By Courtney DeFeo and Christian Parenting
As parents, we know raising kids is the opposite of neat and tidy. Each day brings wins, losses and valuable lessons. Pardon the Mess is a place where we discuss parenting and faith in a biblical,
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The podcast currently has 550 episodes available.
My friend, Heather MacFayden, is a mom of four boys and I am a mom of two girls. We have two very different (but equally enjoyable) parenting experiences. We are both podcasters, but we are also real life friends. We have had many conversations over the last 10 years about the unique differences between raising boys and girls.
We decided to take our offline conversations online for you! Part 1 is over at her podcast, Don’t Mom Alone - Boys vs Girls (Part 1): The Early Years. And today, you will hear Part 2 which is all about the dating years. We even get into the anxiety that comes with dances like homecoming and prom.
I learned several things from Heather about how boys are feeling during these dating years. After our chat, I immediately went and talked to the girls about how the guys may feel used at times. They are more than a prop in a photo. I was encouraged to hear that her boys want deep conversations and interesting girls.
My goal for this conversation was to grow our understanding and empathy of the opposite gender - especially if you only have 1 gender of children in your home. Let us know what you think! What do you wish moms of girls knew about boys? What do you wish moms of boys knew about girls? Send me a DM!
In this episode, we discuss:
-Dating challenges for teens today
-Ideas on how to help boys and girls interact when curiosity begins
-How social media and phones are impacting the dating process
-Seeing behind the homecoming drama - what is going on with each gender
Enjoy!
Courtney
(02:00) Empathy in Parenting: Boys vs. Girls
(04:04) The Challenges of Modern Dating
(10:05) Navigating Social Events and Relationships
(18:08) The Impact of Social Media on Dating Dynamics
(20:21) The Pressure of Appearances in Relationships
(21:06) Navigating Modesty and Self-Confidence
(22:38) The Emotional Impact of Rejection
(23:52) Social Media's Role in Self-Perception
(24:40) Understanding Boys' Perspectives on Relationships
(25:45) The Importance of Communication and Planning
(27:39) The Dynamics of Dating and Social Expectations
(29:52) Boys' Leadership in Social Situations
(32:11) The Cost of Social Events and Expectations
(33:34) Teaching Boys About Respect and Kindness
(35:27) Building Confidence in Girls
(37:53) Encouraging Individuality in a Conformist Culture
(39:55) A Prayer for Our Children
Connect with Pardon The Mess:
Christian Parenting
Pardon The Mess
Courtney DeFeo
Get your 2024-2025 prayer journal, A Life of Faith
Christian Parenting Christmas Gift Guide
Resources from today’s show:
HeatherMacFadyen.com
Don’t Mom Alone Podcast
The Best Christmas Pageant Ever
Pardon The Mess is a part of the Christian Parenting Podcast Network. For more information visit www.ChristianParenting.org
“As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend” (Proverbs 27:17 NLT)
Godly friends make us better, not out of shame or peer pressure, but out of a desire to see us faithful to God and pursuing his will for our lives. Godly friends know that God wants more for us than what the world has to offer, and so they will push us in that direction when we start to veer from the path.
Who our kids hang out with is important, iron sharpens iron and bad company corrupts character (1 Corinthians 15:33). Godly friends will help our kids grow in their faith and keep them accountable. Ungodly friends will bring them further and further from God’s truth.
So this week, let’s pray that our kids will be surrounded by true, godly friends and be a light to the friends around them who don’t know Jesus.
Jesus, I pray that ______________ surrounds
themselves with friends who know and love you. I pray they would encourage each other in faith, hold each other accountable, and that their friendships would draw them closer to you. Where there is conflict, may they be quick to show forgiveness, just as you forgave us. May _____________ be a light to those around them, always showing what a godly friend is. Amen.
Pardon The Mess is a part of the Christian Parenting Podcast Network. For more information visit www.ChristianParenting.org
These two episodes with Dr. David and Amanda Erickson are packed with practical ideas for the little years. Truthfully, it can be overwhelming to determine how to discipline, redirect, manage chaos while not breaking the spirit of your child. I see a cultural shift from one extreme (punishing behavior out of kids and using fear) to another extreme - letting the kids run the house with no rules.
This couple has an approach that I really believe in - they combine child development with scriptural truth. I wish I had had them when my kids were younger. They focus on “what to do” vs “what not to do” which puts an upfront emphasis on your family’s values and expectations.
My favorite part is when they talk about how to take a biblical value like “trustworthiness” and live it out in the home. As you listen to this episode, I am praying you feel equipped and not discouraged. Their way isn’t a prescribed formula - it’s a parenting philosophy that has many benefits and ideas attached to it.
When my kids were little, it was so chaotic at times and I would get so overwhelmed at my lack of parenting principles and felt like I kept messing it up. You are not alone. Don’t give up! This work and effort will pay off.
In this episode, we chat about:
Enjoy!
Courtney
Part 1
(03:03) Parenting Principles and Practical Application
(05:55) Cultural Shifts in Parenting Styles
(09:04) The Importance of Early Emotional Development
(11:53) Building Trust and Honesty in Parenting
(15:11) Consequences and Discipline Strategies
(17:53) Redirecting Behavior and Managing Chaos
Part 2
(2:30) Understanding the Impact of Fear on Parenting
(6:33) The Importance of Separation in Conflict Resolution
(9:10) Timeouts: Purposeful or Punitive?
(12:10) Channeling Physical Energy in Children
(16:20) Teaching Control Over Emotions and Actions 5
(22:00) The Role of Respect in Parenting 2
(23:48) Assuming the Best: Navigating Disrespect 3
(27:20) Affirming Positive Behavior in Children 4
Connect with Pardon The Mess:
Christian Parenting
Pardon The Mess
Courtney DeFeo
Resources from today’s show:
The Flourishing Family - new book
Identity Simplified
The Best Christmas Pageant Ever
Pardon The Mess is a part of the Christian Parenting Podcast Network. For more information visit www.ChristianParenting.org
These two episodes with Dr. David and Amanda Erickson are packed with practical ideas for the little years. Truthfully, it can be overwhelming to determine how to discipline, redirect, manage chaos while not breaking the spirit of your child. I see a cultural shift from one extreme (punishing behavior out of kids and using fear) to another extreme - letting the kids run the house with no rules.
This couple has an approach that I really believe in - they combine child development with scriptural truth. I wish I had had them when my kids were younger. They focus on “what to do” vs “what not to do” which puts an upfront emphasis on your family’s values and expectations.
My favorite part is when they talk about how to take a biblical value like “trustworthiness” and live it out in the home. As you listen to this episode, I am praying you feel equipped and not discouraged. Their way isn’t a prescribed formula - it’s a parenting philosophy that has many benefits and ideas attached to it.
When my kids were little, it was so chaotic at times and I would get so overwhelmed at my lack of parenting principles and felt like I kept messing it up. You are not alone. Don’t give up! This work and effort will pay off.
In this episode, we chat about:
Enjoy!
Courtney
Part 1
(03:03) Parenting Principles and Practical Application
(05:55) Cultural Shifts in Parenting Styles
(09:04) The Importance of Early Emotional Development
(11:53) Building Trust and Honesty in Parenting
(15:11) Consequences and Discipline Strategies
(17:53) Redirecting Behavior and Managing Chaos
Part 2
(2:30) Understanding the Impact of Fear on Parenting
(6:33) The Importance of Separation in Conflict Resolution
(9:10) Timeouts: Purposeful or Punitive?
(12:10) Channeling Physical Energy in Children
(16:20) Teaching Control Over Emotions and Actions 5
(22:00) The Role of Respect in Parenting 2
(23:48) Assuming the Best: Navigating Disrespect 3
(27:20) Affirming Positive Behavior in Children 4
Connect with Pardon The Mess:
Christian Parenting
Pardon The Mess
Courtney DeFeo
Resources from today’s show:
The Flourishing Family - new book
Identity Simplified
The Best Christmas Pageant Ever
Pardon The Mess is a part of the Christian Parenting Podcast Network. For more information visit www.ChristianParenting.org
“Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near” (Hebrews 10:23–25 ESV)
Getting our kids to church can be a real struggle. They may fight you about it at any age (toddler to teen), it’s early in the morning and everyone wants to sleep in, and it can be hard to find a church community that meets the needs of everyone in your family. You may have been hurt by the church and find it difficult to trust a faith community again. If you identify with any of that, you are not alone in these struggles!
But we are not meant to do life alone and church is where we can find our best community. Attending church is also one of the ways we can get to know and experience God more.
The discipleship that happens in church is about relationship. There is a reason people often refer to their congregation as their “church family.” It is a place of encouragement where brothers and sisters in Christ can build each other up in love and spur each other on in faith.
So this week, let’s pray that our kids know and understand the value of church. Let’s pray that they will love the church and have a desire to serve with God’s family. Let’s ask God to help them love going to church and to feel loved, known, and safe there.
God, thank you for the gift of church. I pray that _____________ would love going to church, that it would not be something we convince them to do, but something they participate in out of love for you and your family. May they use their gifts to expand your kingdom and serve your church. Amen.
Pardon The Mess is a part of the Christian Parenting Podcast Network. For more information visit www.ChristianParenting.org
I couldn’t wait to have a chat with the founder, producer and director of The Chosen, Dallas Jenkins. Although that’s super cool - I also wanted it to be practical for us as parents. He was fantastic!
My kids are very visual learners and I am sure many of your children are as well, so I wanted to hear his thoughts on creative storytelling. Some kids cannot read the Bible and get what they need right away. They don’t understand the context around the stories. Dallas is a master at providing context to scriptural truth through his TV series and films.
This conversation challenged me to keep thinking creatively about how we infuse virtues, values and faith in the lives of my kids. It encouraged me to keep living faith more than I lecture about it. We know that much of life’s most valuable lessons are “caught not taught.” It reminded me to relax if my kids are more into movies, books, music vs reading.
My favorite part is the amazing God story behind his newest movie for kids, The Best Christmas Pageant Ever. It is truly extraordinary how it came about. I can't wait to take my kids to see it (with all of their friends) and kick off the season that is all about the birth of our Savior.
In this episode, we chat about:
Enjoy!
Courtney
(00:00) The Power of Friendship and Faith
(02:53) Transformative Impact of 'The Chosen'
(06:05) Family Dynamics and Sacrifices
(09:01) Creative Storytelling in Parenting
(12:00) The New Movie: The Best Christmas Pageant Ever
(14:55) Behind the Scenes of the Movie Production
(17:51) The Journey of Faith and Persistence
(21:00) Encouragement for Families and Communities
Connect with Pardon The Mess:
Christian Parenting
Pardon The Mess
Courtney DeFeo
Get your 2024-2025 prayer journal, A Life of Faith
Resources from today’s show:
The Chosen
The Best Christmas Pageant Ever
Christian Parenting Christmas Gift Guide
Carpool Conversations
Pardon The Mess is a part of the Christian Parenting Podcast Network. For more information visit www.ChristianParenting.org
“And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God” (Philippians 1:9–11)
Biblical discernment is understanding something through the power of the Holy Spirit. It means being able to see what is good vs. evil, false teaching vs. truth, wise vs. unwise. Being discerning does not mean being judgemental, though it is easy to fall into that. Being discerning means being able to distinguish the voice and will of God from the noise of the world.
It is so easy to accept what we see on social media, the news, or the internet as truth. But so often, it is far from the truth. Even our favorite Christian writers, podcasters, or pastors could share false teachings. Our kids are growing up in a world that is completely different from the world we grew up in. The access to information alone is overwhelming, which is why we need to be praying that our kids know how to discern God’s truth in the world around them.
Our kids will face peer pressure to do things that they know aren’t right, they will be taught to follow their emotions and desires over the Lord, and they will be told that there are ways that are better than God’s. The ability to recognize those things as harmful and untrue is a gift that we all desire for our kids.
For our kids to truly live in God’s will, they need to have a discerning spirit, so let’s pray for their ability to discern truth this week.
Father God, I pray that ____________ will learn to test what they read, hear, and see with scripture. Help them to seek your truth above all else. I pray that your word will guide their paths. May they base their life on your truth instead of the lies of the enemy and of this world. Will you daily renew their minds and make their hearts wholeheartedly devoted to you?
In this week’s episode, I have the honor of chatting with Reese - a college-aged friend that I adore. She bravely shares her testimony - one that involves abuse by a coach, a “not guilty” jury decision and God’s faithfulness through it all. Reese wanted to come on and share her story so that parents see that an authentic faith is often born from life’s toughest struggles.
When I asked Reese’s mom about this journey, this was her text to me.
“My daughter’s journey reminds us that God can use even our worst fears and redeem them. We can’t protect our kids from their testimony. God always takes what the enemy intends for evil for good. Maybe even their very purpose. Trusting him with their growth and process and pain. We were the parents with such tight controls. No sleepovers. No phones until HS. No ipads. Locked down YouTube. My control can’t protect her from everything.”
My favorite part is when she shares a story of how God spoke directly to her during some of the hardest parts of her story. It gave me chills and also great comfort. It reminded me that no matter what our kids face - they will never be alone. I can either get swallowed up with fear and the “what if’s” of parenting or I can make the choice to lean into faith and trust God has them. He has them in the best of times and the worst.
I am so excited for you to hear from an 18-year-old with a solid and authentic faith that wasn’t born out of a perfect life. Her faith is hers, it’s tested and it’s remarkable.
In this episode, we discuss:
Enjoy,
Courtney
00:00
Introduction and Background
02:01
Impacting Children's Faith
04:18
Overcoming Abuse and Finding Identity in Christ
08:47
Timeline and Legal Proceedings
17:06
Experiencing God through Visions and Dreams
19:28
The Table of the Lord
27:50
Encouragement for Parents
Connect with Pardon The Mess:
Christian Parenting
Pardon The Mess
Courtney DeFeo
Get your 2024-2025 prayer journal, A Life of Faith
Resources from today’s show:
Reese’s ministry - Abundant Grace
God Made All Of Me - recommended book for littles
Birds and Bees
Birds and Bees Episode
Untold - her favorite ministry in Africa
Ella’s purple dress from Amazon
Identity Simplified
Pardon The Mess is a part of the Christian Parenting Podcast Network. For more information visit www.ChristianParenting.org
“But Jesus told him, 'No! The Scriptures say, "People do not live by bread alone but by every word that comes from the mouth of God"’” (Matthew 4:4 NLT)
Reading the Bible and memorizing scripture matters because it is one way we can fight the battles in our own lives—both big and small. Scripture can help our kids (and us!) feel confident in our God-given identity, face a life crisis, and everything in between. Knowing God’s word also develops our faith and brings us closer to God. Every bit of scripture is alive and active (Hebrews 4:12), God-breathed, and teaches us to live righteously (2 Timothy 3:16).
The more we know God’s word and keep it in our hearts, the more we understand God’s heart and his ways, aligning our wills to his. The word of God protects us from the desire to do it all by ourselves and replaces that desire with the desire to let God direct our paths. God loves us too much to leave us to our own devices. He reveals truth to us through his word so that the desires of our hearts become more like his!
So this week, let’s pray that our kids will know the word of God and lean on it to guide them in every area of their lives.
Father God, I pray that ____________ grows to learn your word, love your word, and see it as holy and infallible. May they love the Bible and read it daily with the goal of knowing your heart more and more. May they rely on your word to direct their paths. Remind them to hide your word in their hearts so they can use it to fight any battle they face—now and in the future. Amen.
It’s an absolute delight to have my dear friend Lysa TerKeurst on the podcast today. Lysa has been sharing her deepest struggles through writing books, devotionals and bible studies for decades. She has a beautiful way combining biblical truth and heartfelt empathy that makes us all feel less alone.
In today’s episode, we discuss TRUST and DISTRUST. She shares that when you starve a relationship from trust - it’s like not giving a human air to breathe. I can imagine that many of you are working through some trust issues - we all are. Whether it’s a broken friendship or marriage or a strained relationship with a family member or dear friend. It can be really hard to manage the healing and repairing process for yourself and even more difficult when it involves your children.
One of my favorite parts is when she talks about the importance of healing in a community. She shares how natural it can be to isolate when you’re hurt - but trust rebuilds in community. I am praying this episode touches a tender topic with such encouragement and practical help.
In this episode we discuss:
Enjoy!
Courtney
00:00
Practical Wisdom and Biblical Truth: A Conversation on Trust and Distrust
03:16
The Impact of Broken Trust: Emotional Abuse and Betrayal Trauma
15:24
Triggers and Discernment: Patterns of Behavior and Self-Exploration
32:55
Resilience and Healing: Overcoming Broken Trust
Connect with Pardon The Mess:
Christian Parenting
Pardon The Mess
Courtney DeFeo
Get your 2024-2025 prayer journal, A Life of Faith
Resources from today’s show:
LysaTerKeurst.com
I Want To Trust You, But I Can’t - Lysa’s newest book
Dr Amen and Lysa - her brain scan
EMDR Therapy
WOW - root cover up
Pardon The Mess is a part of the Christian Parenting Podcast Network. For more information visit www.ChristianParenting.org
The podcast currently has 550 episodes available.
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