In this Episode I discuss why it's important to indentify our triggers,  the really simple way to do so,  and how to use this knowledge to help us in our grief.    

When we acknowledge that our triggers are very potent and continuously have to be monitored as we heal, we can tap into the power of calling them out as we grow stronger over time.

Thanks for listening.

This past week was a tough one for me.   Mother's Day, Sam's 26th birthday, and the 2 1/2 year anniversary of his death.   

Unfortunately, we can't reset the clock when we lose a son or daughter.   We can't change the dates or the circumstances, and we can't avoid dealing with difficult reminders such as birthdays, the date of their death, and other celebrations such as Mother's and Father's day.   

In this  episode, I discuss my feelings about the week, my gratitude for Mother's Day,  and how I unconsciously tried to avoid thinking about the things that were bothering me until I was forced to, if only to release this episode.   

Thanks for listening.

Losing a child not only destroys our own world but it's very upsetting to those who love and care about us as well.   They often try to say and do things to help us out of our blinding pain.  To this day, I have so much appreciation for everyone who showed up for me and my family when Sam died.   I also understand that as humans, we show up for the people we love in the best way we know how. 

Unfortunately, there is very little people can say to help us during this time and sometimes, they end up saying things that are actually hurtful.   

When Sam died, there were things said to me didn't make sense or feel good to hear, even though delivered in good faith and with love, and that is what this episode is about.   

Today, I discuss 5 things that were said to me, each at least a couple of times when Sam died, and why they didn't feel helpful.  I also talk about a few of the ways that people showed up for me that did help very much.   

Thank you for listening.

I feel better than I have in nearly 2 1/2 years.   It's almost difficult to admit because I know I could easily step into another grief crevasse when I least expect it.    However,  it's very clear to me, at this point, that I will be okay.  In spite of the agony I feel on a daily basis, I am also aware how far I have come. 

In today's episode, I discuss 6 ways that I have seen my grief evolve and transform since Sam's death and why I think it's important that we acknowledge and appreciate our growth.

One of my biggest struggles in grief is my intrusive thinking.   I have largely been unable to untangle my grief over losing Sam and my own thoughts of self-blame.    The problem with this mindset is that it is unreasonable and it also challenges our healing.

Today's episode is about my experience with intrusive thinking, 3 reasons I believe it is destructive and unproductive,  and how I have recently learned to stop my intrusive thoughts before they take my time and energy and pull me down.

Thank you for listening.

We cannot tolerate our city officials simply giving up a certain demographic of it's population.   Mayor Perris of Lancaster, CA,  stated, in front of the city council, that perhaps the answer to the city's homeless crisis is to give them all fentanyl.    A big Purge.   He is talking about humans.

Is an actual mayor of a city suggesting that people like my son don't deserve to live?    We cannot tolerate this ignorance in the people we elect.   He needs to step down.   

I know the water around him is getting hotter but let's get it boiling.  Please pass this information on to anyone who has the power to vote in the recall efforts.    

Every city deserves better than this.   We need officials who care, not ones who hold disdain for our hurting people.     Hold Mayor Rex Perris accountable and remove him from office.   It's the only answer.

When Sam died, I felt no hope and no joy.  I felt like my life was largely over because I couldn't see past my pain.   

Hope is a complex topic when talking about losing a child.   Just What exactly are we hoping for?    How can hope make this better?   For a long time, I couldn't see it or imagine it but now,  I am finding it again. 

Today, I feel more hope and joy than I have since I lost my boy, nearly 2 1/2 years ago,  and I hope that this week's short episode of reaching a place I never thought I would be again inspires other grieving parents that they can feel better in time as well, if they are willing to take the necessary steps to do so.

Thank you for Listening 

One of the biggest burdens I was left with when Sam died is guilt.  When we hold onto guilt for a situation we can not/could not solve, it's unreasonable and can also harm our healing.

In this Episode, I discuss why we need to challenge our guilt and rumination with reason and logic by talking about 4 ways/reasons that guilt can harm our healing and why it doesn't make sense to accept it.   I also discuss 4 ways that I have discovered I can help myself when guilty feelings take over again.    

Fortunately, if we take the right actions, we can confront our guilt, lessen it to a great degree, and perhaps one day even move past it.  Thanks for listening.     

When I lost Sam, I was determined to live through my grief the way I needed to and also that I would never go back and judge myself for it.   I stand by that today.   Recently, however, I was asked what advice I would give myself if I could talk to the back then.   

In today's episode, I share 6 pieces of advice I would lovingly pass back to myself and anyone else who asked.   

I watched a special on the Vietnam War recently and I was struck by the similarities between those parents, the ones whose kids were sent to fight the war, and us, whose kids fought the war here at home.   (The war on drugs.)   This episode is about those similarities.   

Time doesn't heal all wounds, it doesn't even come close.   What time does is dull the intensity for those further removed while living on forever in those of us up close.   Before losing Sam, I had no idea how many people are so deeply affected by grief, now I see it everywhere. 

The many past generations of unresolved pain, especially that of losing a son or a daughter,  is something that I have never considered until now, because I didn't have to.   I used to feel removed from mom's of the past but this one singular thread, losing a child, weaves us together through all time.

Specifics don't matter when you watch your child live a life of danger that you have no control over and no ability to stop.  Unfortunately, epidemics and wartimes have negatively impacted the lives of parents and future generations since the beginning of time.

Thanks for listening.