It’s terrible…the story makes no sense – why doesn’t Mario Lopez just keep screaming at the top of his lungs that he’s been kidnapped by Melissa Joan Hart instead of giving up after thirty seconds? What’s the deal with this old pirate gun? Why is everyone in the movie a pervert? Why does – wait…oh, god. She’s coming back…and she’s carrying red, mink covered handcuffs! Please, for the love of god, HELP US!! This movie is terrible!!!

Ahem, excuse the crazy ramblings of Dave. He likes to pretend he’s been kidnapped every New Year’s Eve. It’s this weird inside joke that he loves to do. Anyway, I’m Madolyn, and I’ll be running things on this episode. I’m joined by fellow cinephiles and hostages - errr, I mean, "willing participants in this seasonal screening of a holiday classic", Dave, Mike, Jackie, and Ryan.

Topics of discussion in this episode include the surprising amounts of horniness depicted in ABC Family movies; we break down the art of making a fun-bad Christmas movie; and finally, we check in with an old Disney Channel mainstay as she addresses the controversial goings on over on her Instagram page.

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That’ll do it for this impromptu hostage situation / podcast recording. From all of us here at Apocalypse Video, we’d like to wish you a Happy New Year, folks! Here’s to another great year of movie reviews and bizarre, convoluted episode setups.