One of the greatest griefs a person can experience is losing a loved one to suicide. 

Studies indicate that 85% of people in the United States will personally know someone who has committed suicide during their lifetimes. Suicide is the second leading cause of death among college students. How can we pray through the pain of a loved one committing suicide?

In this episode, FOCUS staff Travis Todd and Levi Rash join Jessica to talk about surviving a loved one's suicide. Travis, Levi, and Jess discuss:

• Travis and Levi's own personal experiences of living through a family member's suicide
• Common struggles people experience after a loved one's suicide, including wondering if they could have done more to prevent it
• Church teaching regarding suicide
• What helped Travis and Levi to pray during the painful time after the suicide
• Travis and Levi's advice for those who are grieving a loved one's suicide

You can purchase Fr. Chris Alar's book, "After Suicide: There's Hope for Them and For You" here.

Travis Todd
Travis Todd is a convert to Catholicism and has worked for FOCUS for 18 years. Travis served 9 years as a campus missionary and team director before accepting a role at the FOCUS Denver Support Center. He currently serves as Sr. Director of Formation. Travis resides in Arvada, Colorado, with his wife, Rebecca, and 7 children.

Check out other He Leadeth Me episodes featuring Travis here:

Conversion and the Drama of Family Relationships
Finding God in Daily Work: What's It Like to Work at the DSC?

Levi Rash
Levi Rash graduated from the University of Missouri - Kansas City and joined FOCUS in 2011. He served as a campus missionary, Team Director, and is currently a Senior Regional Director serving the West Area. This is his 14th year with FOCUS as a staff member. Levi has been married to Stef, a FOCUS alum, for over 8 years and they have 3 daughters. Levi's family resides in Lincoln, Nebraska. 

Dominican friar Fr. James Brent is back to talk about his devotion to praying to the Holy Spirit under the title, "Spirit of Truth". Fr. James and Jess discuss:

• How praying to the Spirit of Truth led to the downfall of communism in Europe
• What invoking the Holy Spirit as the Spirit of Truth could do for our country
• How you can grow in your devotion to the Holy Spirit as the Spirit of Truth

Be sure to check out Fr. James' new book, "The Father's House: Discovering Our Home in the Trinity" here and his podcast Contemplata here.

Fr. James Brent, O.P., is a priest in the St. Joseph Province Dominican Friars. He is a professor at the Dominican House of Studies and a popular retreat master and preacher.

In reading the Scriptures, there can be some passages that trouble modern readers, like the accounts of the wars the Israelites undertook against people living in the Promised Land. 

In this episode, Fr. Andrew Dickinson and Josh Burks from the FAD & Dad podcast sit down with Jess to shed some light on these Scripture passes. Fr. Andrew, Josh, and Jess discuss:

• Did God command genocide when he commanded the Israelites to wage war and put all the inhabitants of the cities to death?
• What about the account of Hagar's encounter with God? Did God command her to return to her abuser?
• What advice do you have for people who are reading these Scripture accounts?
• What did the Church Fathers say about these passages?

You can check out the FAD & DAD podcast here

Father Andrew Dickinson is a priest of the Diocese of Sioux Falls. Ordained in 2006 he has served in the diocese in various capacities, including 11 years as the director of the Pius XII Newman Center serving the campus of South Dakota State University where he had the privilege of working with FOCUS missionaries those 11 years. Father Andrew currently serves as the pastor of 4 parishes in the diocese aided by 2 priests and one deacon. He also serves his Bishop as a Vicar General. If he has a FOCUS claim to fame it is through his brother, who was in the original bible study led by Dr. Sri in the 1990s. 

Joshua Burks is an Associate Teacher at The Emmaus Institute for Biblical Studies in Lincoln, NE. He teaches primarily on New Testament texts and themes, but enjoys any opportunity to bring clarity and conviction to engaging with Christ in the Scriptures. Previous to his time teaching, Joshua spent four years as a missionary and Team Director with FOCUS at South Dakota State University. Next to love of God is his love for his wife, Elizabeth, and their three rambunctious boys. 

In this episode, Jess sits down with Bonnie Engstrom. 14 years ago, Bonnie's life was turned upside down when she gave birth to a stillborn baby named James.

After 61 minutes without a heartbeat, doctors were going to proclaim her baby dead, but through the intercession of Servant of God Fulton Sheen, James' heart began to beat. The miracle was unanimously approved by doctors, theologians, and cardinals and was recognized by Pope Francis in 2019.

Don't miss this exciting interview!

Bonnie Engstrom is a writer, baker, speaker, and homemaker. Her newly published children's book - Fulton Sheen and the Very Bad Week - is the retelling of true stories from Archbishop Sheen's childhood and is beautifully illustrated by artist Mariam Khoury Briggs. She is the author of 61 Minutes to a Miracle: Fulton Sheen and a True Story of the Impossible, which tells the story of her son's Vatican-approved miracle for the beatification of Venerable Fulton Sheen. 61 Minutes to a Miracle has been translated into Polish, Italian, and Slovak. Bonnie is a regular contributor and co-author for Blessed Is She, a frequent radio and podcast guest, and an old school blogger. Bonnie lives with her husband and eight children in Illinois.

You can check out Bonnie's books here:
61 Minutes to a Miracle
Fulton Sheen and the Very Bad Week

In the culminating episode of our Advent retreat with the Carmelite mystics, Sr. Shawn Pauline returns to teach us about "The Romances," a poem by St. John of the Cross on the union of the soul with God. Jess and Sr. Shawn Pauline discuss:

• How John wrote "The Romances", a series of 9 poems that describe the love between the Father and the Son, during Advent while he was imprisoned by his fellow Carmelites
• John's illustration of the theological concept "perichoresis," which is the relationship between the Persons of the Trinity, often described as a dance
• How John's poems can offer insight for those who have struggles around Christmas time, especially those who come from difficult family situations

Sr. Shawn Pauline is a religious sister in the community of the Carmelites of the Most Sacred Heart of Jesus of Los Angeles.

In this episode, Jessica sits down with Sr. Shawn Pauline to discuss the 3rd and 4th waters of prayer according to St. Theresa of Avila. Sr. Shawn Pauline and Jess discuss:

• The images of the river and the rain that St. Theresa uses to describe these deeper stages of prayer
• How the soul must wait for God's action within it, and how this waiting ties into the season of Advent

Sr. Shawn Pauline is a religious sister in the community of the Carmelites of the Most Sacred Heart of Jesus of Los Angeles.

Here are Sr. Shawn Pauline's notes on the third and fourth waters of prayer:

3rd Water: Prayer of Inebriation

Teresa’s Image: The Stream or River 

Characteristics of this prayer:

• The garden is now irrigated by the water flowing from a stream or river, with much less labor (16.1)
• Some labor is required to direct the flow of the water (16.1)
• The Lord himself practically becomes the gardener and is the one who does everything (16.1) 
• The flowers of virtue in the soul are beginning to blossom and bring forth a fragrance (16.3)
• Sleep of the faculties: they neither fail entirely to function nor understand how they function (16.1)

Effects on the soul in this prayer:

• Only occupied with God- desires to only live in Him (16.4)
• Complete death to all earthy  things and an enjoyment of God (16.1)
• Great strength of the soul; stronger virtue
• Deep humility and detachment 
• Sometimes all the faculties are absorbed in God and sometimes restless

Work of the soul in this prayer:

• Abandon oneself completely in the hands of God (17.2)
• Pay no attention to the memory, suffer it with patience (17.7)
• The soul sees here that it did neither little no much other than consent to the Lord’s favors and embrace them with its will (17.3)
  
  4th Water: The Prayer of Union

Teresa’s Image: The Rain 

Characteristics of this prayer: 

• Total suspension of the faculties (intellect, memory, will)
• Absolute certitude that God was present in the soul and the soul in God

Effects on the soul in this prayer:

• Absence of distractions, since the faculties are suspended 
• Absence of fatigue (it’s raining- no effort for me!)
• An extraordinary experience of joy. The soul rejoices without understanding what it is rejoicing in (FULL of water)
• Obsessed with serving Him as much as it can (20.23), no longer speaks/does anything for itself (20.24)
• Spirit is completely detached from things (20.8)
• No longer fears dangers, rather desires them- as though they have assurance of their victory (20.22)

Work of the soul in this prayer:

• Humility- the foundation to the entire edifice 
• Always keep the Sacred Humanity of Christ before us… we become more human as we grow in holiness
• Mortification- more refined, delicate, and careful in little things

In this episode of our Advent series, Sr. Shawn Pauline explains the second "Water of Prayer" according to St. Theresa of Avila. Sr. Shawn Pauline and Jess discuss:

• At this stage, God leads the soul into the prayer of recollection, which is the still awareness of God's presence within the soul
• How St. Theresa uses the images of an aqueduct to describe the prayer of recollection
• How a soul can open itself to receiving the gift of this prayer

Sr. Shawn Pauline is a religious sister in the community of the Carmelites of the Most Sacred Heart of Jesus of Los Angeles.

Here are Sr. Shawn Pauline's notes on the second water of prayer:

2nd Water: The Prayer of Quiet; Infused Recollection

Teresa’s Image: The Aqueduct (or garden hose)

Characteristics of this prayer:

·       Begins to be recollected and realizes that it can in no way acquire this prayer through any efforts on its own (14.2)

·       Here the water is higher and the labor is much less… the water is closer because grace is more clearly manifest to the soul (14.22)

·       The faculties (memory and intellect) are gathered within so as to enjoy that satisfaction with greater delight, but they are not lost or asleep (14.2)

·       Only the will is occupied and must consent itself to be captivated by Love Himself (14.2)

·       The Lord is beginning to “take a walk” in the garden of the soul. The soul longs for the flowers of virtue that are beginning to bloom, to increase in fragrance so as to bring Him delight and glory. The soul knows this grace of “fragrance” comes from Him, through the weeding out of its vices, and begs Him to increase it (14.9)

Effects on the soul in this prayer:

·       Satisfaction of peace is bestowed on the soul

·       A little spark of the Lord’s true love enkindles the soul (15.4) … a pledge that he gives to show that he chooses it for great things if it will prepare itself to receive them (15.5)

·       The soul begins to lose its cravings for earthly things- detachment from personal honors (14.5)

·       God gives self-knowledge (true humility)

·       A strong desire to advance in prayer, desire for humiliations

·       A mature, trusting fear in God and a distrust of self (15.14)

Work of the soul in this prayer:

·       Practice the life of virtue to be able to respond to the graces in prayer

·       Remain in its joy and quietude

·       Proceed gently and noiselessly- not running about with the intellect looking for many words (16.6)

In this episode of our Advent series, Sr. Shawn Pauline describes how God takes a beginner into deeper stages of prayer. Sr. Shawn Pauline and Jess discuss:

• How a soul transitioning into deeper prayer often experiences dryness, distraction, and an increased awareness of their own sin and weakness
• How to tell the difference between dryness, desolation, and depression
• The importance of perseverance, humility, and detachment

Sr. Shawn Pauline is a religious sister in the community of the Carmelites of the Most Sacred Heart of Jesus of Los Angeles.


Here are Sr. Shawn Pauline's notes on transitions in prayer:

1)      Transitions in prayer/ Dark night of the Sense/GOD’s Work in the soul 

a.      St. John of the Cross-What God Does…  Dark Night (overview of the DN of the Sense Chapter 12 &13)

• The soul is purged of its attachments 
• It gains a deeper understanding of the vices that it has and gains greater humility and a greater desire for knowledge of God rather than self

b.      Movements into a deeper life of prayer with less consolation, times of dryness and when prayer may seem to change and be difficult 
c. Signs of the dark night of the sense common in the lives of most people who develop a solid and strong prayer life. 

• Soul no longer able to pray with discursive meditation/ consolation as known prior to the time of prayer is gone.
• The soul is deeply committed to prayer and continues to stay so.  One knows that one must be with God in this time of prayer regardless of feelings. One continues to serve God well. 

c.      Perseverance in prayer is needed. Teresa would tells us not to quit. / don’t be afraid of changes and ways that you can no longer meditate as you used to.

• Learn to be still and ready for something new…
• Let go of the desire for consolations and focus on the presence of God  and learning to just be with Him.
• You are not wasting time/ resist the temptation and let go of not “doing” something.
• Listen/be still/ wait.

d.      On those with the inability to reflect discursively, “dull imagination”: “…if one perseveres, one reaches contemplation more quickly along this way of inability to work discursively with the intellect…it is fitting for persons with this tendency to have greater purity of conscience than those who can work with the intellect.” Life 4:7-8

e.      “And so I would never counsel anyone-if there were someone to whom I should have to give counsel-to fail out of fear to put a good inspiration into practice when it repeatedly arises. For if one proceeds with detachment for God alone, there is no reason to fear that the effort will turn out bad; for He has the power to accomplish all”. Life 4:2

Are you looking for ways you can enter more deeply into Advent? Look no further! 

This Advent, Sr. Shawn Pauline from the Carmelites of the Most Sacred Heart of Los Angeles will offer He Leadeth Me listeners a series of podcast episodes on the writings of St. Theresa of Avila and St. John of the Cross. In this episode, Sr. Shawn Pauline begins the retreat by talking about the beginning stages of the journey into deeper prayer. Sr. Shawn Pauline and Jess discuss:

• Theresa's description of the Prayer of Recollection and the image of the well and the bucket
• How can you tell the difference between consolations felt at this stage of prayer and the consolations experienced at deeper stages?
• What does God do in the soul at this stage and what should the person do to respond?

Sr. Shawn Pauline is a religious sister in the community of the Carmelites of the Most Sacred Heart of Jesus of Los Angeles.


Check out Sr. Shawn Pauline's notes for this episode!

Love’s Quest

On my bed at night, I sought Him Whom my soul loves- I sought Him but did not find him. So I will rise and go through the city…to seek Him Whom my heart loves (Song 3:1-3)

1st Water: Prayer of Recollection or Simplicity

Teresa’s Image: The Well and Bucket

Characteristics of this prayer:

• The beginner works while The Lord gives the increase (11.5)
• The beginner must cultivate their garden on very barren soil, full of abominable weeds (11.6) 
• With the help of God we must strive like good gardeners to get these plants to grow (11.6)
• His Majesty wants determination, and He is a friend of courageous souls if they walk in humility without trusting in self (13.2)

Effects on the soul in this prayer:

• Greater detachment from outward things but mixed with  many faults
• Increased desires for God
• Greater self-mastery
• Divine love begins to be enkindled

Work of the soul in this prayer:

• Perseverance, determination, courage 
• Self-knowledge: the thought of one’s sins (“our daily bread”)
• Growing in the virtues of humility and detachment
• God’s assistance 
• Meditate on the sacred life and Passion of Christ, hell, death, the power of God, the Love he bore us (13.13)
• Do not be distressed or afflicted over the dryness or noisy and distracting thoughts (11.17)
• Jesus is not concerned with our little inabilities (11.15)
• Occupy yourself in looking at Christ Who is looking at you 

In this episode, Jessica's friend Theresa shares about the struggles of infertility and her own story of asking the intercession of Servant of God Michelle Duppong. 

Jess and Theresa discuss:

• The common question when struggling with infertility: Should I ask for what I want in prayer or should I pray, "Not my will but yours be done"?
• Theresa's experience of having a baby after praying to Servant of God Michelle Duppong
• Theresa's advice for women struggling with infertility

You can find out more about Servant of God Michelle Duppong here: https://michelleduppongcause.org/ 

You can buy tickets to see the documentary, "Radiating Joy: The Michelle Duppong Story," here.

Theresa Callahan is a wife and mother who lives on the East Coast.