In 1997, 21-year-old Joshua Harris wrote a revolutionary book on dating. The book would go on to be an international bestseller and catapult Joshua into the Christian spotlight. I Kissed Dating Goodbye was embraced by the homeschool community and the Christian church at large, and continues to shape the consciousness of how Christians view singleness, dating, and relationships.
Lately, though, Joshua Harris has weathered a battering of online criticism from disenchanted Christians. Some have lashed out at Harris directly for I Kissed Dating Goodbye and others have set up websites dedicated to Harris’ “victims”. Many have called for Joshua Harris to apologize for what they believe was hurtful teaching, while others are applauding him for his stance and encouraging him to stand his ground. Harris has felt pressure from all sides to do or say something.
Are you ready to hear from Joshua himself? We’re discussing the book, the movement, and the new documentary being made where Joshua discusses the errors of I Kissed Dating Goodbye as well as where he thinks he got it right in this compelling and lively interview with Joshua Harris.
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What did “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” actually teach?
Published in 1997 when Harris was just 21, I Kissed Dating Goodbye sold roughly 1.2 million copies and became one of the most influential books in the homeschool and evangelical world. It urged young people to skip modern dating in favor of “courtship,” to guard their hearts against emotional attachment, and to reserve not only physical but emotional intimacy for marriage. For a generation of homeschool families it wasn’t just a book — it shaped how an entire subculture talked about relationships, purity, and romance.
Why did Joshua Harris apologize for the book?
Beginning around 2016, Harris — by then the former lead pastor of a large Maryland church — started publicly reconsidering what he had written as a young man. He heard from many readers who said the book’s rigid formulas had left them with shame, fear, and broken relationships rather than freedom. In 2018 he announced he was discontinuing publication of the book and apologized to those it had hurt. He explored that reckoning in a 2019 documentary, I Survived “I Kissed Dating Goodbye.”
What happened to Joshua Harris’s marriage and faith?
In July 2019, Harris and his wife, Shannon, announced they were separating, and the two later divorced. Soon after, Harris shared that he no longer considered himself a Christian — describing the change in the language of “deconstruction” — and apologized to the LGBTQ community for his past teaching. For many in the homeschool world who had grown up on his book, the news landed hard, and it reopened a much larger conversation about purity culture and the promises it made.
What can homeschool parents take from the Joshua Harris story?
This is where the Homeschooling IRL conversation goes deeper than the headlines. The point isn’t to pile on a man in a painful season — it’s to ask honest questions about what happens when we hand our kids a formula and promise it guarantees a certain outcome. Rules can’t do the work of relationship. Fear-based purity teaching often produces the very shame it’s trying to prevent. And raising kids who love God has far more to do with grace, honesty, and connection than with any single system. Harris’s story is a sobering, gracious reminder to hold our convictions with humility — and to point our children toward a real relationship with Christ rather than a set of guarantees.
Frequently asked questions
Is Joshua Harris still a Christian?
In 2019, Harris publicly stated that he no longer considered himself a Christian.
Did Joshua Harris apologize for “I Kissed Dating Goodbye”?
Yes. In 2018 he discontinued the book’s publication and apologized to readers who said its teaching had harmed them.
Are Joshua Harris and his wife still together?
No. Harris and his wife, Shannon, announced their separation in 2019 and later divorced.
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The post What Happened to Joshua Harris and ‘I Kissed Dating Goodbye’? appeared first on Ultimate Homeschool Podcast Network.
