What does the band For King and Country have in common with the Christian vocalist Rebecca St. James? They are all Helen Smallbone’s children, and she’s with us today on Pardon the Mess. Helen Smallbone and her husband moved from Australia to Nashville with their seven children, hoping for a new beginning after literally losing everything financially. Once they arrived in the US, their family was forced to start over in all respects, working together to put food on the table and rebuild their lives from the ground up. All of the Smallbone children are grown now, giving Helen a wonderful perspective on raising kids. I loved her thoughts on the importance of fixing bad attitudes in children and not just focusing on their behavior. She also had a great word on the priority of building lasting relationships with our kids, especially when it’s so tempting to focus on the temporary things that can easily fill our days. And her thoughts on taking a parental time-out to pray for the Lord’s guidance . . . well, that was definitely a word I needed to hear. Helen Smallbone is another fun interview from our Nashville series, and I can’t wait for you to hear her great parenting wisdom! Get your Advent devo today: https://raisedonors.com/christianparenting/advent-podcast

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Rockstar Parenting with Helen Smallbone

As parents, we know raising kids is the opposite of neat and tidy. Each day brings wins, losses and valuable lessons. Pardon the Mess is a place where we discuss parenting and faith in a biblical, approachable and relatable way. We may cry and laugh while we learn and grow together in our beautiful mess. Pardon the Mess is a part of the Christian Parenting Podcast Network. To find practical and spiritual advice to help you grow into the parent you want to be visit www.ChristianParenting.org

Kids & Family

Parenting

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.” —Philippians 2:3–4   We’re raising kids in a culture that basks in recognition and praise, making it difficult to strike the balance of teaching our kids to be confident in their God-given identity while also exuding a humble spirit. Humility is not ignoring their giftings, but it’s teaching them to be willing to use them in a way that draws attention to the Giver of the gift rather than the gift itself. Humility is also not a call to raise silent or passive kids. Rather, it’s teaching them a quiet and meek spirit before God.   Jesus is the perfect model of humility. He came to earth in the form of a baby and lived a blameless life so he could die on the cross and give us new life. He more than deserved recognition and acknowledgment for his heavenly status, yet he chose to demonstrate humility because of his commitment to the Father’s will and the larger gospel story. He was righteously indignant when necessary but gentle and loving in leading his flock.   We’re praying this week for our kids to humbly serve others, admitting their mistakes, and recognizing that all praise and glory belongs to the Lord as the giver of all good gifts (James 1:17). Let’s also ask the Lord to guide them in being passionate and outspoken when appropriate, but also disciplined enough to be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger (James 1:19).   Lord, you’re the perfect model of living humbly while making a kingdom impact on those around you. Give [name] a spirit of humility and the desire to bring you glory, even when it comes with no acknowledgment. Help them to honor others above themselves and to live in your confidence so they don’t need praise or acceptance from others.   God’s word speaks: Ephesians 4:2; Romans 12:16; James 4:10; Colossians 3:12

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BONUS: Marked by Humility

Do you have regrets as a parent? We all do! I have a long list myself. I thought it would be encouraging and super helpful for me to share just a few of my own regrets in the last 17 years of parenting. I asked Kari Kampakis to share her own regrets in this podcast episode.  
 I have always loved Kari’s relatable and authenticity as a writer, podcaster and speaker. When I read her encouragement for moms - I feel like she has read my mind. She has a real gift for walking with moms so that we feel so seen. When you encounter Kari, you feel uplifted and equipped but never condemned or shamed.  
 My favorite part is when she shares about how to love strong-willed children well. She shares a powerful story of how her husband approached her strong-willed daughter vs her approach. There’s such humility that pours from Kari when she speaks. It gives us all the permission to be honest about our mistakes. And to have the courage to pivot as we discover a better way.  
 In this episode we chat about: Raising strong-willed kidsHow to decide if you should have another childHow to make health a priority in your home from the start
 00:00 Introduction and Getting to Know Each Other 06:21 Parenting the Heart vs. Focusing on Behavior 13:05 Finding Joy in Every Season of Parenthood 29:39 Trusting God to Fill in the Gaps in Parenting 35:56 Delaying Cell Phone Use and Monitoring Social Media 
 Connect with Pardon The Mess: Christian Parenting Pardon The Mess  Courtney DeFeo 
 Resources from today’s show: KariKampakis.com Kari’s book: Love Her Well Kari’s book: More Than a Mom 


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Confession Time: 3 Parenting Regrets with Kari Kampakis

“Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize.” —1 Corinthians 9:24   The Christian life is more like a marathon than a sprint, requiring significant endurance if we’re going to make it through the obstacles we face along the way. From the day we accept Christ until we see him face-to-face, we’re continually building up endurance so we can best run the race set out for us.   Having endurance in the context of our faith means we’re always in training mode, getting ready for the hard places of discouragement and suffering that will challenge our readiness for the race. We build up our endurance practically by staying true to the basics: things like spending daily time with God, finding Christian community, memorizing Scripture, and seeking discipleship.   What a GIFT to have author and speaker (and track coach) Dorina Gilmore-Young on with us chatting about endurance. I absolutely loved her perspective as a widow, mom and coach - how endurance is something God produces in our kids through trials. We can pray for that process - that they may endure life’s hardships with Jesus as their strength.   Let’s challenge our kids to run well so they will hear Jesus say at the finish line, “Well done, my good and faithful servant” (Matthew 25:23).   Lord, before you created even one of us, you set us apart for your purposes. Give [name] the endurance to run the race you have planned for their life. Help them to stay the course when they run up against obstacles along the way, reminding them of the importance of putting in the daily work so they are prepared for anything they face. 
 God’s word speaks: Philippians 3:14; Romans 5:3–4; 2 Timothy 4:7; Hebrews 10:36

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BONUS: Marked by Endurance

Pardon the Mess is sponsored by BetterHelp. 
 Are you struggling with where your child should go to school? This common fear and worry can grip us all. We want so desperately to make the right choice for each of our kids. It can also be confusing when your friends all have different opinions on the matter or maybe your spouse is in disagreement with your plan.  
 You will feel extremely encouraged by today’s episode with Terry Ann Kelly. She has practical advice for these decisions as well as grounding truths to calm our hearts. She is a grandmother, wife and mom and has many years of experience with schools. As the founder of Students Standing Strong, she has seen first hand that God can do anything with any child and any school. 
 My favorite part is the story she shares about her son at the end. It is so refreshing to hear a very personal example of how God can use each of our kids in the most powerful ways at school every day.  
 In this episode we chat about: How to seek God in tough school decisionsHow to bring your faith into the public school settingHow to call your kiddos higher in loving their classmates
 Enjoy! 
 Connect with Pardon The Mess: Christian Parenting Pardon The Mess  Courtney DeFeo 
 Resources from today’s show: Students Standing Strong Moms, Dads, and Grads Gift Guide 
 Pardon the Mess is sponsored by BetterHelp. 
 


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Is private school better than public school? With Terry Ann Kelly

“Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.” —1 Peter 4:10   As we wrap up the greatest commandment, we’re focused on how to love God with all of our strength. Contrary to how it sounds, loving God with all of our strength is not a reference to our physical strength. The Hebrew word used for strength in the context of the greatest commandment is me’od, which is translated as “much” or “very.” Loving God with all of our strength is loving God with our “much-ness.” It’s using our possessions, our time, our talents, our parenting, our volunteering—everything we’ve got—to love God and live for him. Said differently, wherever the Lord has planted you and with whatever resources he’s provided, use all your strength to love him smack-dab in the middle of it all. As we pray for our kids to love God with all of their strength, we’re praying that they use all of their party-planning skills, math aptitude, athleticism, and social media acumen for God’s greatest glory. It’s taking the seemingly small places in their life and asking the Lord to use it in every possible way for his bigger purposes. Spend time this week asking the Lord to use your kids’ gifts to bring God glory. Pray that he uses them for his greater purposes right where he has them, teaching them to love the Lord with all of their much-ness and strength. Lord, thank you for all the gifts and talents you’ve given our family. I pray that you will guide my children to use these gifts generously for your glory. With all of the much-ness you’ve given [name], remind them to serve those around them as they learn to love you with all of their strength.    God’s word speaks: Hebrews 13:16; Proverbs 11:24–25; Deuteronomy 16:17; Colossians 3:23

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Rockstar Parenting with Helen Smallbone

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