This week we are serving up a four‑course tasting menu of foolishness, and baby, it is chef’s kiss stupid.

We kick things off with a woman who called 911—the emergency line, the taxpayer‑funded hotline, the “help me, I’m dying” number—to report that no one would sell her drugs. Yes, apparently the real crime is customer service.

Then we head to an amusement park where riders were left dangling 200 feet in the air because someone decided that the perfect moment to check their phone was while hurtling through space at rollercoaster speeds. Because nothing says “I value my life” like risking everyone’s safety for a blurry selfie.

Next up: an airport traveler who thought they could casually stroll through security with 59 pounds of marijuana on their way to Europe. That’s not a carry‑on, that’s a career choice.

And finally, another passenger tried to smuggle 31 exotic reptiles—including pythons and water dragons—onto a plane. Because apparently TSA is just supposed to ignore the fact that your pants are hissing.

It’s a banner week for humanity, and by “banner” we mean “the bar is on the floor and somehow they still tripped over it.” Who will be the idiot of the week? Let's face it, they all deserve it!

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