Heal grow become

Your relationship with both yourself and other people is primarily determined/shaped by the relationship/s you had with/have with your parents/primary caregivers. The quality of adult choices you make is also primarily determined by the state of your inner child (the memory of your childhood experiences). There is no way of improving the quality of your life without taking stock of your past and repairing your hat needs to be repaired. In this podcast/conversation Chris talks about the importance of understanding your background and why it’s important to self develop and equip yourself best to confront anything that is taking away from your ability and right to live a fulfilling life.

Sometimes we’re our worst enemy, we disqualify ourselves from opportunities as we honour the memory of our childhood and past setbacks, misfortunes, disadvantages and traumas. We continue to relive our childhood memories and end up undermining our current reality and the possibility of changing a lot about and for ourselves. Catastrophic thinking is usually at the root of most of our fears and anxieties. Due to unresolved issues from the past, most people live with an anticipation of something wrong happening, they live in waiting for the day their world will crush. They struggle to see any other truth except for the truth they know and have experienced in the form of disadvantages, setbacks and misfortunes and anytime there is an opportunity to find a new truth, they undermine those opportunities out of the fear of disappointment and the shame associated with the perceived failure and losses.

Cognitive dissonance happens on our watch, we may not be consciously participating in the employment of behaviours, but there is a role we subconsciously play and this is why you have to develop the skills of bringing to your consciousness your unconscious thoughts before they’re converted into emotional responses and behavioural reactions. We can all control our conscious thoughts but without the integration of our consciously filtered unconscious thoughts, we risk sabotaging our attempts to live fulfilled lives because neglecting the necessary processes of understanding our limitations, fears, weaknesses, self beliefs, all hidden in our unconscious mind will lead to problematic behaviours. To experience a fully regulated state of being, we have to encourage the development of a health relationship between our conscious and unconscious mind.

Being you is a lot of work, it’s not something to be taken for granted and if you’re not willing to take responsibility for your life, you risk living a life that is borrowed from those whose opinions, beliefs and lifestyles you have accepted either consciously or unconsciously without question. Everything you’re experiencing today is a reflection of your personality and if you’re not happy with and by the results of your life, you can change that by changing your personality. However you cannot change your personality until you take the time to question and challenge everything you’ve used to develop into the person you’re today because whoever you’re today is a sum result of the conversations, activities, places and people you have given or gained access. To change your attractions, you have to change your personality and to change your personality, you have to redefine yourself by developing new beliefs and values that will encourage the development of new behaviours.

it's easier to say,' But why don't you leave? it's easier to assume that victims of abuse don't want to leave their abusive relationships but the reality for a lot of victims is that, they wouldn't know where to start because of a lot of reasons. the language we use around victims of abuse sometimes intensifies their anxiety and makes it difficult for them to consider freedom. when we don't show support and speak kindly, we speak like perpetrators and victims will have no one to trust. as a victim of abuse, what do you do when it feels like you are not welcome anywhere else outside of the toxic environment you are already in? where do you go when no one seems to care? in this episode and a few more to come, we will be talking about how to rescue yourself when help is not coming. I hope and pray you will not give your abuser the satisfaction of doing as they please with you because you have lost hope of ever getting out of the abuse cycle.

Being a saviour means your needs don’t matter until you have attended to your partner’s needs. It means, the quality of your relationship is fully your responsibility and the quality of your life is dependent upon that which is satisfying to your toxic partner. Most people don’t know how to be happy until they’ve made their partner’s happy.

Most of the time we struggle to find meaning with our lives outside of our misfortunes and we get stuck in the cycle of dysfunction. This doesn’t necessarily mean that we cannot change and that there is nothing good for us out there. Our lives at the end of the day, are a reflection of what we have accepted and what we’re doing nothing to change. No one but yourself can change the conditions of your life.

It is a sad place to be when you find yourself falling for someone who doesn’t feel the same for you, someone who won’t invest in your relationship with them just as you’re invest.

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This is just an introduction to our new Podcast.