July 18, 2023

How Do I Know it is Time to Divorce?

29 minutes

This week I have my favorite marriage and family therapist, Brian Burns, on the show to discuss how you know when it's time to divorce, how to tell your spouse that you want a divorce, as well as determining what’s next in the divorce process. The episode is packed full of great information for tackling this difficult time in your life, and leaves you feeling a sense of relief by laying out the process to get you through. Tune in today to learn Lesa’s three steps to getting through the divorce process!

In this episode:

[3:48] Brian shares about his new podcast and what it’s about. [6:02] How do you know when it’s time to divorce? [10:18] Are there general guidelines on how to tell your spouse that you want a divorce? [13:42] Lesa shares her three steps of getting ready to go through the divorce process. [17:30] How to decide what you want your divorce process to look like?

Key Takeaways:

When you have a good facilitator/professional who can help you ask questions, communicate, advocate, to work through your divorce when possible. This will save you time and money. You’ll know it is time to ask for a divorce if you have looked in the mirror and gotten clear on what your fault is in the relationship, worked on that issue, and see that there is still no way to come out on the other side. There are exceptions of this such as abusive/toxic relationships. Creating a vision for the way you want your divorce to go and what you want your life to look like on the other side is a great way to set yourself up while going through a difficult time like divorce. Keep your children front and center on the decisions that you make, and use your vision as your north star.

Quotes:

“There's a lot of evidence or research that if you make it past the stressful years of raising young children and managing two jobs and a house, that things get better as long as you kinda don't destroy yourselves in the process.” - Brian Burns

“Divorce is a legal thing because marriage is a contract, a legal contract. But it's much more a relational, emotional, financial family thing. So it makes sense to get as much information as you can about how to navigate it from a relational standpoint, you know, talk to therapists or family experts or financial information from your own budgeting or financial neutrals. And then when it's time, figure out how the law will impact it.” - Brian Burns

Guest Bio:

I’m Brian Burns, and I have been practicing as a licensed family therapist since January 1999. I specialize in helping adults in the midst of relationship crises restore trust, intimacy, and communication. Whenever possible, I prefer to help couples save and strengthen their marriages or committed relationships. However, not all relationships can (or should) stay together. In these cases, I help the couple end the relationship in a way that is healthy for everyone, especially when there are children involved. I am also a certified mediator, parenting coach, and Rule-29 Neutral in the State of MN. This means I have the skills and experience necessary to help parents who are divorced to make agreements about parenting in a collaborative and child-centered manner. I believe that even though conflict and fear can bring out the worst in people, everyone has the capacity to be a better version of themselves, and that our children need us to give it all we have to be our best.