildren. Quite frankly, we go to great lengths to be with them. Two of them live in Chicago, which is not exactly next door to Tucson, Arizona. Dr. Leman: In fact, my dear wife is flying up there in a week or so to be with our daughter, Hannah, and her husband, and those two little twins because both of them work and they’re like a lot of couples. We want to be helpful parents. Let’s face it, grandparents, you are mature. You’ve gone through life. You know a few things. By the time we get to the grandparent stage, we’re pretty steady and predictable, and again, a safe harbor. Dr. Leman: As I was telling you the other day, I got a question from a woman and I really felt so sad because the parent comes and drops off her daughter and leaves her there. I mean, leaves her there. She leaves her there. She doesn’t say, “I’ll be back tomorrow night.” She just leaves them and takes off. Grandparents never know when she’s going to come back. It can be two weeks later. It can be a week later. It could be three days later. Here’s a daughter who has absolutely no respect for her parents, and she uses those grandparents, their good will, good nature, and their love for their grandchild. You tell me, what would you do? I know what I told her to do, but I’d love to know what you guys would do if you’re the grandparents and you have a daughter, doesn’t have a husband, is single mom and she brings by this little granddaughter, drops her off and you never know when she’s going to come back. What would you do? Andrea: Oh, I’d be taking care of that grand baby, loving on it and just treating it like, “Well, you’re here now and as long as you’re here I’m mom, I guess.” Dr. Leman: Well, yeah. I think that’s how most people would respond, that, “This is my granddaughter and I love her and I want what’s best for her. Yes, we’ll take her to school. Yes, we’ll pack her lunches. Yes, we’ll give her money if she needs it,” and all those kind of things. Andrea: I’d probably even be considering adopting her. Dr. Leman: Well, I tell you, here’s what I shot back to grandma. I said, “You know what? This is a situation that doesn’t have a happy ending. The best thing you can possibly do is to start refusing taking your granddaughter until you reach an agreement with your daughter that you have guardianship of that nine year old.” This daughter is … God only knows what she’s doing. What she’s doing is not good. I can tell you that from the kind of things that the grandmother had shared with me. Again, parents, it’s a catch 22. You want to help your grandchild, but you best help your grandchild by getting guardianship of that nine year old. Now, that costs money. You have to have cooperation with your daughter. Whether your daughter caves in and gives it to you is up for grabs, but you can’t go through life just having somebody drop a youngster, someone you love, off at your house and not knowing where she is and when she’s going to be back. Dr. Leman: What if you guys have plans to go someplace and maybe see one of your other children, or one of you is still employed and have employment responsibilities. It’s a no win. As tough as that advice is for people, the best solution is to try to get guardianship. Once you have guardianship, then you can go ahead and you can really rear that nine year old as the parent. Then, mom has visiting rights, so to speak, for lack of a better term. She sees the kid’s mother, but you can imagine this child is just nine years old. What is she going to be like at 14? She needs somebody that’s going to really model stability and currently mom is just all over the place. Again, I’m very suspect that she’s a druggie and doing a lot of things that she shouldn’t be doing. Doug: If the grandparents refuse the daughter unless they get guardianship and the daughter refuses, what’s going to happen to that … my grandchild? Dr. Leman: See, this is where a situation like this we feel like we’re over the barrel. It’s just like the parent that writes in and says, “My son refuses to take his medication. It’s really important he takes his medication.” Well, the kid’s got you over the barrel. Kids and adults know when they have you over the barrel. They’ll work you. People aren’t for using. I know that. Is this easy to pull off? No. It’s not easy at all. Is it simple? No. It’s not simple either, Leman. This is difficult stuff, but you have to have a heart to heart with daughter. I mean, I’m suspect that the grandparents are also helping the daughter financially. They help her financially and she takes off on a two week binge someplace, hit and miss at work and all that. It’s a crisis in the making. I’ve awfully said, “I’d rather force a blowout than watch it slow leak itself to death.” These are tough questions. Most of your parents who are listening are saying, “Oh my goodness. I’m glad that’s not our situation.” It’s tough. Andrea: Is there any hope that by the grandparents standing up and saying to the daughter, “Well, you need to give us guardianship if we’re going to keep doing this,” that she might actually recognize what she’s doing and she just is waiting for somebody to hold her accountable and she might- Dr. Leman: She might. Andrea: Come out of this- Dr. Leman: She might. Andrea: Behavior? Dr. Leman: Again, permissiveness reigns in our society, and caving in and giving in. Very few people draw lines and says, “This is no longer manageable for us.” Imagine, grandparents living life and all of a sudden, without notice, there’s no phone call or anything, she just drops her off at the house and leaves. I mean just totally non-responsible behavior. You get the authorities involved, then there’s more problems down the line. I think this is something you want to try to solve as grandparents and cut a deal with your daughter for one specific reason, and that is you want to give that granddaughter, in this case, the best predictable, safe environment where she’s going to feel loved and she has some stability. Nine year olds need that, believe me. Doug: You know what I really appreciate about this example is, for me, you have used this phrase before, “I prefer a blowout than a slow leak, and people are not to be taken advantage of.” It’s like, “Yeah, I get it now.” If I’m ever being taken advantage of, I should force the issue instead of just limping along like this. In all of life, whether you’re a grandparent or not, that’s great. Doug: Well, before we finish, ’cause I have another question for grandparents here, I want to take this moment for all our podcast listeners, again, to tell you about the eBook special, thank from Baker Books, for you and you alone, a book by Dr. Leman called Born to Win for $1.99, June four to ten of 2019. Dr. Leman, I’m embarrassed to say so, I haven’t read Born to Win. I don’t know if I’ve even heard about it, which [crosstalk 00:08:37]- Andrea: I don’t know if I’ve heard of it either. Dr. Leman: Well- Doug: What is this one about? Dr. Leman: Who do you suppose is born to win? Take a guess. Doug: Andrea- Andrea: The baby- Doug: ‘Cause she’s sweet. Dr. Leman: Nope. Doug: The middle child, ’cause we’re both middle children. Dr. Leman: No. Andrea: The only child. Doug: No, no, ’cause we’re middle children. No? Dr. Leman: The firstborn. Doug: Ah. Andrea: We’re all born to win. Dr. Leman: The firstborn. They are born to win. Andrea: Yeah. Dr. Leman: It’s all about firstborn children. If you’re a firstborn- Doug: So this is- Dr. Leman: Or if you have a firstborn, you might really enjoy reading Born to Win. Doug: It does help to get behind their eyeballs and understand it, doesn’t it? Born to Win, $1.99 June four to ten of 2019. Now, favorite part of the segment, Straight Talk with Dr. Kevin Leman. Dr. Leman: You know, you don’t have to walk very far to find a smart mouthed kid these days. You’ll find them in schools. You’ll find them on a playground. This is so difficult to say to you parents. You may even find them in your home. You know, kids today view themselves as social equals. They don’t really see authority in a proper manner. Parents, quite frankly, don’t act in authority. They tend to be permissive and then they swing to authoritarian. We’ll discuss that one at another time, but the point is is that these kids know where you are, how you operate. I’ll tell you, they can pull your chain. The question is, when your child is really smart mouth to you, ask yourself this question. What was the purpose of nature of that? Was it to show you that he or she is the boss, that they want to simply just dis your authority? Dr. Leman: It could be, but the point is, words hurt and you don’t have to just come back immediately. If you do, you engage in fighting. Remember, fighting is an act of what? Cooperation. After the hurtful words, go about your business. I’m telling you, I don’t care if your kid is six or 16, it’s going to be a very short period of time when they come to you and say, “Mommy, would you get me this?” Or, “Mom, can I go over to John’s house?” Maybe they’re driving the car. “Hey dad, can I take the car?” Well, a simply dosage of vitamin N will get your son or daughter’s attention. What does that mean? A simple, “No. I don’t feel like getting you anything right now.” “Honey, no, you can’t take the car.” Turn your back. Walk away. Dr. Leman: Now, again, do not engage in battle. You have gold in your back pocket, parents, okay? I call this parental poker. You have four aces in your back pocket as well. You don’t have to always play those cards, you just have to have the assurance that those cards are there. Quite frankly, your kid wouldn’t have underwear on right now if you didn’t buy it for him. Who’s kidding who? You are in full authority over your children. Dr. Leman: Now, here’s the fun part, I think. They’re going to dig. They’re going to say, “Mom, what’s wrong with you? You always let me go to John’s house. You always let me do this.” Let them really squirm and figure out that maybe what they said an hour and a half earlier was very inappropriate. Don’t tell them right off the bat. Again, let them sort of guess and figure it out. Finally, he or she will figure it out. “Oh, I’m sorry about what I said this morning.” “Well, honey, I’m glad you could say you’re sorry. That’s really important.” “Well, can I take the car now?” “No, but we’ll revisit that another day.” That’s Straight Talk from the good old Dr. Leman. I’m telling you, this stuff works. Doug: Okay, Dr. Leman. Here’s my question. For the grandparents that are not in that dire of a situation but we do have the classic, “Truly the parents are super permissive and when they come over to my house, my grandparents just are out of control. I don’t agree with their parenting style. What do I do when I have them in my house for five hours or maybe overnight? What do I do with their unruly behavior?” Dr. Leman: Well the simple sentence is, “Honey, in our home we don’t do that,” works, whether it’s putting your feet on the furniture or whatever. Here’s the interesting thing that I’ve observed over the years, Doug and Andrea, that kids can go from one environment to another with a completely different set of rules and they adjust to it. Grandparents, don’t lower your expectations for your grandchildren. I would tell you, when the grandchildren come over, okay, have fun. Do a little thought about, “Hey, what could we do with … grandkids are coming over.” Maybe your kids have said, “Hey, we want to take off for a weekend. Would you take the kids for a weekend?” “Okay, we’d be glad to.” Dr. Leman: Well, rather than just sit around grandma and grandpa’s house, which a lot of grandparents are very comfortable in doing, plan a couple things. In fact, asking your grandchild’s opinion of, “Honey, would each of you give grandma and grandpa one idea of things you think might be fun for all of us to do this coming weekend? I know you’re coming over Friday night and you’re going to be here til Saturday late, so come up with a couple things and grandma … grandpa and I will talk about it and we’ll figure something out,” so that time with your grandchildren is meaningful and you can have a fun time together. Doug: The recommendation is make it fun when they do come over and keep your standards going, that they will adjust to being at your house with whatever standards- Dr. Leman: They will. Doug: You have. Dr. Leman: They will adjust to whatever your expectations are. Doug: When I think about when we have some of our nieces and nephews come over, they do adapt to our behavior. Andrea: Yeah. Doug: It is interesting. You’re right. Well, thank you, Dr. Leman. You might hear a frog in our background. We have a frog in our garage that we cannot find. If you hear something croaking- Dr. Leman: I love it. Doug: If you hear something croaking, it’s not Andrea. Andrea: No, it’s not. Doug: It’s actually a frog. Dr. Leman: Okay, people, Doug and Andrea are hillbillies. You remember the old hillbillies? The Beverly Hillbillies- Doug: Oh, come on- Dr. Leman: These are Oregon hillbillies. Doug: Come on. Dr. Leman: They got a frog in there. Doug: We can’t find it. We’ve been looking for like a week. Dr. Leman: You know why- Doug: It tells you how cluttered our garage is. Dr. Leman: You know what the frog said? He said, “Pardon me, I have a man in my throat.” Doug: Ah, well, we love, love, love answering these questions and helping you with your parenting toolbox. Born to Win is the new eBook for a buck ninety-nine, June four to ten of 2019. If you have a firstborn, highly recommend, highly, highly recommend it, as well as all the other Dr. Leman books that are out there. We can’t wait to be with you again and add to your parenting toolbox so you can just love them kiddos more and more, whether you’re a grandparent or a parent. Andrea: Have a great week with those grandkids. Doug: Yes. Mrs. Terpening’s really happy and looking forward to them. Dr. Leman: All righty. Doug: Take care. Have a great day. Bye bye. Andrea: Bye bye.

   June 04, 2019·16min
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   Number 4: 041: Ask Dr. Leman (Poopy Pants, Grandparents Overstepping or Not?)

   Tired of the poopy pants potty battles? Dr. Leman gives you one rule to follow to solve the potty battle. Also, what is your role as a grandparent with a...

   August 21, 2014·24min
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   Number 5: 035: Ask Dr. Leman (What is too rough?; The Silent Treatment)

   Worried that your kids play too rough? How do you deal with the silent treatment from your kids? Dr. Kevin Leman answers these questions and more in this episode. LISTEN...

   July 31, 2014·28min
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