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Complex trauma reshapes how the nervous system experiences safety, attachment, and intimacy. But what does that look like in adult relationships?

In this episode of Holding Space, Dr. Barker explores how chronic relational stress and developmental trauma influence conflict patterns, emotional regulation, hypervigilance, and core beliefs about worth and connection. He also discusses how relationships can become spaces for healing through consistent co-regulation and repair.

This episode is ideal for clinicians, professionals, and individuals seeking a deeper understanding of trauma-informed relational dynamics.

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In this episode of Holding Space, Dr. Christopher Barker sits down with Dr. Bret Boatwright, a neurodivergent psychologist, talk about what it’s really like to move through the world as an adult with ADHD or autism. Drawing from his own ADHD diagnosis and years of assessing and treating neurodivergent adults, Dr. Boatwright explores how constant criticism, moralizing, and being misunderstood shape a person’s self‑image long before they ever get a label.

They unpack “rejection sensitivity dysphoria,” not as tantrums or fragility, but as the collapse that happens when a lifetime of being called lazy, rude, or a liar gets activated by one missed deadline or small piece of feedback. Dr. Boatwright shares how he reframes ADHD and autism away from “disorders” toward neurotypes—different, often beautiful ways of experiencing the world that come with real challenges in a society that doesn’t flex. He highlights both the pain (executive functioning struggles, masking, chronic self‑doubt) and the strengths (passion, deep focus on interests, creativity) that are often ignored.

The conversation also touches on gendered diagnosis gaps, like how many girls learn to “look” like they’re reading while actually zoning out, and why that leads to missed ADHD and autism diagnoses until adulthood. Dr. Barker and Dr. Boatwright discuss how adults who finally get a diagnosis are often rebuilding an identity that has been framed around brokenness, and what it looks like in therapy to shift from “What’s wrong with me?” to “What’s different about me, and how do I work with it?”

Toward the end, they introduce Damian Milton’s “double empathy problem,” a framework that suggests autistic–non‑autistic communication breakdowns are mutual and culturally based, not simply a “deficit” in autistic people. Instead of trying to make neurodivergent people more “normal,” they argue for changing the environment—offering flexibility, honoring sensory and social needs, and using language that validates rather than shames. If you’re a neurodivergent adult, a parent, or a clinician wanting more affirming, trauma‑ and difference‑informed language, this episode offers both validation and a new lens on what it means to be “NeuroSpicy” in a neurotypical world.

Connect with Dr. Bret Boatwright:
Instagram (professional): @neuro.divergent.therapist
Practice: @dipspsychology

Article mentioned on the double empathy problem (for listeners who want to go deeper): Damian Milton’s “double empathy problem,” : https://reframingautism.org.au/miltons-double-empathy-problem-a-summary-for-non-academics/

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In this episode of Holding Space, Dr. Christopher Barker explores how complex trauma reshapes the nervous system and turns survival mode into a way of life. Unlike single-incident trauma, complex trauma develops over time through chronic neglect, emotional abuse, instability, or prolonged threat. Dr. Barker explains how hypervigilance, emotional flooding, numbness, relationship struggles, and exhaustion are not signs of weakness—but adaptive responses that once ensured survival.

He discusses the biology behind survival mode, including the role of the amygdala, stress hormones, and the nervous system’s inability to fully rest. Most importantly, this episode offers hope: healing isn’t about eliminating the survival self, but about gently teaching the body what safety feels like again through therapy, mindfulness, and secure relationships.

If you’ve ever felt stuck in “always on” mode, this conversation offers insight, validation, and a pathway forward.

Interested in being a guest or have questions about the podcast?
📩 [email protected]

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In this episode of Holding Space, New Jersey licensed psychologist Dr. Christopher Barker shares insights from his journey as a writer, researcher, and therapist. Drawing on his early dissertation work with Native American children, Dr. Barker explores how culture influences emotional expression and mental health assessment. He then dives deeper into his upcoming book on how complex trauma can be understood through a relational time lens, connecting early attachment experiences to how we process relationships throughout life.

Dr. Barker also discusses the importance of language in therapy, the subtle ways counselors can empower or disempower clients, and the value of collaboration in the therapeutic relationship. From reflections on personal growth to continuing education and the evolution of psychotherapy, this thoughtful conversation offers rich insights for therapists, mental health professionals, and anyone on the healing journey.

Tune in for a grounded, compassionate, and intellectually curious look at trauma, attachment, and the ongoing work of understanding ourselves and others.

📧 For questions, topic ideas, or guest inquiries, email [email protected].

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Dr. Christopher Barker, a licensed clinical psychologist and host of Holding Space, shares exciting news about his upcoming book on complex trauma, written from a deeply personal and relational attachment lens. He explores how complex trauma isn’t just “big T” events, but also the chronic, subtle experiences of uncertainty, emotional neglect, poor attachment, and always waiting for “the other shoe to drop.” Through his own story and de-identified clinical vignettes, Dr. Barker explains how growing up without consistent emotional safety shapes our nervous system, creates lifelong hyper-vigilance or dissociation, and impacts how we relate, remember, and feel safe in the world. This off-the-cuff episode invites listeners into his writing process, his passion for trauma-informed care, and why even late-in-life healing—finally feeling an “all clear”—is still worth it. If you’re interested in complex trauma, attachment, EMDR, and how therapy can help rebuild a sense of safety, this episode sets the stage for a powerful book you won’t want to miss.

Questions or Topic Ideas? Want to be a guest? Email us at: [email protected]

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In this episode of Holding Space, Dr. Christopher Barker explores how complex trauma—especially trauma that begins in childhood—can fundamentally alter how we perceive relationships, attachment, and red flags. Drawing from clinical experience and trauma-informed psychology, Dr. Barker explains why people often find themselves asking, “Why didn’t I see that coming?”

This episode breaks down what complex trauma is, how it develops through emotional neglect, parentification, chronic criticism, instability, or unpredictable caregiving, and why familiar chaos can feel safe to the nervous system. Dr. Barker explains how trauma can make red flags feel normal—or even comforting—rather than dangerous, and how hypervigilance often points outward toward managing others instead of inward toward our own boundaries and needs.

Listeners will learn how attachment styles (anxious, avoidant, and disorganized) influence relationship choices, why chaos can be mistaken for chemistry, and how trauma responses like fawning, emotional numbing, and cognitive dissonance can hide warning signs. The episode also addresses how low self-worth and trauma reenactment keep people stuck in unhealthy relational patterns.

Finally, Dr. Barker offers practical, trauma-informed guidance for rebuilding a healthy relationship radar—reconnecting with bodily signals, slowing down relational pacing, learning what healthy repair looks like, setting boundaries, and seeking appropriate therapeutic support.

This episode is essential listening for anyone who wants to better understand trauma, attachment, emotional regulation, and why healing the past changes who we are drawn to in the present.

Questions or want to be a guest? Email Us at [email protected]

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In this episode of Holding Space, Dr. Christopher Barker (licensed clinical psychologist in New Jersey) sits down with Laura Carina (aka @natural_lau), a natural birth coach living in Peru, originally from Germany and raised in Canada. Laura shares how her background in birth photography and her own motherhood journey led her into holistic birth work—and why she believes birth is not a medical event first, but a physiological, hormone-driven process the body is designed to do.

Laura unpacks how fear-based cultural conditioning (movies, TV, scary birth stories) can prime the body for tension and pain, creating a cycle of fear → tension → more pain. She explains her approach to natural birth preparation: understanding the body, learning how birth hormones work (including oxytocin, endorphins, and adrenaline/epinephrine), reducing distractions, and practicing nervous-system regulation so the body can do what it’s built to do. She compares birth preparation to athletic training—like preparing for a marathon—emphasizing mindset, visualization, meditation, and partner support as key tools for a calm, empowered experience.

The conversation also explores the emotional intensity of labor, how unresolved fears or stress can surface during pregnancy and birth, and why supportive people in the room matter. Laura describes birth as something that can be powerful, connected, and even pleasurable for some—while still being intense physical work. The episode closes with Laura’s passion for postpartum bonding, breastfeeding physiology, and the “biofeedback loop” between mother and baby—highlighting how informed support and a safe environment can shape the birth and early motherhood experience.

Find out more and check out her retreat here: https://naturallau.com

Instagram: Instagram.com/natural_lau
Listen to her new podcast — Sacred Flourishing Feminine:
Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/sacred-flourishing-feminine/id1821026886

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/0HRjrK9leCYGJUAgr19Gu8?si=13U3fnyfREWeIpZM_AnumQ

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In this solo episode of Holding Space, Dr. Christopher Barker explores one of the most profound—and misunderstood—questions in psychology: What is reality, and how do we know it’s real?

Inspired by Daniel Young’s book A Trick of the Mind, Dr. Barker examines how the human brain doesn’t simply perceive the world—it constructs it. Drawing on neuroscience, psychology, and lived experience, he breaks down the difference between objective reality and subjective experience, and why most of our lives are shaped far more by the latter.

This episode dives into how perception is predictive and inferential, how language and culture shape meaning, and why shared communication is essential for mental stability, relationships, and social connection. Dr. Barker explains how mismatched mental models lead to conflict, why miscommunication feels threatening, and how shared language reduces uncertainty in an ambiguous world.

Using vivid examples—from metaphors and art to neurodiversity and social isolation—this conversation highlights how reality is co-authored, not individually owned. Dr. Barker also reflects on how isolation, misinformation, and lack of shared meaning can distort perception, a phenomenon many experienced during the pandemic.

This episode is a thoughtful exploration of how the mind creates meaning, why communication matters more than we think, and how staying connected to others helps keep our internal models of reality grounded.

Ideal for listeners interested in psychology, neuroscience, perception, communication, neurodiversity, and the deep structures of human understanding.

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In this episode of Holding Space, Dr. Christopher Barker takes a compassionate, science-grounded look at anxiety—what it is, why it exists, and how it can spiral out of control if we don’t change our relationship to it.

Drawing from clinical experience and insights shared at the Evolution of Psychotherapy conference, Dr. Barker explains how anxiety begins with a real-world trigger and moves through the brain’s fear center, the amygdala, activating the fight-or-flight response. Elevated heart rate, shortness of breath, chest tightness, and racing thoughts aren’t signs that something is “wrong”—they’re signs your nervous system is doing exactly what it was designed to do.

But when worry feeds on physical symptoms, anxiety can become self-perpetuating—creating a looping cycle that feels impossible to escape. Dr. Barker introduces a practical and empowering framework for interrupting the anxiety loop, reframing anxiety as a normal emotion rather than an enemy, and learning how to respond instead of react.

Using a memorable metaphor—“anxiety as a cult leader”—this episode explores why anxiety demands obedience, how avoidance keeps it powerful, and how skills from CBT, ACT, mindfulness, distress tolerance, and self-care can help you regain control.

This conversation is essential listening for anyone struggling with anxiety, panic symptoms, chronic worry, or the physical sensations that often accompany them—and for clinicians, caregivers, and anyone interested in mental health, emotional regulation, and resilience.

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In this final segment of Holding Space with Dr. Christopher Barker on the Road, Dr. Barker wraps up an incredible experience at the Evolution of Psychotherapy 2025 Conference in Anaheim, California. In this reflective episode, he shares takeaways from one of the field’s leading voices, Dr. Daniel Siegel, author of the groundbreaking book Brainstorm: The Power and Purpose of the Teenage Brain.

Dr. Barker discusses how Siegel’s research bridges neuroscience and human connection, explaining how temperament, brain development, and attachment styles shape personality from adolescence through adulthood. He unpacks Siegel’s “hand model of the brain,” explores the nine-grid model of personality, and challenges common misconceptions about fixed attachment styles — showing how growth and healing remain possible at any stage of life.

Listeners will appreciate Dr. Barker’s humor and honesty as he reflects on learning from psychology’s greatest minds, connecting with experts from around the world, and his excitement to bring these insights back to his practice and future episodes.

He invites listeners to like, subscribe, comment, and share their thoughts on attachment, relationships, and personality — and to reach out with questions or podcast topic ideas at [email protected].

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