HeirHeads

It’s a resounding Sussex success! Prince Harry and Meghan Markle’s tour of South Africa got off to a flying start last week with dancing, hugs and a sensational speech. With their low-key, first-name-terms approach, the Sussexes are working to change the image around Africa and the monarchy, aided by “old soul” Master Archie and his show-stopping dungarees. Back in the UK, Kate Middleton named the RRS David Attenborough (née Boaty McBoatface) and Prince William even made a “joke”. To her father’s delight — and no one’s surprise — Princess Beatrice announced her engagement to Edoardo Mapelli Mozzi, but Prince Andrew’s not out of the woods yet, as the FBI is expanding its investigation into his links to Jeffrey Epstein. And elsewhere, we’re talking about what the historic Supreme Court ruling means for the Queen, and whether the relationship between Buckingham Palace and Downing Street can survive...

The glamour continues this week with Prince Charles’s first foray into sustainable clothing: a London Fashion Week collection by punk designers Vin + Omi, made out of nettles from the prince’s Highgrove estate. His history of environmental activism doesn’t seem quite so outrageous for a royal after David Cameron’s revelations about the Queen’s influential role in 2014’s Scottish Independence referendum — which have prompted “an amount of displeasure” in the palace — and further details about Prince Andrew’s relationships with Jeffrey Epstein and Virginia Roberts. Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, meanwhile, escape the spotlight at home with a Roman holiday to the spectacular wedding of Misha Nonoo and Michael Hess, while Kate Middleton is busy handing out Blue Peter prizes, chatting to nurses and overseeing popular Prince George’s many, many playdates.

We’ve been trawling the high street this week as we smart up on Meghan Markle’s capsule collection for Smart Works, which officially launched with a “VERY Instagram-friendly” rooftop party and a terrifically Tiggish black and white campaign. We’ve got all the details on Meghan Markle, fashion mogul, from the cold calls to the WhatsApp group to the dreaded lilac blazers. Prince Harry has been making some calls of his own, going up against Cheryl Cole to close a major trade deal on BGC Charity Day — and closing his own car door… We receive an update on Master Archie from Ellen Degeneres, of all people, while Prince William gives his verdict on Princess Charlotte’s beloved unicorns. And Kate Middleton’s garden marathon comes to a close with the third and final version of the Back to Nature space, which she celebrated with Mary Berry and a pair of ill-advised wedges. Lastly, we’re following up on Prince Andrew’s furious altercation with a royal aide...

Back to school we go! Kate Middleton and Princess Charlotte go straight to the top of the class with their trend-setting first-day style, while Prince Andrew faces a steep learning curve as he finds himself disinvited from engagements for Northern Ireland. Elsewhere, Prince Harry hasn’t done his homework on his first project for the Sussex Royal Foundation, and Meghan Markle takes a couple of days off for a weekend of tennis, yoga and whispering with Anna Wintour in New York. Class is in session for Prince William as he discovers racism on a visit to a football club, but Camilla Parker Bowles is in a class of her own with a bold outfit of raspberry, claret and green tartan on her away day.

The monarchy is in crisis! While Prince Andrew’s new PR guru advises a more aggressive strategy, attempting to cast doubt on his accuser by drawing attention to his “chubby fingers”, the Queen is drawn into Brexit chaos. There’s little time for political chat, however, when Prince William deals another blow in his feud with Prince Harry, with the battle of the relatable pub lunches. Elsewhere, Meghan Markle’s father Thomas resurfaces to remind us why the pair are estranged, and Vogue Paris taps Hailey Bieber for its Princess Diana-themed editorial photoshoot, released just in time for the 22nd anniversary of her death...

The brotherly feud between Prince William and Prince Harry reaches new heights as the Cambridges make sure to get papped on a commercial flight to Balmoral, amidst the Sussexes’ private jet ‘controversy’. But the royal travel scandal takes off again when we learn the budget airline flies two empty planes to pick up William, Kate Middleton and the kids. Prince George finds himself the subject of debate as a US TV host mocks his ballet lessons, while the Queen gets into a tailspin over the US Presidential helicopter’s scorch marks on her palace lawn. Elsewhere, Meghan Markle attempts to distract from the turbulence with a sneak peek of her SmartWorks collection and an assembly of all-female staff, and the Sussexes’ starry pals call out ‘racist bullies’. We discuss the Queen’s “August horribilis” and whether the monarchy can survive Prince Andrew’s oversized baggage, and unpack his mealy-mouthed new statement about his friendship with Jeffrey Epstein.

It looks like the sh*t is about to hit the fan for Prince Andrew — but the Queen is standing by him, and Fergie is on hand to whisk him away for a ‘romantic holiday’. Are we about to see a (re)marriage of convenience to distract from a very inconvenient sex trafficking scandal? Elsewhere, Meghan Markle and Prince Harry have flown into controversy when taking Archie on his first holiday. Madame Tussauds tried it with a publicity stunt to split up the Sussexes’ waxworks, while we try out the bakery Meghan highlighted in her guest-edited issue of Vogue, and consider whether Meghan used the magazine to lay claim to specific charitable causes for the Sussex Royal Foundation. And finally, in anticipation of The Crown season three, we present the Tigys, a very special segment celebrating our most and least favourite royal film and television.

We’re starting off with something a little more serious this week: news broke of Jeffrey Epstein’s death as Prince Andrew and Fergie joined the Queen and Prince Philip in Balmoral. Oh, to be a bat on the wall at that dinner table… We’re also talking about Prince Harry’s latest crime — pedicures — while Meghan Markle gears up to go all trout on her summer holiday in Scotland. Elsewhere, Kate Middleton and Prince William battle it out in a yacht race, cheered on by Prince George, the pirate king, and Princess Charlotte, who has a new signature move. Finally, we’ve got an update on the Turnip Toffs’ “code of omertà” over the rumoured affair between Will and Rose Hanbury, the Marchioness of Cholmondeley.

We thought this would be a quiet week, but boy, were we wrong! Meghan Markle gave us all an early birthday present in the form of her guest-edited September issue of British Vogue, full of wellness tips, food analogies and a favourite poem. While we looked to the stars for a read on Meghan’s future, everyone from Prince William and Kate Middleton to Prince Andrew took to Instagram on Sunday with an outpouring of (main feed!) birthday wishes for Meghan, and none more charmingly than Prince Harry. The Queen probably didn’t press post herself, though, as she was keeping busy in Balmoral inspecting the troops’... sandwiches. Join us this week for a deep dive into Meghan’s first royal writing assignment, and a sneak peek at what her second might be.

It’s not all roses for the Cambridges — as the Marchioness of Cholmondeley is named one of the most “socially powerful” people in the UK, we go on the ground at her Norfolk home, Houghton Hall, to find out how deep the Cholmondeleys’ royal connection goes. Prince William and Kate Middleton continue to dispel the affair rumours on an idyllic family holiday, and make a bizarre statement about Kate’s alleged ‘baby Botox’. We’ve got new birthday portraits of Prince George, who has been working his magic with a society of wizards, while Prince Harry demonstrates a chimp greeting and charms the children of Sheffield. In Windsor, meanwhile, an “overprotective” palace official releases a list of dos and don’ts for Meghan Markle and Prince Harry’s neighbours, and we discuss what the Queen is allegedly gifting Meghan for her upcoming birthday.