Heart Talk with Kelly Goldson-Vaas

Today’s episode is short and encouraging! Change is hard, even when it’s good, because it throws off our routine and sometimes knocks us off balance. I’ve personally been going through a lot of transition in my own life, and I wanted to share something God told me recently that really helped me to relax and trust Him.

“You are a child of God.

Child of God is your most important title.

This encompasses everything you were born to be, ever dreamt of becoming, and hope to grow into.

I have found more power, more joy, more skill, more provision, and loads upon loads more purpose in abiding with the Lord and simply being His than I ever did surviving in the world.

All of this really hit home for me one perfectly ordinary afternoon while I was cleaning up my bathroom at home. It always makes me giggle a little to myself when I think about how the Lord saw me standing there scrubbing the clouded silver nozzles on my sink, miles away in my thoughts, and tapped me on the shoulder. And just as clearly as you can hear the blast of a car horn, the deep hum of a bass, or the hearty cackle of someone embroiled in conversation - I heard the Lord gently but loudly, politely but forcefully, say to me:

‘Kelly, you think that your past is the most interesting thing about you, but it’s not. I am. My love for you is what sets you apart. I didn’t choose you to work for me because you have suffered, I chose you long before any of that happened. The abuse chose you because I chose you, not the other way around. So stop wearing your pain like a name-tag, wear my love.’”

- Excerpt from page 277, To the Unloved by Kelly Goldson, copy written 2021, all rights reserved.

So, I have exciting news! This past March, I married my best friend and became Kelly Goldson-Vaas (pronounced like “boss” but with a V). If you’ve been listening for a while, then you know I was physically and sexually abused by my father from the time I was a toddler until I was 17 years old. With God’s help, I’ve healed so much from this and built a healthy life for myself, but understandably, being abused has caused some complications when it comes to romance. For the longest time, I wasn’t interested in being with anyone. For me, the fear of ending up with someone like my father was so intense I didn’t even want to try dating.

I met my husband, Byron, when I was 21 and he said he knew from the start that he wanted to be with me… and he was willing to wait if that’s what it took. Well, it took 10 years, but here we are! This episode is about our love story, what it’s been like being married after going through long-term childhood sexual trauma, and some tips for others who are walking a similar path after being abused. Friend, there is someone out there who will love you for YOU and won’t rush your healing process.

Love you,

- Kelly

So often, we are pressured to follow the crowd, even when it comes to our faith in God. However, the Lord does not want us to do anything, even good and holy things, for the sole purpose of fitting in with everyone else. God wants wants our motives to be centered around loving Him - just like His are centered around loving us. Every step we take, every decision we make, God wants to walk us through personally. If you want to grow your relationship with God, then this episode is for you! I pray this provides guidance on how to rely less on the opinions of others, and be led by the Lord alone.

The world often stigmatizes mental illness, but Jesus never does. In Matthew 11:28-30, Jesus tells the heavy burdened and weary to come to Him. We have a Savior who has compassion on us when we are burdened, no matter what the burden is (whether it’s physical, spiritual, emotional, or mental.)

Even when people struggle to understand what you’re going through and judge you - your secrets, struggles, and feelings are safe with God. He wants to be your safe place, your refuge.

It is vitally important that we stop stigmatizing mental illness in the church and show Christ-like compassion instead. We are failing our most vulnerable brothers and sisters when they need our support the most - leaving them to suffer in silence and pretend to be okay. Tonight, I’m sharing my own experiences with depression & PTSD along with powerful Biblical truths that have helped me recover. I hope this helps anyone who is fighting unseen internal battles every day.

You are not alone, and you are not failing God. He sees you and loves you more than you know.

- Kelly

This past December I went in for a scan to check my ovaries (I have PCOS) and they found that in the 2 months since my previous one… I’d grown more than a dozen new cysts and a very suspicious mass. In just 8 weeks. Within moments, that doctors visit went from routine to frightening. I was ushered into another exam room, where I was told I would need a biopsy. They gave me an extra-strength Motrin, a snack, and let me have a few minutes to process everything while the painkillers kicked in. I prayed in a panicked whisper, had the biopsy, and then continued to pray (and cry at times) for the next week as I waited for the results. I’d seen the worry on my doctor’s face during the exam, and I couldn’t get her expression out of my mind… in my gut, something didn’t feel right.

I just kept thinking, “I’m 29. I have a newborn niece I want to see grow up. And, my siblings… this will wreck them after what happened to our mom. God, what about the dreams You gave me? What about the future I’ve believed, hoped, and worked for?”

He answered back, “Do you still trust me? Do you still think I’m good?”

I’ll be honest… at first, I wasn’t sure. I was still so shocked. Everything in me and around me had been upended.

Me and God had some really honest chats that week (it was a week before Christmas… such lovely timing). And, through that terrifying situation, God strengthened my faith in unexpected ways.

This episode is for anyone who has been blindsided by their own bad news and is wondering what their future holds. Hold onto to God and believe that He is holding on to you. This nightmare won’t last always.

I hope this episode uplifts your heart and challenges your faith. If you need prayer over any area of your life, my email address is [email protected].

What we call a “harvest season” does not just happen by accident. The Bible tells us in Galatians 6:7 that we will reap what we sow. God wants to give us wholesome relationships, good health, and a peaceful mind. However, often the way God gives us these things is by giving us the strength, wisdom, and courage to sow into different areas of our lives. The enemy wants us to believe that we are powerless, but Jesus makes you powerful. You are a child of God, and when you set your mind to live the abundant life He has for you, your Heavenly Father will help you to take action.

Tonight I’m talking about the moment I knew when it was time for me to deal with my past and forgive. It’s a moment with God that I will never forget.

Forgiving someone who hurt you can feel impossible to do at times, especially when the wounds they inflicted are still raw and they don’t even seem sorry. Dear friend, God wants you to know that He understands. He is here to help you. He will not dismiss your pain. He will not brush you aside. He wants to heal you and lead you through to the other side of trauma.

When it’s time to forgive, you will know it because God himself will tell you in the most loving way possible.

Love you,

- Kelly

In my book, To the Unloved, I shared some of the triggers that I’ve dealt with as a result of my father’s abuse. Over the years as I have walked with God, so many of the wounds I had in my early 20s have healed. However, after those triggers stopped hurting, God revealed some other ones I didn’t know were there…

Trauma effects us more deeply than we know. I am so grateful that God is thorough in His healing process, shining His light and love on every single wound hidden within us - no matter how deeply imbedded they may be. He never stops until we are whole.

In this week’s podcast, I’m sharing about the triggers I used to have and the ones I’m overcoming right now. Healing is a process, and sometimes it’s a struggle. God doesn’t want us to be ashamed of the ways we still need healing. To struggle means to put up a fight! Keep fighting to overcome. God won’t ever give up on you, so don’t give up on yourself.

- Kelly

Scripture:

Matthew 11:28-30

Songs:

Music: Wander

Musician: @iksonmusic

Music: Accra

Musician: Jeff Kaale

Music: Beach

Musician: Jeff Kaale

“Never doubt God’s mighty power to work in you and accomplish all this. He will achieve infinitely more than your greatest request, your most unbelievable dream, and exceed your wildest imagination! He will outdo them all, for his miraculous power constantly energizes you.”

‭‭- Ephesians‬ ‭3:20‬ ‭TPT‬‬

Don’t settle for less than God wants for you.

Don’t settle for half-healed.

Don’t settle for mostly okay.

Enjoy your life.

- Kelly

Music Credit:

Music: Shoreline

Musician: Rook1e

Music: Solitude

Musician: Rook1e

Music: Chill

Musician: LiQWYD