April 02, 2023

Honey, I'm Home

https://3speak.tv/watch?v=nickydee/yeoqzyfx

April 2023 (!)

I did my absolute best to participate in #HivePUD but the internet thought it better I not post this yesterday for some probably good reason.

And, these days, I don't fight the flow quite so much.

I gave it a solid go but at around 10:00pm last night, had to concede I was beaten again and it just wasn't gonna happen. It's a long story and I'll spare you the gory details. this time

This is a quick update to say "hey hello" and "I'm okay" fisted fist bump because some good folks around here have been a bit worried about this journey. Sorry... I'm an artist. I'm not here to make you comfortable... I'm here to make you feel... and, I hope, think. 😬

Yes... it's been quite a ride but life's like that, at times, and I'm resilient and experienced enough now to keep on walking through to, inevitably, come out the other side.

As we do.

And I have now. until next time

I think.

Maybe.

Who knows what happens next.

These days I stay open to being open to the possibilities because I can't resist following my curiosity...

and I'm not about to change this.

It's not about making a point or anything...

it's a way of life.

Original image source

p.s. Thanks for being there, guys. Some of this journey would've sucked harder without the behind the scenes support from some of you. But the tough times are just as relevant and important as the sparkly times. If not even more so! So please don't be scared of them. And thank you again ❤️

"There is no coming to consciousness without pain."
-The master... Carl Jung

It's like a zombie apocalypse out on the road around here. An episode or three of "The Walking Dead". Love Zombies to the max but only on screen, to be clear, @riverflows.

I think, after COVID and with load-shedding to boot, many people are really struggling now. It's kinda "survival of the fittest" happening all over the place and most folks are pretty scared. Sh!t just got even more weird.

Or perhaps I'm still a bit naive and this is the way we humans "work". I choose to believe it's just survival stress, though.

It has, however, led to some interesting experiences and more learning as it does and, since I'm all into experience and learning...

I most definitely got what I wished for.

The last bit, however, was just plain tiring and a bit disappointing as "the best laid plan(s)" didn't work out.

Again.

And I was tired before that.

Also... my tolerance for sh!t was way, way down low by this time. So if you were running around looking for trouble and crossed my path then you got what you wished for too. Nice to meet you. ❤️

Now once-upon-a-time I would've believed some kind of force was guiding me to where I'm supposed to be...

but, these days, I'm not so sure of anything much anymore. The jury is officially out on this debate. All I do know is that the answer actually is (maybe) 42 and...

that where I was isn't where I want to be.

With some focus, and consistent effort, I've now made my way back to where I actually did want to stop and make a base camp last year, in November 2022.

Please check dates on headers of posts to see when the parts of this journey actually happened so you don't freak out for no good reason. And thanks for being you. Again.❤️

The Accidental Theory is an experiential multimedia story. It will not be consecutive because life and learning isn't consecutive. The way the journey unfolds, and loops back to past events to illustrate "learning", is a part of the "experience". Headings are important! 😊

I reckon you'll understand why I wanted this to be "Base Camp" when you see where I finally am now.

April 2023 (!)

*sigh... and I feel like I can breathe again for the first time in six months of traveling.
Can you believe it's been that long already?!

I know this journey might freak some people out at times.

So does life.

Life isn't always a bed of roses.

We all know this.

But we often choose to avoid or ignore the grittier side of life. Or even avoid change because we're afraid of some of the challenges we will have to overcome during the process. The thing is...

learning always includes some mistakes and a bit of a bump and grind, if we're lucky, or two. if we're extra lucky

I've reached a stage in my life where the fear of things staying the same really has become worse than the fear of change. It's how I lost most of my fear and made peace with the rest of it that I'm trying to share around here. That, in my personal experience, is what led, ultimately, to my "liberation".

A part of this is sharing what the fear was that I had to walk through...

to find the kind of freedom I've found. Mentally and psychologically, that is. Physically... well... I'm still trying to figure this part out.

My point here is...

please don't worry quite so much.

I chose this, remember? I chose life. I chose adventure over safety. I chose experience over comfort. I chose mobility over stability because I've spent most of my life living Groundhog Day.

Time is precious to me now. In truth it should be for all of us but I have the benefit/curse (your choice) of being reminded of this every day, which really does away with a f*ck ton of procrastination and messing around.

Personally... I want to live a liddle before I level up, please.

I left Noordhoek knowing exactly how challenging this journey might be without transport or financial back up. I made the decision to hit the road after a year of recovering and considering my options carefully.

I left Noordhoek because, eventually, I realised I couldn't go back to the life I once had in Cape Town anyway. Even if I did want to.

Sometimes we've just seen and experienced too much to "go back".

I wasn't really alive or living for many, many years in that town anyway, you know. I have to live like this now...

to really feel alive. I always did.

I don't know how else to explain it to you, other than to show you something written by a someone who'd simply nod in agreement.

And who has said it far better. again

The Artist and his Shadow

By: Erik Rittenberry

He is unfit for this life, this

unduly managed era devoid

of poesy and freedom, a time

of useless haste in honor of

the illusion of progress,

a life starving of life, a life

dripping with chains as dull-witted

bureaucrats and political

imbeciles run amok.

There’s something dark and peculiar in him

that forbids his full participation in

the blatant absurdity of

today’s world.

Even as a child he felt something

fierce was there in him — an unrest, an

unrealized freedom, something

shadowy but knowing,

a deep-seated primordial power

groping endlessly in the

apocalyptical night.

It’s still there, stirring in the

inmost abyss, this esoteric ghost,

this daemon, dwelling

in the shadows of the soul,

convulsing and throbbing like a

diabolical gypsy in the throes

of ecstasy.

He tries, at times, to wash it away

with morality and decency, bowing

down to the sanctified normalcy

of his fellow humans. But still,

it’s there, raging, taunting him,

hounding him, forcing him

out of the prison of SELF

and into the creative realm,

the destructive realm,

into the elemental kingdom

of existence.

It calls forth the spirit

into a higher dominion of being

and yearns for expression, this

enigmatic drive,

even at the cost of reputation

and alliance

and it tempts the body, the vehicle

of the soul, to thrive with

Dionysian defiance,

and it wants to flip over the table

of conventionalities and go to war

with all customary forms and

cultural norms.

It’s this archaic force that burns from

the most profound depths

of his being, an insatiable rapture

that coalesces the dark of the unconscious

with the universal light, arousing

the sheer realization of his

utter nothingness — the

true awakening.

He could hardly put on a mask and

endure the typical occupation, or

partake in the social games

of the ordinary, blindly acting

out his role on the stage of culture,

following the fashions of the

day, living uncritically as a

conditioned child.

Undefinable,

with no creed or title and a

fierce contempt for conceptual

reality, he’s in spiritual exile

from the place and time

he was born into. Terribly

alone among his contemporaries,

misunderstood

by an arid society, an

aimless wanderer, he is, laughed at

by the well-adjusted, their minds

chloroformed with low-grade

entertainment, their meanings

and desires built into them

from the outside.

The more emaciated they are inwardly,

the showier they become outwardly.

But he cares nothing of status

and spectacle or the unimaginative

interests of the bourgeois, so he

ventures onward

towards

an austere existence,

choosing the possibility of

poverty over pointless labor,

autonomy over dependency,

art over it all –

an unconditional renunciation

of a secure existence in

search of the sublime.

He’s in flight from the endless trivialities

that make up the modern world, choosing

instead to live perilously close to

the primal forces within.

His fate, he knows. He is doomed

to suffer alone.

When uninspired, the firm grip of melancholy

takes hold and he becomes the unhappiest

of mortals, endlessly sloshing around in

a cesspool of despair, nourishing

his apathy with whiskey and

mascara-smeared love.

But when enthused, he’s lit up,

galvanized, electrified, and his

heart is filled to the brim

with poetic rapture and the

forces at work within him

become relentless. He is

transformed into a mere

instrument of supremely

powerful forces,

consecrating and sacrificing

every fiber of his BEING to the

supreme task of

CREATION –

quenching the thirst

of a bone-dry

generation.

“O melodies above me in the infinite,

To you, to you, I rise.”

Orignal source

Now on we go, please. Send supplies - need money for cocaine and dancing girls a car to travel further afield; a haircut and other personal panel beating that shall not be named. Or not. I'm gonna do it anyway, right? 👍

Yep. On we go!

Fearlessly whenever possible.

And if not...

then on we go anyway...

until we aren't afraid anymore. ❤️ 👣 barefoot is best

@wwwiebe - Website almost done. Really almost. Almost...

Featured image mine: "Me and my shadow" - Pringle Bay, 2022 😉

Images edited with GIMP. Video made with YouCut.

...more

View all episodes

By Nicky Dee

April 02, 2023

Honey, I'm Home

https://3speak.tv/watch?v=nickydee/yeoqzyfx

April 2023 (!)

I did my absolute best to participate in #HivePUD but the internet thought it better I not post this yesterday for some probably good reason.

And, these days, I don't fight the flow quite so much.

I gave it a solid go but at around 10:00pm last night, had to concede I was beaten again and it just wasn't gonna happen. It's a long story and I'll spare you the gory details. this time

Yes... it's been quite a ride but life's like that, at times, and I'm resilient and experienced enough now to keep on walking through to, inevitably, come out the other side.

As we do.

And I have now. until next time

I think.

Maybe.

Who knows what happens next.

These days I stay open to being open to the possibilities because I can't resist following my curiosity...

and I'm not about to change this.

It's not about making a point or anything...

it's a way of life.

Original image source

"There is no coming to consciousness without pain."
-The master... Carl Jung

It's like a zombie apocalypse out on the road around here. An episode or three of "The Walking Dead". Love Zombies to the max but only on screen, to be clear, @riverflows.

Or perhaps I'm still a bit naive and this is the way we humans "work". I choose to believe it's just survival stress, though.

It has, however, led to some interesting experiences and more learning as it does and, since I'm all into experience and learning...

I most definitely got what I wished for.

The last bit, however, was just plain tiring and a bit disappointing as "the best laid plan(s)" didn't work out.

Again.

And I was tired before that.

Now once-upon-a-time I would've believed some kind of force was guiding me to where I'm supposed to be...

but, these days, I'm not so sure of anything much anymore. The jury is officially out on this debate. All I do know is that the answer actually is (maybe) 42 and...

that where I was isn't where I want to be.

With some focus, and consistent effort, I've now made my way back to where I actually did want to stop and make a base camp last year, in November 2022.

Please check dates on headers of posts to see when the parts of this journey actually happened so you don't freak out for no good reason. And thanks for being you. Again.❤️

I reckon you'll understand why I wanted this to be "Base Camp" when you see where I finally am now.

April 2023 (!)

*sigh... and I feel like I can breathe again for the first time in six months of traveling.
Can you believe it's been that long already?!

I know this journey might freak some people out at times.

So does life.

Life isn't always a bed of roses.

We all know this.

But we often choose to avoid or ignore the grittier side of life. Or even avoid change because we're afraid of some of the challenges we will have to overcome during the process. The thing is...

learning always includes some mistakes and a bit of a bump and grind, if we're lucky, or two. if we're extra lucky

A part of this is sharing what the fear was that I had to walk through...

to find the kind of freedom I've found. Mentally and psychologically, that is. Physically... well... I'm still trying to figure this part out.

My point here is...

please don't worry quite so much.

I chose this, remember? I chose life. I chose adventure over safety. I chose experience over comfort. I chose mobility over stability because I've spent most of my life living Groundhog Day.

Personally... I want to live a liddle before I level up, please.

I left Noordhoek because, eventually, I realised I couldn't go back to the life I once had in Cape Town anyway. Even if I did want to.

Sometimes we've just seen and experienced too much to "go back".

I wasn't really alive or living for many, many years in that town anyway, you know. I have to live like this now...

to really feel alive. I always did.

I don't know how else to explain it to you, other than to show you something written by a someone who'd simply nod in agreement.

And who has said it far better. again

The Artist and his Shadow

By: Erik Rittenberry

He is unfit for this life, this

unduly managed era devoid

of poesy and freedom, a time

of useless haste in honor of

the illusion of progress,

a life starving of life, a life

dripping with chains as dull-witted

bureaucrats and political

imbeciles run amok.

There’s something dark and peculiar in him

that forbids his full participation in

the blatant absurdity of

today’s world.

Even as a child he felt something

fierce was there in him — an unrest, an

unrealized freedom, something

shadowy but knowing,

a deep-seated primordial power

groping endlessly in the

apocalyptical night.

It’s still there, stirring in the

inmost abyss, this esoteric ghost,

this daemon, dwelling

in the shadows of the soul,

convulsing and throbbing like a

diabolical gypsy in the throes

of ecstasy.

He tries, at times, to wash it away

with morality and decency, bowing

down to the sanctified normalcy

of his fellow humans. But still,

it’s there, raging, taunting him,

hounding him, forcing him

out of the prison of SELF

and into the creative realm,

the destructive realm,

into the elemental kingdom

of existence.

It calls forth the spirit

into a higher dominion of being

and yearns for expression, this

enigmatic drive,

even at the cost of reputation

and alliance

and it tempts the body, the vehicle

of the soul, to thrive with

Dionysian defiance,

and it wants to flip over the table

of conventionalities and go to war

with all customary forms and

cultural norms.

It’s this archaic force that burns from

the most profound depths

of his being, an insatiable rapture

that coalesces the dark of the unconscious

with the universal light, arousing

the sheer realization of his

utter nothingness — the

true awakening.

He could hardly put on a mask and

endure the typical occupation, or

partake in the social games

of the ordinary, blindly acting

out his role on the stage of culture,

following the fashions of the

day, living uncritically as a

conditioned child.

Undefinable,

with no creed or title and a

fierce contempt for conceptual

reality, he’s in spiritual exile

from the place and time

he was born into. Terribly

alone among his contemporaries,

misunderstood

by an arid society, an

aimless wanderer, he is, laughed at

by the well-adjusted, their minds

chloroformed with low-grade

entertainment, their meanings

and desires built into them

from the outside.

The more emaciated they are inwardly,

the showier they become outwardly.

But he cares nothing of status

and spectacle or the unimaginative

interests of the bourgeois, so he

ventures onward

towards

an austere existence,

choosing the possibility of

poverty over pointless labor,

autonomy over dependency,

art over it all –

an unconditional renunciation

of a secure existence in

search of the sublime.

He’s in flight from the endless trivialities

that make up the modern world, choosing

instead to live perilously close to

the primal forces within.

His fate, he knows. He is doomed

to suffer alone.

When uninspired, the firm grip of melancholy

takes hold and he becomes the unhappiest

of mortals, endlessly sloshing around in

a cesspool of despair, nourishing

his apathy with whiskey and

mascara-smeared love.

But when enthused, he’s lit up,

galvanized, electrified, and his

heart is filled to the brim

with poetic rapture and the

forces at work within him

become relentless. He is

transformed into a mere

instrument of supremely

powerful forces,

consecrating and sacrificing

every fiber of his BEING to the

supreme task of

CREATION –

quenching the thirst

of a bone-dry

generation.

“O melodies above me in the infinite,

To you, to you, I rise.”

Orignal source

Yep. On we go!

Fearlessly whenever possible.

And if not...

then on we go anyway...

until we aren't afraid anymore. ❤️ 👣 barefoot is best

@wwwiebe - Website almost done. Really almost. Almost...

Featured image mine: "Me and my shadow" - Pringle Bay, 2022 😉

Images edited with GIMP. Video made with YouCut.

...more

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Honey, I'm Home

Honey, I'm Home