What if perfectionism isn’t the high-achiever superpower you thought it was?
For high achievers stepping into bigger rooms, perfectionism often shows up as high standards, overwork, self-criticism, people-pleasing, and the constant feeling that you should be doing more. In this conversation, Cara Truitt sits down with Dr. Amna Shabbir, MD, NBC-HWC, CPC to rethink perfectionism and explore what happens when we stop demanding flawlessness and start making room for our humanity.
Dr. Amna Shabbir is a Fractional Chief Wellbeing Officer, Dual Board-Certified Physician, TEDx Speaker, Top Podcast Host, Super Mom and award-winning entrepreneur, with advanced training in Integrative Wellness, Performance, and Leadership Development. She speaks, coaches and consults on workplace wellbeing, perfectionism, and curating sustainable success as a high achiever.
Why Does Perfectionism Get Worse as We Achieve More?
Dr. Amna explains that perfectionism isn't simply an individual personality trait. Our expectations are shaped by culture, family, childhood experiences, work environments, and the standards we absorb from the people around us.
For many high achievers, every new room brings a new expectation to have the answers immediately. But growth doesn't work that way. When we believe we need to have everything figured out before we stretch into something new, perfectionism takes over.
Amna shares her own experience of moving through medicine, motherhood, and postpartum depression while feeling unable to ask for help. The pressure to appear as though she had everything together became part of what kept her from acknowledging that she was struggling.
Then her daughter came home with a 99 out of 100 on a test and immediately called herself stupid.
That moment forced Amna to look differently at achievement, confidence, well-being, and the messages we pass on to the people around us.
What’s the Difference Between Perfectionism and Excellence?
One of the biggest distinctions in this conversation is between perfectionism and excellence.
Perfectionism focuses on perceived flaws, hiding imperfections, managing how you're seen, and avoiding failure. Excellence comes from growth, intention, discipline, and a willingness to embrace the mess that comes with becoming better.
You don't have to lower your standards to let go of perfectionism.
You can care deeply about the quality of your work while still allowing yourself to make mistakes, ask for help, rest, and be human.
Why Are We Always Comparing Ourselves to Our Former Selves?
Perfectionism doesn't only compare us to other people.
Sometimes the harshest comparison is with who we used to be.
Amna and Cara talk about the pressure to maintain the same stamina, output, and capacity we had at another stage of life, even when our circumstances have changed. We aren't the same person we were at 20, and we don't have to measure today's capacity against yesterday's.
The conversation also explores the “tyranny of shoulds” and the “tyranny of coulds.” There is always another thing we could do, another goal we could pursue, another version of ourselves we could become.
Eventually, we have to decide what is enough.
The Courage Bridge: 3 Steps to Challenge Perfectionism
Amna introduces her Courage Bridge, a framework designed to give high achievers something tangible to practice.
Examine your intentions.
Ask yourself why you're doing what you're doing. Is the motivation coming from intention and care, or from fear and impression management? Creating space to examine your intentions helps quiet the noise around you.
Fail with self-compassion.
Failure is part of growth. Instead of berating yourself when something doesn't go according to plan, ask what you would say to someone you love if they were in the same situation.
Model your humanity.
You don't have to overshare or turn every conversation into a therapy session. Simply acknowledging that you have struggles, receive help, and don't have everything figured out gives other people permission to be human too.
That last piece becomes especially powerful when we think about presence.
Sometimes the person who changes someone's life isn't the person who gives the perfect advice. It's the person who notices them, listens, and lets them know they're not alone.
Why Does Presence Matter So Much?
Cara brings the conversation back to the heart of Hold The Room: attention.
Our attention is one of the most valuable things we can give another person. When we choose to truly be present, we're giving someone our time, our energy, and our focus.
Before you can give that attention to someone else, you have to bring it back to yourself.
That might mean taking one breath before you walk into the room. Pausing before you pick up the phone. Creating a micro-moment of connection with yourself so you can hear your own intentions before you turn your attention outward.
Presence doesn't require perfection.
10 Key Takeaways
Perfectionism is shaped by more than individual personality. Culture, family, expectations, and social pressure all influence how perfectionism appears.Entering a bigger room often activates perfectionism. New opportunities can create pressure to have everything figured out immediately.High standards aren't the problem. Excellence allows you to pursue ambitious goals without requiring flawlessness.Perfectionism often creates fear-based impression management. Worrying about how you'll appear can keep you invisible, hesitant, or afraid to ask for help.Rest isn't a reward for productivity. Rest is part of sustaining your ability to perform and contribute.Stop comparing yourself to your former self. Your capacity changes as your life, responsibilities, health, and circumstances change.Question your “shoulds” and “coulds.” Not everything you're capable of doing needs to happen right now.Practice self-compassion when you fail. Ask yourself what you would say to someone you love in the same situation.Model your humanity without oversharing. Letting people see that you receive help and experience struggle creates room for genuine connection.Become your own ally. Replacing self-criticism with support isn't lowering your standards. It's creating a healthier foundation for sustainable success.About Dr. Amna Shabbir, MD, NBC-HWC, CPC
Dr. Amna Shabbir is a Fractional Chief Wellbeing Officer, Dual Board-Certified Physician, TEDx Speaker, Top Podcast Host, Super Mom and award-winning entrepreneur, with advanced training in Integrative Wellness, Performance, and Leadership Development. She speaks, coaches and consults on workplace wellbeing, perfectionism, and curating sustainable success as a high achiever.
Connect With Dr. Amna Shabbir
Website: https://dramnashabbir.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dr.amnashabbir/
Free Resource: Perfectionism Quiz
What Type of Perfectionism Is Sabotaging Your Success?
Take Dr. Amna Shabbir's free quiz to discover what type of perfectionism may be getting in the way of your success:
https://dramnashabbir.com/quiz/
Connect With Cara Truitt
Website: https://www.caratruitt.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/caratruitt/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/caratruitt/
Primary CTA
What would change if you stopped asking yourself to be perfect and started becoming your own ally?
If this conversation resonated with you, share it with someone who needs permission to be human.