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How long should you keep a friend? (Matthew, Age 7)
Hi there,
When I was growing up, my family moved about every three years. This gave us opportunities to travel and made us close as a family. It also turned me into a great letter writer and made me adept at meeting new people and connecting with people from different backgrounds. But I often felt envious of kids who stayed in one place and could keep the same friends for a long time.
“Best friends forever” might be the ideal, but, as I explain in this week’s podcast episode, there are many forces that can pull childhood friendships apart.
Please consider becoming a paid subscriber to Dr. Friendtastic for Parents! You’ll get a monthly coupon for $20 off the featured webinar as well as extra posts plus the full archive. Your support also helps keep the Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic podcast free for everyone!
Warm wishes,
Dr. Eileen
P.S. Scroll down for an easy-to-read podcast TRANSCRIPT, DISCUSSION QUESTIONS, and how to submit YOUR CHILD’S QUESTION.
P.P.S. Be sure to check out this month’s featured workshop on kids’ self-esteem, plus my new Full-Access Membership!
You might also like these podcast episodes:Ep. 133 - Can he be friends with people who don’t like him? (John, Age 8)
Ep. 129 - Kindest way to break up with a friend (Audrey, Age 9)
Ep. 127 - Friend wants space (Sloane, Age 6)
Do you love the Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic podcast?Here are three ways you can support it:
Send in your child’s question!!!
Post a review on the Apple Podcasts app or your favorite podcast platform.
Become a paid subscriber to help keep the podcast free for everyone. (You’ll get $20 off an online workshop each month plus additional posts for parents.)
Use your smartphone's memo function or an audio app to record your child's question. Hold the phone close to your child's mouth to make sure the recording is clear. Have your child state:
their FIRST NAME (or another first name),
their AGE, and
a BRIEF QUESTION or concern about friendship. (Please do not include any friends' names.)
Submit the audio file at https://DrFriendtastic.com/submit. I’ll answer as many questions as I can. (Obviously, this is not psychotherapy, and it’s not for emergency situations.)
Send in YOUR kid's question
Think-About-It Questions to discuss with your childFor a quick and easy FRIENDSHIP LESSON, play the podcast up to the end of the kid’s question, then ask your child/students what advice they’d give. Play my answer, then use the discussion questions below to deepen your child’s/students’ understanding.
Do you have a stuffed animal that you’ve loved for a long time? What’s its name? What does it look like? What makes this stuffed animal special to you?
How long is the longest friendship you’ve had? How did you meet that friend? What do you do to stay connected to that friendship?
What is your favorite thing to do with friends? Why?
What are some ways to show friends that they matter to you?
Some things are better the longer you’ve had them. Cheddar cheese tastes sharper if it’s aged. Blue jeans feel more comfy if you’ve worn and washed them a bunch of times. You may have a stuffed animal that you’ve had since you were a baby that feels and smells just right because it’s been well-loved over time.
A new friendship is exciting, but a friendship with someone who’s known you for a long time has a special sweetness. The challenge is making your friendships last. Take a listen.
(Music & Intro)
Hi there! I’m Dr. Eileen Kennedy-Moore, also known as Dr. Friendtastic. I’m an author and clinical psychologist based in Princeton, NJ. Each week, on the Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic podcast, I answer a question from a kid about making and keeping friends.
If you have a question you’d like me to answer, you can send it in at DrFriendtastic.com/submit.
Here’s today’s question:
My name is Matthew, and I am 7 years old. My question is, how long do you keep a friend?
Hi, Matthew. Thanks for sending in your question!
A friendship is a special relationship where two people like and care about each other and enjoy each other’s company. A caring friendship makes the good times more fun and the hard times easier to bear.
The tricky thing is that there are lots of forces that can pull friends apart. Sometimes friendships end because of a big conflict. But sometimes friendships end because of circumstances. Maybe kids get assigned to different classes or different teams, or one moves away. When they don’t see each other as much, their friendship is likely to fade.
And sometimes friendships end because kids grow apart. Over time, they might develop different interests, or connect with different friend groups, or just grow up in different ways, so they have less in common than they did before. This weakens their friendship.
Scientists have found that between one-fourth and one-half of kids’ friendships don’t last a whole school year.
So, the answer to your question, how long do you keep a friend, is: as long as both people feel mostly good about the relationship, they put in the time and effort needed to show they care, and they have enough shared positive experiences to keep the sense of connection going.
That means if you want lasting friendships, you should try to choose kind friends and also do your part to make sure your friends know that they matter to you. Be interested in your friends’ thoughts, feelings, and experiences. Spend time together. Have fun together. When, not if, you hit a friendship rough spot, assume that your friends mean well. Try to listen to and understand their point of view and also communicate kindly about your perspective. All of that can help your friendships not just continue but grow stronger.
This has been Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic. You can learn even more about friendship through my funny and practical books for kids: Growing Friendships: A Kids’ Guide to Making and Keeping Friends and Growing Feelings: A Kids’ Guide to Dealing with Emotions About Friends and Other Kids. They’re available through your library or wherever you buy books.
Parents, check out my online workshops for kids at workshops.eileenkennedymoore.com.
Never miss a post! Subscribe NOW!
The Dr. Friendtastic for Parents newsletter and the Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic podcast are for educational purposes only. They may or may not be relevant for your particular situation. I trust you to use your judgment about what’s right for your child and your family.
View all episodes
By Eileen Kennedy-Moore, PhDHi there,
When I was growing up, my family moved about every three years. This gave us opportunities to travel and made us close as a family. It also turned me into a great letter writer and made me adept at meeting new people and connecting with people from different backgrounds. But I often felt envious of kids who stayed in one place and could keep the same friends for a long time.
“Best friends forever” might be the ideal, but, as I explain in this week’s podcast episode, there are many forces that can pull childhood friendships apart.
Please consider becoming a paid subscriber to Dr. Friendtastic for Parents! You’ll get a monthly coupon for $20 off the featured webinar as well as extra posts plus the full archive. Your support also helps keep the Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic podcast free for everyone!
Warm wishes,
Dr. Eileen
P.S. Scroll down for an easy-to-read podcast TRANSCRIPT, DISCUSSION QUESTIONS, and how to submit YOUR CHILD’S QUESTION.
P.P.S. Be sure to check out this month’s featured workshop on kids’ self-esteem, plus my new Full-Access Membership!
You might also like these podcast episodes:Ep. 133 - Can he be friends with people who don’t like him? (John, Age 8)
Ep. 129 - Kindest way to break up with a friend (Audrey, Age 9)
Ep. 127 - Friend wants space (Sloane, Age 6)
Do you love the Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic podcast?Here are three ways you can support it:
Send in your child’s question!!!
Post a review on the Apple Podcasts app or your favorite podcast platform.
Become a paid subscriber to help keep the podcast free for everyone. (You’ll get $20 off an online workshop each month plus additional posts for parents.)
Use your smartphone's memo function or an audio app to record your child's question. Hold the phone close to your child's mouth to make sure the recording is clear. Have your child state:
their FIRST NAME (or another first name),
their AGE, and
a BRIEF QUESTION or concern about friendship. (Please do not include any friends' names.)
Submit the audio file at https://DrFriendtastic.com/submit. I’ll answer as many questions as I can. (Obviously, this is not psychotherapy, and it’s not for emergency situations.)
Send in YOUR kid's question
Think-About-It Questions to discuss with your childFor a quick and easy FRIENDSHIP LESSON, play the podcast up to the end of the kid’s question, then ask your child/students what advice they’d give. Play my answer, then use the discussion questions below to deepen your child’s/students’ understanding.
Do you have a stuffed animal that you’ve loved for a long time? What’s its name? What does it look like? What makes this stuffed animal special to you?
How long is the longest friendship you’ve had? How did you meet that friend? What do you do to stay connected to that friendship?
What is your favorite thing to do with friends? Why?
What are some ways to show friends that they matter to you?
Some things are better the longer you’ve had them. Cheddar cheese tastes sharper if it’s aged. Blue jeans feel more comfy if you’ve worn and washed them a bunch of times. You may have a stuffed animal that you’ve had since you were a baby that feels and smells just right because it’s been well-loved over time.
A new friendship is exciting, but a friendship with someone who’s known you for a long time has a special sweetness. The challenge is making your friendships last. Take a listen.
(Music & Intro)
Hi there! I’m Dr. Eileen Kennedy-Moore, also known as Dr. Friendtastic. I’m an author and clinical psychologist based in Princeton, NJ. Each week, on the Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic podcast, I answer a question from a kid about making and keeping friends.
If you have a question you’d like me to answer, you can send it in at DrFriendtastic.com/submit.
Here’s today’s question:
My name is Matthew, and I am 7 years old. My question is, how long do you keep a friend?
Hi, Matthew. Thanks for sending in your question!
A friendship is a special relationship where two people like and care about each other and enjoy each other’s company. A caring friendship makes the good times more fun and the hard times easier to bear.
The tricky thing is that there are lots of forces that can pull friends apart. Sometimes friendships end because of a big conflict. But sometimes friendships end because of circumstances. Maybe kids get assigned to different classes or different teams, or one moves away. When they don’t see each other as much, their friendship is likely to fade.
And sometimes friendships end because kids grow apart. Over time, they might develop different interests, or connect with different friend groups, or just grow up in different ways, so they have less in common than they did before. This weakens their friendship.
Scientists have found that between one-fourth and one-half of kids’ friendships don’t last a whole school year.
So, the answer to your question, how long do you keep a friend, is: as long as both people feel mostly good about the relationship, they put in the time and effort needed to show they care, and they have enough shared positive experiences to keep the sense of connection going.
That means if you want lasting friendships, you should try to choose kind friends and also do your part to make sure your friends know that they matter to you. Be interested in your friends’ thoughts, feelings, and experiences. Spend time together. Have fun together. When, not if, you hit a friendship rough spot, assume that your friends mean well. Try to listen to and understand their point of view and also communicate kindly about your perspective. All of that can help your friendships not just continue but grow stronger.
This has been Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic. You can learn even more about friendship through my funny and practical books for kids: Growing Friendships: A Kids’ Guide to Making and Keeping Friends and Growing Feelings: A Kids’ Guide to Dealing with Emotions About Friends and Other Kids. They’re available through your library or wherever you buy books.
Parents, check out my online workshops for kids at workshops.eileenkennedymoore.com.
Never miss a post! Subscribe NOW!
The Dr. Friendtastic for Parents newsletter and the Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic podcast are for educational purposes only. They may or may not be relevant for your particular situation. I trust you to use your judgment about what’s right for your child and your family.