Home win for the English or away win for the absent French?

We’re back with a bang, kicking off a new season with a look at the lesser known, but still crucial, major battle of 1066: King Harold vs King Harald. Tune in for tales of sibling rivalry, a gentleman stabbed in a very sensitive area, Duty Free shopping in Shetland and Orkney, and the earl who missed his hamburgers, all featuring in this sizzling season opener. Warning: contains extraordinary tapestry related argument.

Why oh why couldn't they just figure the whole thing out with a game of football?

After several months of hard fighting, at the first Christmas of the First World War a brief truce broke out in the trenches. Fraternize with Fritz in the freezing cold and learn about the original Tom and Jerry joining together in harmony with no sign of frying pans or bulldogs. Warning: anti-Brexit rant will not be to everyone’s taste.

Righteous removal of a naval tyrant or brave attempt to establish Pitcairn package holidays?

Join us as we travel across the globe in search of an obscure fruit, a journey leading to mutiny, murder and death, all the time wondering why they couldn’t have just nipped to Sainsbury's instead. Warning: contains condemnation of leading rap artists’ historical inaccuracies.

Savage slaughter of peaceful men of God or good old-fashioned Scandinavian wealth redistribution? 

In 793 Vikings mugged, maimed, and murdered the monks on Northumbria's Holy Island, shocking western Christendom. Joining us to discuss the first Viking attack on a monastery in the British Isles is our debut guest expert, Dr Ben Allport, co-creator of the Viking age, a valuable online resource for students and teachers of Viking history, society, and culture. Warning: wearing frivolous clothing can cause a Viking attack.

Lads on tour or religious genocide?

With the People’s Crusade over, it’s time for the nobles and knights to have a go at retaking the Holy Land. These Latin lads know what they’re doing (apparently), and will suffer sieges, battles, starvation, and desertion to get to Jerusalem. Move over Holy Goose, it’s the Holy Lance’s time to shine. Warning: there’s self-confidence and then there’s willingly undergoing trial by fire.

Lads on tour or religious genocide?

It’s 1095 and the pope has called upon western Europe to recover Jerusalem from Islamic rule. As the knights prepare for this epic mission, Peter the Hermit and thousands of commonfolk can’t wait and set off for the Holy Land wholly unprepared for what’s ahead. But with God’s Holy Goose on their side, what could go wrong? Warning: donkey blood is not for drinking.

Three-headed monster devouring the republic or The Three Stooges in togas?

The History Hotchpod goes back to a land 'Before Christ' by taking a dip in the murky waters of Ancient Rome. Caesar, Pompey, and Crassus struggle for mastery of the Eternal City and its empire (Roman, not Galactic) all while trying to keep the plebs happy. Warning: features a severed bodily part starring in a Parthian production of amateur dramatics.

Early terrorists or the last honest men to enter Parliament?

Remember, remember the Fifth of November, gunpowder, treason, and farce. Listen in disbelief as a dozen Catholics conspire to blow up England’s political establishment, while simultaneously competing with the Westminster Palace ‘security’ forces for the coveted ‘Dumbest Plot Participant Award 1605’. Warning: spreading gunpowder out to dry in front of an open fire can be dangerous.

Turning point for Texas or just Hollywood Horsefeathers?

After angering the French for a couple of episodes we head across the pond and into the fray of the Alamo, an emotive battle in the history of Texas, Mexico, and the United States. We do our best not to upset all these parties as we discuss the reality of the battle and how it differs from Hollywood’s epic depiction. Warning: John Wayne doesn’t come out of this well at all.