From time to time I have written that if you are single you should probably be dating. This week I want to focus on why I add that qualifier in there. Not every single person should be dating. There are a few important caveats. Here are a few reasons why some of you should not be dating.

These are all important and in no particular order.

You Don’t Know Why You Want to Date

Why do you want to date? What is your purpose? What’s the point?

A lot of times the reason we do things is simple and clear. Why did you get in your car? You wanted to get somewhere as quickly and comfortably as possible. Other times, our motivations are not as clear. Why did you eat that ice cream? Where you hungry or just needing the feeling of comfort and wellbeing you get from eating comfort food?

Sometimes it takes a bit of thought and a little detective work to discern our own motives for doing the things we do.

So, before you go out on another date, ask yourself why. Is it just for a little company or to find a spouse? Both of those are perfectly good reasons, but each requires a different way of dating.

Other reasons are not so good. Here are a few not so good reasons to date.

Validation

Do you go on dates just to prove to yourself, your ex, your friends, or your coworkers that you’re attractive and worthy?

You should not be dating. Don’t go on another date until you settle in your mind that you are an attractive person and a person of worth. This should be easier for my Christian brothers and sisters. You have the understanding that someone loved you and valued you enough to make the ultimate sacrifice for you.

Do the work to transform yourself into the best version of you you can be. Then, go on your next date from a position of strength and full of confidence.

Neediness

Proving something to yourself or others is a form of neediness. Neediness can also take on other forms. Do you date because of a need for attention, affection, or sex? If so, stop it. The people you go out with are people too. Never use other people to satisfy your needs.

You should not be dating. Don’t go on another date until you can date unselfishly. Instead of being a taker and just going out to have someone meet your needs, wait until you can go out with an attitude of giving to and being a blessing to whoever you go out with.

Pressure

Do you date just because you feel like it’s what single people are supposed to do? Do you date because it’s what you want or because it’s what your family, friends, and society expect of you?

If you’re dating because of pressure from others, you should not be dating. Don’t go out again unless it’s what you want to do. Dating should come from an internal drive, not an external pressure. Don’t let the pressure to date make you do something you’re not ready for or simply don’t want to do.

You Settle for Marriage Lite

Some people’s idea of dating is getting into long-term dating relationships as a substitute for or a placeholder for marriage. Either they are, or the person they are dating is, afraid to make a commitment, but they can’t stand to be alone.

If that’s you, you should not be dating. I have seen way too many people go through their twenties, thirties, and even forties going from one long-term relationship to the next and never finding t...