Here’s What I Know…

Here’s What I Know...About Having the Right Tools

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People love to say, “They just need to get a job,” “They just need to stop using,” “They just need to grow up.”

Cool. With what tools?

In this episode, I talk about how we learn (or don’t learn) basic life skills: coping, showing up, respecting people, self-regulating, making decent choices even when no one’s watching. We act like those are automatic, but they’re taught. By someone. On purpose. Over years.

And a lot of people just… never got that.

We get into:

  • Why “just try harder” is useless advice for someone who was never shown how to try in the first place.
  • How coping skills, consequences, self-control, work ethic, and basic responsibility are literally tools kids are supposed to be handed by adults.
  • Why some 22-year-olds look “lazy,” when what they actually are is unequipped.
  • Addiction, self-regulation, and why “just stop doing drugs” is not a plan.
  • The myth that people automatically get wiser with age. (You can be 55 and still have 12-year-old coping skills. You’ve met these people.)
  • Giving kids choices, not control — and why that matters.
  • The difference between “bad behavior” and “no one ever taught me how.”

    • If you’ve ever said “they just need to ___,” this one’s for you.

    Takeaway: You cannot expect someone to use tools they were never given. Have a little grace — and if you can help, help in a way that serves them, not your ego.

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    Here’s What I Know…By heathershampine