“Comparison is the thief of joy.”

“Jealous is a green-eyed monster.”

We’re so often told, subliminally and overtly, that jealousy and envy are emotions that we should avoid. But if we get close to jealousy and envy (and yes they’re slightly different), these emotions just might be teaching us something valuable. 

In this episode of Hold That Thought, hosts Becca and Taylor explore the origins of Jealousy and Envy and unpack how these emotions that we’re often taught to fear can be powerful in their own way. 

This episode is part of the Hold That Thought mini-series— Working Together: Elements of Interpersonal Relationships.

Key Topics: Jealousy, Envy, Yearning, Motivation, Evolutionary Psychologists, Emotions, Vulnerability, Evil Eye

Sources:

On Our Best Behavior: The Seven Deadly Sins and the Price Women Pay to be Good by Elise Loehnen

Choosing Wholeness Over Goodness: A Process for Reclaiming Your Full Self by Elise Loehnen

The Evolutionary Psychology of Envy and Jealousy

Robert Leahy || The Jealousy Cure

Sibling Rivalry, A History

Yearning: the ache at the center of our lives

Jealous Vs. Envious

Hard Won and Easily Lost: A Review and Synthesis of Theory and Research on Precarious Manhood

Evil Eye

Nazar: Energies Exchanged in a Glance

How can we be free and live together? What binds humans into a society?

In this episode of Hold That Thought hosts Becca and Taylor explore these central questions and other foundational principles of Social Contract Theory. They unpack how The Social Contract may or may not be the underpinning that dictates our implicit following of ever-day-rules. They take it back to the early Social Contract theorists and critiques of their philosophy, exploring what may be the innate human instinct to follow rules to protect stability and each other, while interrogating what happens when they don’t. 

This episode is part of the Hold That Thought mini-series— Working Together: Elements of Interpersonal Relationships.

Key Topics: Social Contract Theory, Rule Following, Philosophy, Psychology, Joint Commitment, Political Theory, Politics, Democracy, Pro-Social, Anti-Social, Behavioral Economics    

Resources:

The Social Contract Explained Simply

Psychopathic, Sociopathic, or Antisocial Personality?

The Social Contract Only Works If It Protects People

Evaluating social contract theory in the light of evolutionary social science

Prospect Theory: How We Make Decisions Under Risk

Study finds apes mind their manners much like humans
A Big-Picture Look at Social Rules
Social Contract Theory in Education: Rules, Rights and Responsibilities

In one of the most remarkable feats of the human brain we use language everyday to communicate, build relationships and craft realities using nothing but our own words. But have you ever stopped and wondered how language works?

In this episode of Hold That Thought, hosts Taylor Lord and Becca Havian explore the principles of language and language learning. They start with a quick primer on the neurophysiology, the machinery on which our brains code the building blocks of language. They walk through a new way of teaching language that uses these principles and discuss the power of learning a new language on our brain health. Finally, they chat about how multiple languages can broaden and change our perception of the world and give quick tips if you’re looking to learn as an adult. 

This episode is part of the Hold That Thought mini-series— Working Together: Elements of Interpersonal Relationships.

Topics Include: language learning, language, neurophysiology, linguistics, language research, bilingulaism, polyglots

You know the voices inside your head – the one that tells you you’re not good enough, the one that makes you check your teeth for gunk before leaving the house, or maybe the one that has an outsized temper tantrum when slighted. The noise can be unrelenting. But what if you could befriend these chatter boxes, our roommates inside our minds? Enter Internal Family Systems (IFS). 

In this episode of Hold That Thought, hosts Becca Havian and Taylor Lord explore the basics of IFS, a model of psychotherapy that helps us better understand ourselves by identifying and getting close to our sub-personalities or “parts.”

This episode is the fifth and final episode in the first Hold That Thought mini-series — Building a Home in Your Mind. Come back next week for the start of our second mini-series about connecting to others.

Topics Include: Internal Family Systems, IFS, therapy, mental health and wellness, identity, meditation, relationships, personal development, parts work.

Resources:

The IFS Institute

“What is IFS Therapy? | Intro to Internal Family Systems” YouTube video by Dr. Tori Olds

"The Huberman Lab" episode with Dr. Schwartz

"We Can Do Hard Things" episode with Dr. Schwartz

"The Untethered Soul" by Michael Singer

“No Bad Parts: Healing Trauma and Restoring Wholeness with the Internal Family Systems Model” by Richard Schwartz

Compulsively checking your texts to see if your crush has responded? Always waiting for the other shoe to drop? Caught between relationship labels? Dying to DTR? Been there!! 

In this episode, hosts Taylor Lord and Becca Havian explore the psychology of Attachment Styles, a model that characterizes types of interpersonal emotional bonding, trust and behavior. They chat through the modern dating scene to better understand how emotional commitment– or the lack thereof– may be impacting our bonding and behavior and they discuss why healing ourselves often means healing in relationship to others. 

This episode is the fourth in the Hold That Thought mini-series— Building a Home in your Mind. 

Topics Include: Attachment styles, modern dating, anxious attachment, secure attachment, situationships, relationships, mental health and wellness, identity, personal development.

Resources:

From the Cradle to the Grave: Age Differences in Attachment From Early Adulthood to Old Age. 

Adult Attachment Theory and Research - A Brief Overview.

Most women say they are finished with 'situationships', Hint App data shows. Cooperative Agency.

If you want the milk, buy the cow: A study of young Black women (Master’s thesis, University of Memphis). 

America Is in Its Insecure-Attachment Era: Discomfort with intimacy seems to be on the rise—and no one’s quite sure why. 

Attached: The new science of adult attachment and how it can help you find—and keep—love. Levine, A., & Heller, R. (2010).

The placebo effect isn’t fake—and it isn’t just “positive thinking.”

In this episode of Hold That Thought, hosts Taylor and Becca explore the connection between belief, anticipation, and healing. They delve into studies around the placebo effect and the lesser known nocebo effect, unpacking research that points to the power of the body’s own healing mechanism and discussing the power of belief, community, and ritual in treatment and health.

This episode is the third in the Hold That Thought mini-series— Building a Home in your Mind.

Topics Include: Placebo effect, nocebo effect, clinical research, healing, community, parasympathetic nervous system, medicine.

Resources:

Dr. Ted Kaptchuk TedMed Talk

Placebo Effects Beyond Dopamine

The Placebo Effect- Amazing and Real

The Power of the Placebo Effect

Dr. Lissa Rankin

Mind Over Medicine by Dr. Lissa Rankin

And, finally, channel your feelings of hopelessness, sadness and anger about the atrocities in Minnesota this week with action against ICE– see the resources below.

Support Minnesota Now

Call Your Reps! Demand Defunding of Ice Now

Though we’re taught that freedom comes from limitless choice, research shows too many options often leave us feeling stuck, anxious, and disconnected from what we want and our own intuition.

In this episode of Hold That Thought we unpack Freedom in a Box, the concept that structure and boundaries can actually unlock clarity and liberate us to make decisions. From adolescence to adulthood, from creativity to control, we unpack why having a “box” can help us take the next right step. 

This episode is the second in the Hold That Thought mini-series— Building a Home in your Mind. 

Topics Include: Decision paralysis, choice overload, boundaries, creativity, intuition 

Can Constraints Improve Our Creativity?

Structure and Freedom in Creativity: The interplay between externally imposed structure and personal cognitive style

Relating to Adolescents: Educators in a Teenage World by Susan Eva Porter

The Paradox of Choice (Why More Is Less) by Barry Schwartz

Why do we crave labels, and when do they fail us?  In the debut episode of Hold That Thought, hosts Taylor Lord and Becca Havian explore our cultural obsession with self-definition. From popular personality tests like Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) and the Big Five Personality Inventory to casual labeling games played with friends, they unpack the rise of self-categorization and the power and pitfalls of self-imposed labels in the search for self. The conversation also dives into the growing desire for formal mental health diagnoses, examining the comfort, clarity and limitations they can bring. 

This episode is the first of the Hold That Thought mini-series— Building a Home in your Mind. 

Topics Include: personality tests, MBTI, Big Five, identity, mental health diagnoses, self-discovery, labeling, psychology, culture

• The New Yorker: “Why We’re Turning Psychiatric Labels Into Identity”
• Poog: “Poison Has Its Place”
• A Third Thin Place: “Tell Me Who I Am” 
• A Third Thin Place: “Naked in the Town Square”
• Granted: “MBTI, If You Want Me Back, You Need to Change Too”
• MBTI Personality Types
• The Big 5 Inventory 
• The HiTOP model
• Why do you love personality tests?
• Mary Oliver: “Our World” 
  

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