In this episode of the Becoming You podcast, I talk about how to stay calm at your lowest points in front of your kids.

If you have young kids like me, it can get incredibly tiring juggling between seeing to their wants and needs, managing the household, and getting through all the other tasks we have for the day.

And when it’s bedtime, we’re often at wits’ end as we’re trying to get the kids to go to bed. It’s at this point where we might snap and say things we immediately regret. It’s a vicious cycle that restarts every day.

Sound familiar? I’ve certainly caught myself more than a few times after those moments where the rubber band just snaps, and they were always moments filled with remorse.

I’ve come a long way, but I’m still not a perfect mom (nor will I ever be). I still lose my temper from time to time, but I’m super proud of how much growth I’ve experienced since those early days.

Here are some of my best tips to ensure that you never take it out on your kids on those days where you feel at your lowest.

Learn to draw boundaries.

It’s perfectly natural to feel irritated or annoyed when dealing with our kids during more challenging moments.

I happen to be the type of person who doesn’t like getting down on the floor to do “kid stuff”. I know that many of you are the total opposite of that. But one of the biggest lessons I learned to help me grow as a mom was to accept my personality. It’s when we allow shame to seep in that resentment comes into the picture.

Our kids want to be loved and seen. That’s all. They don’t need unlimited amounts of time. They just want undivided attention for a period of time. As parents, we can draw those boundaries. If they want to play Uno with you before bed, allow them two rounds.

It can be as simple as that.

Take the time to explain your needs to your kids.

Many times, we become so busy that we forget to fill the day’s love bucket for our kids. Collaborate with them so you know how to fill it in ways that meet the needs of both parent and child.

Deep down, our kids want to be helpful. They don’t mean to be annoying.

But it’s reciprocity. If we take the time to be patient and explain things to them in a non-accusatory, compassionate, kind way… guess what? It’s going to be reciprocated.

You have to fill your own buckets.

Meditation has fallen to the wayside for me for the last few days. That’s okay—I find other ways to spend time on me.

Get a massage. Do a workout. Go shopping. Whatever gives you pleasure—carve out space for all of these things.

Take time out of your day everyday to fill up your fun bucket for you and you alone.

You have to always begin with who you want to be and what you want out of life.

How you show up for yourself is the same way you show up for every other area in your life.

Everything starts with the relationship you have with yourself. Your limiting thoughts and beliefs affect every part of your life.

Your fears, wounds, self-criticisms, and insecurities all show up in your role as a parent. We will often try to overcorrect our perceived flaws and shortcomings through our kids.

If you’re a perfectionist, then you will often expect perfection from your kids. If you’re self-critical, so too will you be critical in your interactions with your kids.

In all these ways and more, you’ll make them feel that they’re not good enough.

Remember: Our only job as parents is to nurture our kids and guide them as they unlock their unique potential, not to mold them into what we think they should become.

If you want a great relationship with your children and you want to be that present, conscious, intentional, and patient parent, begin with self-examination.

Change always starts within.

Learn more about me and my coaching services:

Free resource: 10 Ways to Spark Your Self Love Journey

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