After losing Sam, I often struggle with apathy in daily life.    The question is, how can I wake up each day excited and motivated to get the most out of life?    How can I use this motivation to jump out of bed and start my day?

The answer is, I can't.   My brain doesn't work that way.    What does register and send a chill down my spine, however,  is the idea of getting to the end of my life with the realization that I never fully lived again after Sam died.    A catastrophic two for one loss.   One overdose, two deaths, Sam's and mine.     A regret that would be too late for me to undo.    

In this brief episode, I discuss how I want to look back on myself, as a much older woman,  and why I think this can be an important part of our healing.