How Am I Still Alive?!

This week is the week to end all weeks, as it is the final, formally-posted episode of this podcast. We have had such a wild run with you guys over the last 2 years and cannot thank you enough for your support. We cannot think of a better note to end it on than with the final conclusion of the drunk dive on Andrei Chika-dildo. All that being said, sit back,  pour a glass, and for FUCKS SAKE, just stay alive out there because some days, that's just good enough. 

This week, pop the bubbly! Jess and Marci are ending this podcast on a limp-dick note by doing one final drunk dive into the most infamous, impotent serial killer in true crime, Andrei Chikatilo.  Try not to think of Robert Pattinson's splooge-face as we start off with Ukraine's version of Diary of a Wimpy Kid.  Sit back, pour a glass, you might be the smartest idiot in the village, but you are still just cult-candy.

This week, the meds are gone and the bitches are out in the horrific case of Dena Schlosser.  All this case proves is that husbands are dumb and Jesus may be a wine witch but he ain't any doctor. Sit back, pour a glass, and yeah... You're in a cult, call your doctor.

It's important to call your doctor as soon as possible if the signs and symptoms of depression have any of these features:

Don't fade after two weeks

Are getting worse

Make it hard for you to care for your baby

Make it hard to complete everyday tasks

Include thoughts of harming yourself or your baby

If you have suicidal thoughts

If at any point you have thoughts of harming yourself or your baby, immediately seek help from your partner or loved ones in taking care of your baby and call 911 or your local emergency assistance number to get help.

Also consider these options if you're having suicidal thoughts:

Seek help from your primary care provider or other health care professional.

Call a mental health professional.

Call a suicide hotline. In the U.S., call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255) or use their webchat on suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat.

Reach out to a close friend or loved one.

Contact a minister, spiritual leader or someone else in your faith community... Unless you're in a cult.

This week, we are keeping it suspicious and delicious with the infamous murders of spree killer, Andrew Cunanan. Marci is still hung up on murder while Jess circles this killing spree all the way to, you guessed it, FLORIDA. Sit back, pour a glass, and get a kitty cat uterus transplant because this is as about as extra as it gets.

This week, we take a short drunk dive into the failed rehabilitation attempts by the correctional system for inmate, Thomas Silverstein, a murderer who didn't start his killing spree until post conviction.  Marci stews over what could have been a 16-and-pregnant fortune while Jess channels Marci's 16-year-old emo eyeshadow vibes.  Sit back, pour a glass,  and even though we hate the watermelon wine there are sober children in China so sig it down!

This week,  there are no wrong turns when you have no clear destination in this wild case of twists and turns in the murder of Blair Adams.  Jesus is fucking Jess for Lent and Marci has concerns involving dragon dick. Sit back, pour a glass, and a fanny pack full of gold is how you know you made it in life.

This week, there is plenty of Royal gossip and rumors are spreading like Hellfire as Jess covers the infamous cold case of the Tallahassee Triple Murders. This is the case where Tallahassee lost it's blistful ingnorance and Marci loses her confidence in police investigators of the protocol-less, lawless 60s. Sit back, pour a glass,  and for fricks sake, LOCK YO DAMN DOORS!

This week the girls discuss witchcraft, cults and a serial killer with gigantic ass ears, Cayetano Santos Godino aka El Petiso Orejudo (the big -eared midget). Godino started his murder and masturbation reign of terror early in life and the girls are left with enduring question, why is it always syphilis? 

This week, Marci forgets her tolerance level and Jess continues the case on the infamous Investor Murders of Craig, Alaska.  We call bullshit on the most tainted of court cases and if we don't like you, we for sure will not be getting you a wedding present. Sit back, pour a glass, and just remember that your memory is shit but you will forever be haunted by awkward moments that occurred 20+ years ago.

This week, Marci can't handle names and Jess brings us back to Alaska with the Investor Murders in Craig.  It is a whole new hole, kicking it off like a saucy, gay-pirate romance novel that tragically ends with a crematorium on water. Sit back, pour a glass, and gets your fill of food, fucking, and murder because people give murderers WAY too much credit.