We have had Dr. S on twice in a row now, and every single time my DMs fill up with the same thing — where do I start with her, what was the first one, send me that episode. So this week I am bringing it back. This is the very first conversation I ever had with Dr. Sanam Shamtobi, before she was a regular around here, and it still holds up.

Here is the thing about this one: I came in with a breastfeeding question. That was it. I was six months postpartum, exclusively pumping with a toddler and a newborn, completely over it, and feeling guilty for being over it. And I left with a completely different way of thinking about mom guilt, identity, and why the mental load feels so invisible to the people we live with.

She also said the three words I could not say to myself. I asked if I was allowed to stop breastfeeding just because I wanted to, and she looked at me and said that wanting to stop is exactly the reason to stop. I have thought about that a hundred times since. If you are new here, start with this one. If you were here in May, it hits different now that you know her.

In this episode we get real about:

• Why partners are not clueless, they just need a different kind of direction (Dr. S literally makes handouts for husbands in therapy)
• The mental load, and why it is so hard to explain to someone who is not carrying it
• The "just a mom" identity crisis, and why the mom hat is less of a hat and more of a tattoo on your brain
• Whether dads love their kids the same way we do, and the biology underneath it
• Wanting to quit pumping at six months, and the permission I did not know I needed
• Matrescence, the word somebody should have taught all of us
• Why mom guilt will always find a new target no matter what you do

Momma, you can be completely done with something and still love your kid more than anything on earth. Both are true. Neither one cancels the other out. Thank god it's not just us.

Listen to new episodes of Hot Mom Sh!t dropping every Tuesday. Follow along wherever you listen to podcasts.

Follow me on Instagram: @theleahvandale

Join the Snatch community: snatch.co

Follow Snatch on Instagram: @snatchforher

"Top Tier Matriarch" — written and produced by Quantum Plectrum

Episode Production by KNWN

Dr. S is back, and this time we actually made it to the questions — which, if you heard the last one, is a genuine achievement for the two of us. I feel lighter every single time I talk to her, and I needed this one. We started with the question I had been sitting on for ages without knowing I was sitting on it: is it normal to feel rage toward your partner after having a baby, even when he is actually a good partner?

Her answer was yes, 100%, and it has almost nothing to do with him. So I told her the thing I have never really told anybody. After my first, I would come downstairs after bedtime — my husband had cleaned the entire kitchen, put every dish away, done everything — and there would be one dirty bottle on the counter. And I would see red. I wouldn't yell at him. I would just stand there unscrewing it, washing it, slamming the dishwasher, quietly hating a man who had done nothing wrong. I carried that guilt for a long time. Dr. S listened to the whole story and said: that's it. That's postpartum rage, exactly. And by the way, you are still postpartum at eight and nine months, which is another thing nobody bothers to mention.

Then we got into DMER — dysphoric milk ejection reflex — which we both had, and which neither of us knew had a name until we went looking. For me it felt like homesickness every single time I nursed. Dr. S saw three or four lactation consultants and not one of them asked; it is the reason she opened her practice. And when I asked what she would say to a mom who is postpartum right now, she said the thing that has been rattling around my head since: women will cry to their friends all day long and still never sit down and actually process any of it. We push it down with a fury.

In this episode we get real about:

Momma, if you have ever loved your husband and wanted to break a bottle over his head in the same five minutes, both of those are true. Neither one cancels the other out. Thank god it's not just us.

Listen to new episodes of Hot Mom Sh!t dropping every Tuesday. Follow along wherever you listen to podcasts.

Follow me on Instagram: @theleahvandale

Join the Snatch community: snatch.co

Follow Snatch on Instagram: @snatchforher

"Top Tier Matriarch" — written and produced by Quantum Plectrum

Episode Production by KNWN

Dr. S is back, you guys, and thank god, because you have all been taking my unhinged advice for months now and I am not qualified to give it. She showed up with barely a voice — her toddler had been in school for approximately two days and already brought something home — which is honestly the exact energy this episode needed. My son did the same thing to me. Two moms, both sick, both in it, finally handing you over to an actual expert.

I asked her the question I have been chewing on for months: is being a mom enough for me? Because some days I never want to leave my kids and I just want to be home with them, and other days I need something that is mine, and the guilt shows up either way. What she said about guilt — that the feeling itself isn't the problem, letting it drive every single decision is — rearranged something in my head. We also got into whether motherhood counts as a job at all (she has thoughts), why none of us have a village anymore, the toy rotation on Instagram that sent her into a spiral, and her hot take on gentle parenting, which involves a dad, an eight-year-old named Jimmy, a pond, and a turtle nobody did anything about.

And then producer Jess took the mic, and I am so glad she did. When Dr. S said she cannot stand "breast is best," Jess shared what it was like to hear that while her daughter was in the NICU for seven weeks and her milk never came in. Fed is best. That is the whole thing.

In this episode we get real about:

Momma, if you have ever loved being home with them and quietly needed something that was just yours, both of those are true at the same time. Neither one cancels the other out. Thank god it's not just us.

Listen to new episodes of Hot Mom Sh!t dropping every Tuesday. Follow along wherever you listen to podcasts.

Follow me on Instagram: @theleahvandale

Join the Snatch community: snatch.co

Follow Snatch on Instagram: @snatchforher

"Top Tier Matriarch" — written and produced by Quantum Plectrum

Episode Production by KNWN

This was one of those weekends where I genuinely don't know how I'm still standing. Bruno Mars, two sick kids, a three-minute nap that somehow ruined my entire Sunday, and by Monday I was Googling how tall Bruno Mars actually is instead of sleeping. Anyway. You guys have been sending me questions since I started this podcast, so today I finally sat down and answered some of them — no script, no notes, just me and my opinions, which come with a very large asterisk: I am not an expert, I'm just a mom who's figured a few things out the hard way (and gotten plenty wrong).

In this episode we get real about:

Momma, if you've ever needed someone to just tell you you're doing a good job — this one's for you. Thank god it's not just us.

Listen to new episodes of Hot Mom Sh!t dropping every Tuesday. Follow along wherever you listen to podcasts.

Follow me on Instagram: @theleahvandale

Join the Snatch community: snatch.co

Follow Snatch on Instagram: @snatchforher

"Top Tier Matriarch" — written and produced by Quantum Plectrum

Episode Production by KNWN

I finished her book ten minutes before we hit record. Ten minutes. I have a two-year-old and a ten-month-old, and this is the second book I've read in three years — so understand what I'm telling you when I say I could not put it down. I texted my mom about it. I told Laura she's my new best friend, out loud, on the recording, like a normal person.

Laura Clery has 26 million followers, three books, and a new one called What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Hotter — which, if that's not hot mom sh!t, I don't know what is. She wrote it over four years while her marriage came apart in real time, so it reads less like a memoir and more like a thriller you keep having to remind yourself actually happened to a real person. And she still made it funny, because that's what she does.

We got into all of it: the boundaries she didn't have, the ones she has now, why motherhood is the thing that made her brave, and what "hotter" actually means when it has nothing to do with your face.

In this episode we get real about:

Momma, if you've been quietly waiting for permission to be more than one thing at a time, this is it. Two hot moms, one book, no notes.

Join the Snatch community to get first access to new episodes, behind the scenes content, and so much more.

Listen to new episodes of Hot Mom Sh!t dropping every Tuesday. Follow along wherever you listen to podcasts.

Follow me on Instagram: @theleahvandale 

Follow Laura: @lauraclery 

Get the book: What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Hotter 

Join the Snatch community: snatch.co 

Follow Snatch on Instagram: @snatchforher

"Top Tier Matriarch" — written and produced by Quantum Plectrum

Episode Production by KNWN

My husband is back on the podcast for the first time since episode two — and back then we were smack in the middle of the hardest season of our marriage. This time we're coming to you from the other side of it, and Matt brought receipts.

We start with the aftermath of my first colonoscopy, because apparently I told him he was my hero, gave him full permission to "take his pick," and got very concerned about a cartoon character while still under anesthesia. Naturally, I made him relive the whole thing on mic.

Then I put Matt through my own version of the newlywed game — a list of questions I wrote down with zero warning to him. We get into his actual red flags (he named three, unprompted), whether having kids made our marriage better or harder, what moms get away with that dads never could, and whether we'd still date each other if we met today.

In this episode we get real about:

- Matt's anesthesia confession session after my first colonoscopy 

- Why sleep was the first domino to fall in getting our marriage back

- The unscripted newlywed-game-style Q&A 

- Whether having kids made our marriage better or harder 

- What moms get away with that dads never could, and vice versa

- Why I really wanted Matt on this episode 

Momma, if you and your partner are in the thick of a hard season right now, this one's for you. We were there too. Thank god it's not just us.

Listen to new episodes of Hot Mom Sh!t dropping every Tuesday. Follow along wherever you listen to podcasts.

I invite you to join the Snatch community  to get first access to new episodes, behind the scenes content and so much more.

Follow me on Instagram: @theleahvandale 

Join the Snatch community: snatch.co 

Follow Snatch on Instagram: @snatchforher 

"Top Tier Matriarch" — written and produced by Quantum Plectrum

Episode Production by KNWN

So this week starts with me bleeding through a leopard-print romper in the vestibule of Mission Barbecue, and ends with me making one of the biggest decisions I've made all year. Only on this podcast, honestly.

Solo mom weekend, day one: I somehow convince myself Target has “farting pigs” (it does not), survive a public period incident with zero backup, and still manage to have one of the best weekends I've had in months with my boys. Then somewhere between the leftovers and bedtime, it hits me — the thing that's exhausting about motherhood was never the mothering. It's everything stacked on top of it.

Which brings me to the part I haven't said out loud anywhere yet: I'm stepping back from SNATCH.

In this episode we get real about:

Momma, if you've ever felt like you're failing just by needing a minute, this one's for you. Thank god it's not just us.

Follow me on Instagram: @theleahvandale

Follow Snatch on Instagram: @snatchforher 

"Top Tier Matriarch" — written and produced by Quantum Plectrum

Episode Production by KNWN

I did a cute little shoot this week. Got my glam done, washed my hair for the first time in days, felt like I had my life together for about five minutes. And then I sat down with Tara Clark and immediately felt like the biggest hot mess in the room. In the best way.

You know Tara as Modern Mom Probs — the Instagram, the podcast, the book, all of it. She's been doing the good, the bad, the ugly, the real about motherhood since before it was a whole genre, and I've been dying to get her on since I was on her podcast. This time we go deep: identity, comparison, guilt, and what it actually looks like to build a life — and a business — out of nothing.

In this episode we get real about:

Momma, if you've ever felt like you lost yourself somewhere between the baby monitor and the group chat, this one's for you. Thank god it's not just us.

I invite you to join the Snatch community to get first access to new episodes, behind the scenes content and so much more.

Follow me on Instagram: @theleahvandale Join the Snatch community: snatch.co Follow Snatch on Instagram: @snatchforher 

Follow Tara: @modernmomprobs

"Top Tier Matriarch" — written and produced by Quantum Plectrum

Episode Production by KNWN

In this episode of Hot Mom Shit, I'm almost 10 months postpartum, a month free of breastfeeding, and finally starting to feel like myself again — libido and all. But it's not all good news. I'm also opening up about something I've been putting off for over a decade: getting tested for Lynch syndrome, a genetic mutation that runs in my family and raises your risk for certain cancers, after my mom's own cancer diagnosis back in 2014.

I finally did the testing, got my results, and yes, I have the gene. I talk through the spiral I went into, how I've reframed it, and what happens next, including my upcoming colonoscopy.

I also get into why prioritizing your own health isn't selfish, why it took an outside perspective from a life coach to make things click, and why I'm finally starting to feel lighter after a really heavy stretch.

In this episode I get real about:

Momma, if you've been putting off something for your own health because life just keeps getting in the way, this one's your sign to prioritize yourself. 

I invite you to join the Snatch community to get first access to new episodes, behind the scenes content and so much more.

Follow me on Instagram: @theleahvandale

Join the Snatch community: snatch.co

Follow Snatch on Instagram: @snatchforher 

"Top Tier Matriarch" — written and produced by Quantum Plectrum

Episode Production by KNWN 

In this episode of Hot Mom Shit, I'm sitting down with Alyssa and Becca from Stepmom Side Chats  and I'm not gonna lie, I felt so seen the second I found their page that I had to have them on. I talk about my step kids, but I've never really gotten into the actual ins and outs of stepmom life, and these two go there in a way I've never heard anyone go there before.

We get into how they became best friends at a tiny Christian college in Texas, how a text thread about marrying men with kids turned into a full podcast, and why their "Sunday Stepmom Secrets" confessional became a lifeline for so many women. 

Alyssa opens up about her high-conflict co-parenting situation and years in and out of court. Becca talks through blending two very different bio-mom relationships, and we get real about the stuff you'd never say out loud because it feels too ugly to admit. 

We also talk about what changes once you have your own biological kids after being a stepmom first and how to talk to your husband about his kids without it turning into a fight.

In this episode we get real about:

If you’re a stepmom, this is a must listen. Tune into new episodes of Hot Mom Shit every Tuesday and follow along wherever you listen to podcasts. Join the Snatch Chat community to get first access to new episodes, behind the scenes content and so much more.

Follow me on Instagram: @theleahvandale Join the Snatch community: snatch.co Follow Snatch on Instagram: @snatchforher 

"Top Tier Matriarch" — written and produced by Quantum Plectrum

Episode Production by KNWN