I, like you, go through tough times, and it affects my marriage. 

You, see I've been in a real funk lately. I'm experiencing so many things for the first time, and quite frankly, I have no experience with it and am finding it hard to navigate. And what's worse? I don't want to talk about it. I see myself in a shut-down phase. Do you ever go through things like this?

I'm 52, and I'm peri-menopausal, which is causing me anxiety I've never experienced before. I feel like I'm coming out of my skin all the time. My brain is in a complete fog where I forget so many things, big and small. I've been having telehealth appointments with my doctor since the pandemic started. Yesterday, I drove to the doctor for my appointment, went up to the door, and saw the sign that said the office isn't open and all doctors are making telehealth appointments. Ladies, this has been going on for a year, and I forgot it. I can't even think of names I know like the back of my hand. For two months, I've missed the same bill. Added to that, I've embarked on a new career in my midlife years and dealing with the further stress of being an entrepreneur. I feel like I'm riding on the crazy train. 

See my funk? 

 I don't intentionally shut my husband out when I'm going through a difficult season, but that is my habit. I don't even realize I'm doing it until the gulf gets pretty broad. I become aware of it when I start going my separate way, being only willing to engage in surface conversations, and living in my head instead of connecting. The relationship becomes perfunctory. 

So, why, if we know intimacy is about sharing the good, the bad, and the ugly, do we close down sometimes when we are struggling with something in our lives? I believe it is because of the messages we hear inside our heads and from a society that tells us to be strong, power through, be a badass. 

Here's what I know from my own experience and my husband's because he goes through seasons of this too. We revert to old habits of trying to deal with our problems independently, and pretty soon, we are disconnected. 

The messages that cause us to pull away are as follows:

"I should be stronger."

"I don't want to be a weak person who is needy."

"If my spouse knew what was going on with me, they'd think less of me."

"My spouse couldn't possibly understand what is going on with me."

"These are my problems, and I need to figure it out."

"Something is wrong with me."

"I don't want to be a burden."

"My spouse will think I'm crazy."

Complete show notes can be found at http://reviveyourmidlifemarriage.com/42